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Sex Advice From Tarzan and Jane (Relationship Humor)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:13:14 +0000

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

"Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said "Oh! … Tarzan, use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her private area, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, " What did you do that?"

Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel.”

–unknown

If you have a good joke or humorous story about dating, love, or sex that you’d like to share with us, please Submit it Here and if it makes us laugh out loud, then we just may post it.

So How Do Americans Really View Love And Relationships?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:28:26 +0000

Here are the results of a fascinating survey out today from Zogby and AOL Personals on Americans’ attitudes toward love, sex and relationships, and how those attitudes differ across generations.

One of the key findings? – A high percentage (44%) in all generations, including 50% of adults in their 20s – don’t believe that they need to be married to validate the commitment of a long-term relationship.

Just in time for election season, the survey also found that those in their 20s are significantly more likely to date someone with opposing political beliefs – more than 60% in the age group willing to do so, versus 48% of those in other age groups.

Other interesting survey findings of note:

Trust is important to younger Americans – who are more likely to want the truth from their partner, even if it hurts – more than 85% of respondents in their 20s said they always want the truth, compared to 79% of those in their 50s and 60s.
However, half of adults younger than age 40 would snoop through their partner’s things to find out if he or she is hiding something, compared to just 25% of those in their 60s.
Love is blind – particularly when you’re younger. Those in their 20s are less likely to be concerned with differences in income, with 88% saying they would date someone who makes significantly less money. Adults in their 20s are less likely to be concerned about differences between themselves and their partners, with respondents in the age group more likely than others to date someone who comes from a different racial (86%) or religious (73%) background than those in older generations.
When asked it they would cheat on a partner if they knew he or she would never find out, just 9% of Americans said they would be unfaithful, with those age 30 to 39 most likely to say they would stray (11%), compared to those age 20 to 30 who would be least likely to do so (7%).

Click here to see the full press release

http://www.businesswire.com/

and here to get the full survey details from AOL

http://personals.aol.com/love-is/

When Garbage Men Fall In Love (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 19:32:38 +0000

One of our online Friends shared this funny dating/relationship video with us so I wanted to pass in on to all of you…

I may have seen it before and knew how it was going to end, but I had to watch it any way .

Click here to watch When Garbage Men Fall In Love.

10 Tested Ways To Get Rid Of Your Irritating Girlfriend (Relationship Humor)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 23:03:21 +0000

We haven’t had a smile break in a while…

Here’s a really funny article that was recommended by one of our good friends at www.loverslawn.com.

"10 Tested Ways To Get Rid Of Your Irritating Girlfriend"

For an irritating girlfriend-free life follow these time-tested formula and you’ll be surprised to see how easy and relatively straightforward dumping an irritating ‘attachment’ can actually be!

1:) Make her wait for ages… when the dates are planned by her and, even worse when they are planned by you.

2:) Do not ever use a deodorant when you’re around her. Make it a point to munch on onions before you meet her.

3:) Attend as many calls as you can when she’s spending time with you… it helps if the one calling is you’re ex-girlfriend and it’s even better if it’s your ’supposedly’ intimate boyfriend.

4:) Be as GAY as you can!

5:) Make sure you invite her best friend every time you go out with her, and hit on her friend (doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl) as shamelessly as you can. The drool-pot is a sure winner!

6:) Dress as horrendously as you possible can. Colour combinations are a strict NO-NO, unless you’re planning on doing a fluorescent orange and bright pink combo. Classic!

7:) Gorge yourself on food, hers, yours, her friend’s and make sure food spills out of your mouth every minute or so, during your lunch or dinner dates.

8:) BURP! As often and as loudly as you can. Gaseous emanations of other kinds are also sure ways to your ultimate triumph!

9:) Make sure she realises you’re not busy, but pretend to be as busy as you can possibly be when she’s around… she’ll get the hint… or even better, pair it up with being a schedule freak.

10:) Pretend you have a serious crotch infection, or a fetish or an obsession for everything down under!

Bloggers Face-Off – AskDanAndJennifer vs. MomGadget

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 14:03:56 +0000

This week we are fortunate enough to be featured on Daily Blog Tips in the Blogger Face Off. This puts us in some pretty great company. In recent weeks, prominent bloggers like Steve Pavlina and ProBlogger, Darren Rowse, have been featured in the Blogger face off.

We are paired up with a really good blogger friend and colleague, Gayla McCord of MomGadget and DatingDames.

While my promotional instincts want me to tell you to go over there right now and vote for us, we absolutely love Gayla and what she does on her blogs.

So whether you vote for us or not, just go over there and vote!

Thank You to Our Readers, Commentators, and Friends – Week 3

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 04:20:14 +0000

We’d like to send a Shout Out to our friends who visit us here at AskDanAndJennifer.com so regularly.

Many of these folks are our Top Commentators, frequent visitors, and members of our MyBlogLog community. Thank you.

Top commentators are always featured in the right nav bar on AskDanAndJennifer.com, and every couple of weeks we’ll make the rounds and feature some of their hottest stories here, for your viewing enjoyment.

Yes, this is another gem from the playbook of everyone’s favorite dot-com mogul and rising Internet celebrity John Chow - and it’s an excellent idea at that!

Don’t forget to… take on the Pro Blogger Challenge: Review AskDanAndJennifer and We’ll Review Your Blog – Just to One-Up John Chow!

Today we’re showing some appreciation and sharing a little link love.

Here’s a sneak peek at what’s hot and fresh off the presses…

Ask Dan and Jennifer: a great relationship blog – by – Phil Van Treuren :: Romance Tracker
* This article was a great surprise from Phil, and we really enjoyed reading it. Go check it out!
Relationship Trouble? Just Ask Dan and Jennifer - by – Nneka Kelly :: The Balanced Life Center
* Yeah, we’re biased, but we can’t help it, this is just a great article! Must Read.
What to Do When You Have No Money – by – Scott Davis :: Finding Your Marbles
The Top Ten Hottest Moms in Search Engine Marketing – by – eMom Wendy Piersall
My Obsessive Thoughts – Blog Tag – by – Jeff Kee
The Debate About The Secret - by - Thea Westra :: Leaders Are Readers
JohnChow.com Review – The Verdict - by - Allen Heat: AlleNation
Get Sexy Cat Eyes - by - Aniela :: Style Tips 101
The secret of the secret admirer - by - Kat Wilder

Thanks guys, come back often. We’ll leave the light on for ya’!

And remember to take on the Pro Blogger Challenge if you’ve got what it takes…

5 Funniest Sexual Bloopers (Relationship Humor)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 00:10:53 +0000

Here’s a smile break for today that I found on iVillage.

5 Funniest Sexual Bloopers, excerpted from Sexual Bloopers, compiled and illustrated by Michelle Horwitz.

These are really funny, but be warned in advance… They do cover very adult themes.

1. Paradise Lost

The summer between my junior and senior years of college I worked at a nursery-and-garden center and went gaga over the hunk they’d hired to do the heavy hauling. He had the most amazing body I’d ever seen and often starred in my fantasies. One afternoon the owner asked us to close up for her. We couldn’t wait!

At six o’clock we threw the rest of the employees out, locked the door, hung the huge CLOSED sign, and raced to the back of the shop behind a row of huge floor-to-ceiling metal shelving units. My fantasy was about to come true! …

I wriggled out of my shorts and panties while he unzipped his jeans and pushed them down around his incredibly muscular thighs. He wasn’t wearing any underwear and his penis literally sprung up to meet me. I was soaked and panting with anticipation when he effortlessly lifted me up and set me down on one of the shelves–just the right height for penetration.

He worked himself deep inside me and began pumping away, totally unaware of the danger looming overhead–the vibration of our slamming bodies shook the clay pots stored on the top shelf. Eventually one fell off the edge and came crashing down on the poor guy’s head.

Much to my horror (and disappointment), he slipped out of me and fell to the ground unconscious! I couldn?t tell if he was dead or alive. I tried to wake him and he didn?t move. I had to call for help. I quickly redressed and tried to pull his pants up –but it was hopeless. There was nothing left to do but call 911 and hope that I died before they arrived.

In a lame attempt to preserve our dignity, I yanked a leaf off the nearest plant and covered his penis. Just as the ambulance and police arrived, he began to regain consciousness. Though dazed and sporting a huge lump on his head, it was quickly determined that his injuries weren’t life threatening. With everyone relieved, attention shifted to the leaf covering his otherwise fully exposed groin.

Unable to conceal their amusement, the paramedics burst out laughing while the grinning police officer turned toward me and said "Well now, Eve, it looks like you and Adam here had a little trouble in paradise."

2. Class of ‘65 — Ass of `95

I’d been divorced for a little over a year when I got something in the mail about my 30th high school reunion. Having just leased an expensive new sports car, shed 25 pounds, and a whole lot of baggage from a bad marriage, I was more than ready to see how I stacked up against all my high-school buddies.

As soon as I walked through the door…

Featuring Jeff Kee – The Miscellaneous Ramblings of a Dot Com Entrepreneur

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:45:38 +0000

It’s that special time again when we feature one of our favorite blogs. Today the spotlight is on our friend Jeff Kee.

In fact, we just had the pleasant surprise of receiving an excellent review of AskDanAndJennifer.com from our friend Jeff: Blog Of The Week – AskDanAndJennifer.com.

Take a moment to go read it – Jeff truly gets the essence of what AskDanAndJennifer is about.

So who is the mysterious Jeff Kee?

Of course no one can truly do justice to Jeff better than Jeff himself. In his own words – Who is Jeff Kee?

When a post starts off with "Time to get personal", you’d better be ready for what’s coming.

We do have to warn you that Jeff lives in Canada, but we won’t hold that against him.

Seriously, one of the wonderful things about the world of blogging is that you make friends and interact daily with people all over the world. Truly, nobody cares where you are, how old you are, what color you are, etc. It just doesn’t mater.

Jeff is a regular contributor on AskDanAndJennifer.com, and we truly enjoy his straight to the point and no holds barred style. He says it like it is. And that theme continues on JeffKee.com.

Jeff’s blog is an eclectic blend of tech, politics, PR, and other topics that strike Jeff’s fancy. Regardless of the topic, it’s always an engaging read.

Check out Jeff’s controversial and powerful take on the power of blogging… and how it’s changing the world: The Internet, Blogs, Community sites, and the Ultimate Democracy.

And of course there’s the occasional jaunt in the world of hard ball power politics… Proving the real power of blogging once again, Jeff unwittingly forced a major corporation to refund his money. Check out A very nice gesture from Telus Mobility.

Here are some our favorite posts – go check them out:

I have to admit, our all time favorite article on Jeff’s blog is:

Blog Of The Week – AskDanAndJennifer.com. But we’re biased.

Relationship Humor – International Symbol of Marriage

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 15:33:56 +0000

International symbol of marriage is Approved by the UN

New York AP- April 21, 2005: After 5 months of heated debate, the Commission on Human Rights of the United Nations approved the new International Symbol of Marriage.

What Does Your Drink Say About YOU?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 22:15:30 +0000

Before you order a drink in public or try figure out how to approach that really hot girl, you should read this!

It was forwarded to me in an email today.

It’s funny, but pay attention… There just may be some truth to it.

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could ‘nail’ a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

Check out the results.

PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her If she’s interested, she’ll send YOU a drink………

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is…this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk… and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however,
be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila No explanations required – everyone just KNOWS what happens there…

PART B: MAN-DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum — The deal with guys is, as always, very
simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He’s gay

Dating, Relationships, Love, & Sex… See Dan and Jennifer LIVE on YouTube!

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 21:45:14 +0000

See Dan & Jennifer LIVE on YouTube!

We’ve finally done it… We’re uploading videos ‘almost’ daily about dating and relationship questions, sex tips, online dating advice, and more…

You name it, it’s there. If you don’t see what you’re looking for, let us know and we’ll film it.

Click here to visit Our YouTube Channel
Be sure to subscribe to our channel on YouTube and vote for your favorite videos!

Here’s our first ever video. This is the uncut and uncensored version so the laughs and bloopers are included.

Thank You to Our Readers, Commentators, and Friends – Week 2

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 00:18:23 +0000

We’d like to send a Shout Out to our friends who visit us here at AskDanAndJennifer.com so regularly.

Many of these folks are our Top Commentators, frequent visitors, and members of our MyBlogLog community. Thank you.

Yes, this is another gem from the playbook of everyone’s favorite dot-com mogul and rising Internet celebrity John Chow - and it’s an excellent idea at that!

Don’t forget to… take on the Pro Blogger Challenge: Review AskDanAndJennifer and We’ll Review Your Blog – Just to One-Up John Chow!

Today we’re showing some appreciation and sharing a little link love.

Here’s a sneak peek at what’s hot and fresh off the presses…

Blog of the Week – AskDanAndJennifer.com - by - Jeff Kee
A must read – Jeff really captured the essence of what AskDanAndJennifer.com is truly about. Don’t miss this.
Pimp My Blog Week 11: AskDanAndJennifer.com – by – Everton Blair
We’re really excited, AskDanandJennifer.com is "getting pimped" by Everon Blair and crew this week. Can’t wait for the results!
Simply Successful Secrets - by - Sania Wyatt
Why Not to Have Guest Bloggers - by - John :: Finding the Money
Why I Blog - by - Gleb Reys :: Personal Development Ideas
Dia da Mulher - by – Gyda :: Margarida.net
How To Create PDF Without Software - by - Ilker Yoldas – The Thinking Blog
The Spiritual Atheist - by – Lyman Reid :: Creating a Better Life
What Does it Take to Start a Startup? - by - John Wesley :: Pick The Brain
And last but certainly not least, Alex Shalman at Practical Personal Development (a blog about self help and personal growth) is hosting a Donation Contest in which you press a button and he donates a dollar to your favorite charity.

Thanks guys, come back often. We’ll leave the light on for ya’!

Code Word for Sex (Relationship Humor)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 02:00:29 +0000

We hope this brings a smile to your face…

Code Word for Sex

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.

They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now because there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Welcome to Our Newest Advertiser – Seduction Central

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 12:38:13 +0000

We’d like to take just a moment to welcome our latest advertiser, Jeffrey Kishner.

Jeffrey has been a practicing astrologer since 2001 who helps clients transform their lives through a combination of insight and empathy.

He blogs regularly at Lunar Tunes Astrology, where he talks about the New and Full Moons, and Seduction Central, where he writes about the astrology of love, sex and relationships.

Check out some of Jeffrey’s latest posts.

A special thanks goes out to Text Link Ads for helping support this site by selling advertising for us. A text link on this blog costs $200 per month from Text Links Ads but you can get a $100 coupon here.

We encourage all of our readers to visit our direct advertising sponsors. These are the very special people that support this blog and they deserve your support because of it.

Thank You to Our Readers, Commentators, and Friends

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:00:16 +0000

We’d like to send a Shout Out to our friends who visit us here at AskDanAndJennifer.com so regularly.

Many of these folks are our Top Commentators, frequent visitors, and members of our MyBlogLog community. Thank you.

Yes, this is another gem from the playbook of everyone’s favorite dot-com mogul and rising Internet celebrity John Chow - and it’s an excellent idea at that!

Don’t forget to… take on the Pro Blogger Challenge: Review AskDanAndJennifer and We’ll Review Your Blog – Just to One-Up John Chow!

Today we’re showing some appreciation and sharing a little link love.

Here’s a sneak peek at what’s hot and fresh off the presses…

The Solopreneur Challenge AKA The Curse of Too Many Ideas - by - eMom Wendy Piersall
Remodel Your Home The Right Way - by - Jane May :: Career Ramblings
The Internet, Blogs, Community sites, and the Ultimate Democracy - by - Jeff Kee
Top Blogger Roll Call: Dan and Jennifer – Very Sexy - by - J.R. :: Seeds for Wealth * This is definitely an excellent post, if I do say so myself.
30-Day Trial For Simpleology - by - Edward Mills – Evolving Times * Check this out – Simpleology has had an amazing impact on our lives.
Achieving Your Dreams – One Step at a Time – by – Alex Shalman :: Practical Personal Development
How To Make Tough Decisions When You Are Depressed - by - Scott :: Finding Your Marbles
The process of a dream - by - Steven Aitchinson :: Change Your Thoughts

Thanks guys, come back often. We’ll leave the light on for ya’!

Pro Blogger Challenge: Review AskDanAndJennifer.com and We’ll Review Your Blog

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 10:00:13 +0000

Here’s the scoop for you pro bloggers who are up to The Challenge:

Review AskDanAndJennifer and We’ll Review Your blog in return – Just to One-Up John Chow!

We’re following the example of everyone’s favorite dot-com mogul and rising Internet celebrity John Chow

– and Cranking it Up a Notch!

John asked bloggers to review his blog and then he links to these reviews several at a time in a regular blog post. If you haven’t seen John’s blog yet, go check it out now. It’s a great resource for making money online (and offline for that matter), blogging, and lots of other cool stuff.

Are You Ready?

It’s that simple! No fine print really, though we do get to decide what reviews we’ll link to and accept for this challenge .

The review has to be pretty decent and well thought out. Heck, just to be fair and open, even negative reviews will not be turned down as long as the focus is clearly on constructive criticism, not emotion. Of course we’ll be looking for those happy ones first.

So what does a good review look like?

Here are some examples of the kind of reviews we’re looking for…

Jeff Kee really captured the essence of what our blog is truly about:
Blog of the Week – AskDanAndJennifer.com
J.R. did a great AskDanAndJennifer.com review on Seeds for Wealth:
Top Blogger Roll Call: Dan and Jennifer – Very Sexy
Nneka from The Balanced Life Center just did a great interview with us:
Relationship Trouble? Just Ask Dan and Jennifer

So, let’s get to our first winner!

Just write the review and post it to your blog. Then leave a comment here or send us an email so we can see the review.

The Balanced Life Center Interview with Dan and Jennifer

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 19:37:47 +0000

"Relationship Trouble? Just Ask Dan and Jennifer.

You can just see the gushy-ness oozing from Dan and Jennifer in their pictures, but it’s rather interesting to hear it in their voices.

It’s refreshing really.

The love is so pervasive, it makes you fall in love with them."

- Nneka Kelly, Balanced Life Center

Awwww. OK, Nneka is officially cool.

So, what the heck is that about?

Well, recently we were interviewed by Nneka Kelly from Balanced Life Center. Nneka is also part of the Positive Blog Network which we recently joined.

Be sure to read the full interview to get the low-down, the skinny, the straight dope, on what we’re really about. You’ll discover the answers to the questions that everyone is asking about Dan and Jennifer.

How we came up with the concept for AskDanAndJennifer.com…
Why did we choose to make our website a blog?
Are the questions on AskDanAndJennifer real?
Who are our relationship role models?
What’s the most important component of a relationship?
Why we talk about everything, especially sex…
Which spiritual principles we hold dear and how we put them into practice in our daily life.
So what you can expect to see from the two of us in the future?

The Balanced Life Center is about putting spiritual principles into practice. It’s about taking all of those great ideas about loving your fellow man, experiencing God, finding your Divinity, and the lot, out of the books and putting them into practice in your everyday life.

In Nneka’s own words,

"I’m passionate about expressing Spirit in my life and helping you do the same. For me, right now, that means writing about spirituality and how to apply it to life on Balanced Life Center. For you it may mean composing a symphony, being a conscious entrepreneur, a magnetic salesperson, or a patient, loving stay-at-home mom."

Here are some of Nneka’s must read articles:

Relationship Trouble? Just Ask Dan and Jennifer - Yes, we’re biased, but it’s a must read!
The Season of Gratitude - Dozens of bloggers got involved in this consciousness experiment of sorts to see what can happen in our lives individually and collectively when we focus on what we enjoy.
9 Blogs I Am Thankful For - A great list of Nneka’s favorite blogs – well worth a look.

Gone Fishing (Relationship Humor)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 14:19:27 +0000

"Gone Fishing"

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that s**t?"

At First I Thought This Was Funny… And Then I Realized the Awful Truth of It.

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 20:38:11 +0000

At first I thought this was funny… And then I realized the awful truth of it.
Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he’s fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid.

Put these words
upon his tomb,
" Taxes drove me to my doom…"

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax

Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax,
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)

Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest expense
Inventory tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax

Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road usage taxes
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What the hell happened? Can you spell "politicians!"

And I still have to "press 1" for English.

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times

Send to all the politicians that represent you.
__________________________________________________________

I normally try to stay away from political humor, but when I read this, it terrified me. So now, I’m just doing my part to make sure this gets around the United States at least 1,000,000 times. We have the power to change things. Exercise your power!

51% of US Women Are Now Living Without Spouse

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 21:51:41 +0000

Wow! I couldn’t believe this when I read it, so I just had to share…

Read the full article: 51% of US Women Are Now Living Without Spouse