Ask Dan and Jennifer » Censorship & Sexual Repression

What Causes Irrational Fear Of Sex? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:00:49 +0000

Sex is everywhere. Sex sells, right? You see sex on television, in movies and you hear it in music. It’s on billboards, in newspaper ads and all over the Internet. So logically, as a society, we don’t seem very afraid of sex, do we? Surprisingly enough, many people still have a deep seated, irrational fear of sex, masturbation and other sex related things. Why is this fear irrational, and what causes it? What can you do about it?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Sex And Psychology

The most complicated part of human psychology is sex. Sex involves so many things, including the body, the mind and even your emotions. What feels good physically doesn’t always feel good emotionally, and what feels good emotionally doesn’t always please you physically. It can be difficult to understand why someone may have a fear about sex or have a sex related phobia, because there are so many contributing factors to sex. In persons who haven’t been sexually abused, a fear of sex or a sex phobia can seem irrational. The human body and mind was created to enjoy and take pleasure from sex, and it’s one of the most natural things for two human beings to do together. What are some things that can cause an irrational fear of sex?

Painful Sex

Many people can experience pain during sex or masturbation. In women, small vaginas or lack of natural lubrication can make penetration extremely uncomfortable or painful. In some women, the clitoral hood doesn’t cover the clitoris completely, making most types of sexual contact painful instead of pleasurable. In men, a poorly done circumcision can leave too little skin on the penis, making an erection uncomfortable or painful when the skin stretches too taut. Penises also have stiff, fibrous muscles that when erect, can “break.” It’s rare, but rough masturbation or sex can “break” a penis, making sex or even erections painful if it’s not corrected immediately. Anyone that experiences pain during sex or masturbation can develop a fear of sex or sex related activities, depending on what causes them pain or discomfort.

Psychological Issues

Many people have an irrational fear of sex due to psychological factors. Some people have phobias of sex or masturbation because their parents brought them up in an overly religious environment, or they were taught to think sex is dirty. Believe it or not, many women are taught that enjoying sex is “wrong” and that sex is only something they must do as a wife when they get married. Many of these women don’t have orgasms and have very poor and unsatisfying sex lives, therefore, may avoid sex as much as they can in fear of it. Many men and women are brought up thinking that masturbation is wrong as well, even that it will give you hairy palms or cause blindness. Any type of skewed thinking about sexual pleasure that was ingrained on a person as a child can contribute to sexual fears and phobias in adulthood.

STD’s And Pregnancy

Some people avoid sex all together because they have deeply rooted fears of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Perhaps someone in the family contracted AIDS or got pregnant, and the family criticized them or looked down upon them. Perhaps someone contracted a sexually transmitted disease or got pregnant and is terrified of it happening again. Fears of pregnancy and STD’s can play a large part in someone’s irrational phobias of sex.

What To Do

If you have a fear of sex or sex related activities, it’s important to see a doctor. What you’re experiencing, however, can determine which type of doctor you go see. If you’re having physical pain during sex, you should make an appointment with your general practitioner or family doctor. They can do a physical examination as well as take a detailed medical history to determine what exactly is causing the pain or contributing to it. If you’re having psychological issues with sex, consider seeing a therapist or a specialized sex therapist to help talk to you about your phobias, why you have them and how you can work your way through them.

Many people are afraid of seeing the doctor – regardless of which type – because having a sexual fear for whatever reason can seem embarrassing. Lots of things are embarrassing though, and you deserve to have a happy, healthy sex life. Find a doctor or therapist that you’re comfortable with, and take control of your sex life.

Show Some Love To Trojan Man!

Christ Pro Erotic — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:15:13 +0000

Next time you watch television take a close look at a Viagra (or Cialas) commercials. Notice the people they are trying to reach? Mid-aged, married (assuming), wanting to get frisky like when they were young, and looking for anything to give them a boost in the bedroom. Now watch the condom commercials. They are mostly seen on the CW, MTV, or FUSE where you expect such pushing against moral values to be placed in their commercial block. Conservative religious groups see such aims as an invitation to sexual debauchery.

So what gives? Do drugs like Viagra tend to get a pat on the back by religious groups solely because they cater to the very thing they are trying to preserve: marriage? Or are condoms seen as the device to send our young person straight to sexual hell for even thinking about being sexually active with another person(s)? The idea of hating one product but not the other may not just do harm to the typical groups you are focusing on but to greater extent cause harm in the most unlikely areas of society.

Condoms Vs. Viagra

An article from Inter Press Services focused on the way condoms and Viagra are viewed by the public. It seems among conservative religious groups and others condoms are viewed as detrimental to society while Viagra is seen in a much favorable light. According to the article Michael Tan, a reproductive health activist and chair of the University of the Philippines anthropology department, says both Viagra and condoms are polar opposites. A condom is a part of the World Health Organizations (WHO) list of “essentials” when tackling HIV/AIDS, other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and the prevention of pregnancy. This is a no-no to many conservative groups which focuses on the need to keep young people from using condoms for fear of early entry into sexual activity. Viagra, on the other hand, works because it promotes a more active sex life and is packaged towards married couples looking for a little zest in their relationship. If it keeps the myth of monogamy and sexual purity intact then Viagra is your drug.

As much as these conservative groups (and countries supporting their viewpoint) want to keep up the pressure to put condoms out they fail to see the bigger picture of the usage among teens and adults. Condoms are used by people of all ages—straight, gay, married or single, newly sexually active or licenses pro, monogamous or non-monogamous—as is Viagra and other sexual enhancement drugs. Male swingers use Viagra for hopes of an evening of never ending sexual encounters…with condoms in tow; young men using Viagra hope to achieve “Casanova” status amongst their nubile counterparts.

Condoms For Everyone?

Condom usage is not just a young man’s game; for our seniors it is a matter of life and death. Many sexually active senior citizens (please, get over the image of your grandmother/father getting it on because they do) are seeing a rise in STDs in their community.

Recent guidelines in Extended Care facilities must allow for conjugal interactions among its residents. As long as each person has the majority of their mental capacity for consensual sexual activity.

An article in Time Magazine () highlighted the growing trend: Whatever the cause — Viagra, midlife divorce, online dating or simple ignorance — studies suggest that STDs are no longer just an affliction of the young. A study published online last week by the journal Sexually Transmitted Infections adds to that growing body of evidence. Researchers at England’s West Midlands Health Protection Agency found that in less than a decade, STD rates had more than doubled among people ages 45 and older.

The study was a small sampling to this alarming trend and it is further complicated by many seniors who don’t talk about such issues to doctors or “ignore it altogether because of the stigma placed on it.”

Money Talks

So much for giving condoms a bad name and making Viagra style drugs the savior of marriage, or the savior of ‘manhood’. Gathering all the information together for this article one of my sources suggested the real story is the connection of Viagra styled drugs to some cozy relations in government. Drug companies sleep in the same bed with those in Congress to get the approval needed to get these drugs out on the market. Conservative groups look at condoms as tools for immoral practices outside of marriage. In short, it’s all about the money. Both items are equal in the sense they are there to promote good sexual health, enjoyment, and pleasure. Whether young or old, these items shouldn’t be held as a litmus test for morals, but rather a type of way to benefit long sexual life and health. Conservative groups should be out giving the Trojan Man the help and support as much as couples who get their sexual boost singing “Viva Viagra.”

Will Daily Masturbation Affect Puberty? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 07 May 2009 13:51:42 +0000

Many teenagers have this very question – is masturbation wrong? Does it affect puberty? Will masturbating daily – or masturbating at all – cause health problems? What is the truth when it comes to masturbation?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Is daily masturbation going to halt, alter or harm my progress through puberty? If so, how drastic is it and how long would I have had to been masturbating daily for it to have an effect?

–Anonymous

Click here to view the embedded video.

Old Wives Tales

You might have heard that masturbation can make you go blind. Or it might give you hairy palms, or even make you need glasses. There’s not one bit of truth to any of these claims – in fact, there are no medical problems that are caused by masturbation, even daily masturbation. In fact, masturbation is healthy for both men and women of all ages, especially those going through puberty. The extra hormones produced by your body during puberty cause you to want to satisfy your new sexual needs and urges, and it’s completely natural to do so. Masturbation is a healthy and not to mention safe way to satisfy those desires without worrying about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Unfortunately, sex ed in this country is at a low – many adults are afraid to talk to their children about sex and masturbation, so children and teenagers growing up thinking masturbation is wrong and they’re “dirty” for doing it. Grow up people! Masturbation is healthy, safe and a natural way to satisfy those new desires that come with puberty.

How Much Is Too Much?

That said, it is possible that a person – teenager, adult, man or woman – can masturbate too much. Medically speaking, not so much. But what about when it starts interfering with your daily life? What happens if you’re making time in your day for masturbation (instead of just letting it happen naturally and satisfying the desire when it comes along and is convenient) or you’re masturbating 3 or 4 times a day? That’s when it starts crossing the line – and it’s not just masturbation. It can be anything, including television, books, video games or chat rooms. If you find that your daily life is being interrupted by these things – masturbation included – it might be a borderline obsession or addiction that you need to keep in check. Don’t be afraid to talk to a doctor or counselor if you find that you’re masturbating too much – with therapy, they can help you to find other outlets for your stress and extra sexual desires so you don’t feel the need to masturbate so much that it interferes with your daily life.

All in all, masturbation has no bearing on personal growth, puberty or your body at all medically and can, in fact, be healthy for you. We live in the era of the Internet, so don’t be afraid to Google masturbation and find out some good facts for yourself. Look them up on credible websites and keep an eye out for anything that sounds fishy – such as masturbation causing you to have leprosy. Even though the sex ed in this country is lacking, that doesn’t mean you can’t take the initiative to educate yourself! Be safe, smart and informed!

The Truth About Circumcision (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:50:57 +0000

Circumcision is a hot topic these days – to have your child circumcised or not? That is the question – or perhaps the questions is do you want to be circumcised? About half of men are circumcised and the other half aren’t and there are a lot of myths surrounding circumcision, so here’s what you want to know – the truth!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Some men are circumcised and some aren’t – should you get circumcised? Does it hurt? What’s the right age for circumcision? Will it improve sexual pleasure or increase the risk of getting STD’s? What’s the truth?

–Will, TX

Click here to view the embedded video.

Religious Beliefs

Circumcision actually stems from old religious beliefs, in the days where the lack of running water, soap and an abundance of sand and dirt made it difficult to keep a penis clean. Today’s families who do not have religious reasons to circumcise their children may still get their boys circumcised for cleanliness and even appearances. It is true that a circumcised penis is easier to keep clean, but as a modern society, we have the ability to teach our children how to clean their genitals properly, circumcised or not. So what is circumcision, really?

A Cosmetic Procedure

Now that we have evolved as a society – you know, one with soap, running water and the whole works – there are no medical reasons that suggest not getting circumcised is harmful to a boy’s health. There are also no medical reasons suggesting that the final outcome of a circumcision is harmful, aside from pain and possible infections that may arise during the healing period. So essentially, a circumcision is a cosmetic procedure.

Be Informed

Before making the decision to circumcise your child, or to have your own penis circumcised, it is important to research the topic yourself. Be smart about it – don’t make the decision blindly, just because your father had it done, or you don’t want your child to look different from other boys in the locker room. Actually sit down and read the information available on circumcision – and there’s a lot of it – to make an informed decision for yourself.

The Truth

Does circumcision hurt? Yes! Babies and men who are circumcised are anesthetized during the procedure, but the healing period is quite painful for both babies and adults. Adults do have a reduced risk of post procedure infection however, as their fresh wounds aren’t sitting in a diaper all day, exposed to excrement. If you do have your child circumcised, ask your doctor how to best reduce the risk of infection and how to keep your child’s wound clean in spite of the fact that a diaper must be worn and the wound will be exposed to urine and feces. Does circumcision increase or decrease the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases? No! Does circumcision increase sexual pleasure? No – in fact, it can do just the opposite. The foreskin that is removed from the penis is packed with nerve endings that are extremely responsive to sexual pleasure in the same way that a woman’s clitoris is. So it’s safe to say that uncircumcised men do, in fact, have greater sexual reception than circumcised men.

If your religious beliefs or morals mitigate getting circumcised or having your child circumcised, go for it! But think about it first – what would your child say if he could choose? How many men have been circumcised only to learn later in life that they’ve lost a part of their anatomy that could have given them greater sexual pleasure – and they never had a choice about it? When it comes to circumcision, just think about it first!

The “Right” Going The Wrong Way Down Sexual Drive

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 02:06:53 +0000

I hereby ask all religious groups, Christian “family” organizations, and churches everywhere who for years pushed for every law against sex to be drawn to disband and withdraw from the culture wars you’ve waged on America. Your arguments over abortion, same sex marriage, and the like no longer hold muster; your bombast over swingers and BDSM enthusiasts is but a whisper; your message is dishonest and disingenuous to a nation of believers and unbelievers alike.

Sexual Freedom? In America?

For so long we’ve heard these groups (i.e. American Family Forum, Christian Coalition, etc.) from around the country make some of the strongest and strangest pushes for control over sexual freedom in the past thirty years. But in the past few weeks/months, a few key stories came to light cause me to think it is time for the Culture Wars to end. In Texas, a group pushes for clear teaching regarding sexual education; in Alaska, a story from Bristol Palin, daughter of former Republican Vice Presidential nominee Gov. Sarah Palin; then comes an article from the Journal of Economic Perspectives, a study which shows who are the biggest consumers of adult material. (Hint: They might be in your pews.)

First let’s go to a recent study regarding the purchase habits of those buying adult material. It seems this new study from New Science magazine http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16680-porn-in-the-usa-conservatives-are-biggest-consumers.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news followed the anonymous study of credit card receipts. The report finds most of the adult material bought in America comes from states who tend to be conservative. The biggest adult consumers comes from the great state of Utah. Yes, THAT Utah! Eight of the ten states with the highest consumption gave their support to Sen. John McCain during the past presidential election with the other two states going for Barack Obama.

The one statement from this study which speaks volumes:

Do consumption patterns of on-line adult entertainment reveal two separate Americas? Or is the consumption of on-line adult entertainment widespread, regardless of legal barriers, potential for embarrassment, and even religious conviction?”

This is one of the questions Christians and right wing moralists will need to ask themselves. How much longer do the gatekeepers keep telling us their own virtuous examples of faith and fidelity when they are no better than the sinners they rail against? To coin a phrase I heard from former Christian music group 2^nd Chapter of Actions “No one will have a secret, no one will tell a lie/things that are done in hiding are going to reach to the highest sky.”

Fighting For Credible, Useful Sex-Ed Information

Second, the Texas Freedom Network fighting the good fight to giving credible, sane, and informative sex-ed information to those who need it in Texas schools. They took their fight for a more comprehensive teaching of sexuality/relationship to the steps of the Austin State Capital. TFN’s hope is to get the facts to their teens and pre-teens to all students in the state. I encourage you to watch the proceedings of those involved with TFN regarding their findings about sexual education in Texas schools.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Hypocrisy Unveiled….

Sex Talk Stirs The Crimson Tide

Christ Pro Erotic — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:13:29 +0000

If Rev. Jerry Lawson wanted to make a name for his church, he did it by having a few billboards promote his latest sermon series. You see his church is in Northern Alabama—Bible Belt, Ten Commandments country, etc.—and his topic is “marital sex made better.” The website “GreatSexGodsWay.com” on billboards around Alabama rankled the very conservative base, not because it was coming from a Christian perspective, but the fact that those parents would have to talk about sex to their children a little earlier than they wanted. Good.

Sex Talk In The South?

God knows everything else is talked about in that part of the state (i.e. the economy, the new president, etc.) maybe its high time sex can be talked about in the deep south of Alabama. It’s bad enough residents of the state have to cross state lines to get an adult movie or a dildo. Haven forbid someone will have to talk to their friends and family about sex. Those few who don’t want it to come out (gasp) that Alabamians are sexual beings will make a stink about it. Marketing ploy to get more people in the pews, yes; billboard campaign to get the tongues wagging, probably; worldwide coverage over the outrage to really drive home the point you are trying to come across to your congregation, priceless.

Pastor Lawson’s Daystar Church in Cullman, Alabama started with 100 members and grew to about 2,000 people. It is your new school style mega-church complete with a hip pastor and a timely word. Only the word about better marital sex in the bedroom may be a bit too hip for the conservative folks of Alabama. From other ministers to city officials, the topic is raising eyebrows about the approach to delve into this subject. But it’s not the first time this topic was taken on in recent months.

Marital Sex – It’s Okay By The Book, But Why Can’t We Talk About It?

In Dallas, Texas, Fellowship Church pastor Ed Young challenged all the married couples in his congregation to have sex for a week. This was used to instill a closer marital bond between husband and wife. In Florida, Georgia, and other states there is a push among Evangelicals to “take back” the sex message from the “world” and bring it back in the pews. This effort is made to try and “cleanse” sex from the evil talk the world has regarding the subject.

My question is does this means ministers are acknowledging the need to talk sex to the married couples? What about single people? Will it still be “no sex for you” like some Sex Nazi or will we finally have a reasonable debate/discussion on what the Bible really says to single people regarding sex? That discussion is for another debate at another time.

I do think there should be some high praise to big city and small town churches where preachers like Rev. Lawson boldly acknowledge the needs of his congregation. Although some ministers think preachers should stick to preaching the Gospel and nothing else I think this type of talk is in the bounds of the tradition of the church. When needs among widows came up for first century believers the leaders of the time (Peter, Paul, John, etc.) delegated authority and raised leaders to take care of their needs. If believers needed clothes because there were some lacking they would do the same thing as well clothing the naked.

Talking Sex, The Modern Way

In the case for many churches the sex therapist and advice makers (thank you Dan and Jennifer) are making inroads into many couples and singles lives giving timely advice and proper direction in and out of the bedroom. Church leaders desperate to reach to the needs of their audience and seeing the growing concerns raised over sexual issues in their pews ( adultery, variety in the bedroom, etc.) realize they are behind the curve. So in order to “save” the message they try and bring it upon themselves to get the message out to where its needed.

I applaud Rev. Lawson’s approach to getting sexual help to his congregation and stand with him when people in his North Alabama region makes a big stink about sex. The good people of the region should get a grip and start talking to their family about sex. If they don’t know enough about the subject of sexuality then this is the time to delve on line and in the bookstores and libraries to find out. There is enough good material to get any parent ready to have “the talk” with their children.

Where I differ with him is that this talk should have happened ages ago. Fancy marketing may be good for a time, but this must be a talk for the long term. There needs to be healthy debate and discussion coming from both sides of the issue. I long for a minister with the moral guts to take on each subject of relationships, dating, and sexuality without the prepackaged agenda stamped on every minister coming out of seminary (or cemetery as one of my minister friends puts it). A frank talk about sex is one I think teens and adults in Christian and non-Christian circles could use in a big way.

How To Host A Swinging Party Without Annoying The Neighbors

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 13:10:37 +0000

Tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense.

(From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online)

My grandmother drilled the need to be tactful towards others as a child. My grandmother pointed out how adults can do things in front of other people without considering their own thresholds. I apply this lesson in my own adult life because it is easy to forget not everyone shares the same liberties as I do.

It’s a lesson Jim Trulock, Julie Norris and the city of Duncanville, Texas can learn in their battle over a tiny little swingers club called the Cherry Pit. No, it’s not an actual club in a building somewhere in the city but it is operated in the home of the couple.

The Battle Over The Swinger’s Club

Trulock and Norris opened their home to receive both friends and couples to party at their house. Not a problem with a party going on in the suburbs, but it becomes a problem when it is a weekly occurrence bringing traffic and annoyance to their neighborhood.

The weekly parties at the Cherry Pit prompted the city to do everything from visit the home with warnings to adding no parking signs near the house. When this didn’t work the city then enacted new laws prohibiting the running of a sex club out of a residential area. Citation after citation came from the city; when this happened Trulock sent his lawyers in to argue the constitutionality of the ordinances.

Once the police entered the facility to raid their “club” the battle escalated prompting court appearances, accusations, and a mention by Bill O’Reilly of Fox News.

In the year and a half of back and forth over who is right (whether the residence can be used as a private club or if zoning laws prohibited this activity in a residential area) I think the whole thing could be solved if both sides could meet each other half way instead of the legal monster it is now.

Isn’t it time for a little tact on both sides? How about a review of some swinging rules in this situation?

Swinger Lifestyle Rules

You know the basic rules in the Lifestyle:

No means no.
Treat ladies like ladies—before and after the party.
Practice safe sex

Here’s a fourth one: Never throw a swingers party in a place that either annoys the neighbors or draw attention to you from law enforcement.

Don’t Annoy The Neighbors….

Is The Marriage Brand Under Attack? Take The Poll!

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 13:22:58 +0000

A recent study conducted by the Parents Television Council reveals American television depiction of marriage is getting the short end of the stick compared to sexual imagery describing the "joys" of extra-marital sex, BDSM, swinging, and the like.

Such references, according to PTC, outnumber marital sex 3:1.

So? What’s Wrong With That?

So why is a study like this rubbing me the wrong way? Because this study is nothing short of a scare tactic trying its best to get viewers ashamed of themselves from ever talking about any sexual issues couples, married or not, are talking about in the real world.

"Why do you want to go down this road? Come back to marital sex; come back to the traditional and the true." I wish we all could but judging by the recent divorce rates, the number of struggling marriages nationwide, and the number of extra marital affairs in the news and in private the marriage brand is looking pretty worn and dusted instead of new and busted.

How Does Society Affect The Marriage Bed?

Again the age old question of does television affect society or is society affecting television comes into play. We see how today many couples and singles are talking about everything from sex toys to an occasional "booty call". In suburbia, we see couples mowing their yard and taking their kids to soccer practices all the time.

However, these same couples are out at the strip clubs or “swapping” with their neighbors when the sun goes down. Also in suburbia, the drama of couples making up and breaking up happens much more frequently (and without a Hollywood script) than on Wisteria Drive among the ladies from Desperate Housewives.

Marriage Statistics

In putting this story together one study from 2005 (from the New York Times) finds 51% of women are living without a spouse, up from 35%. The 2005 study also found married couples becoming the minority instead of the majority.

For the PTC blaming television of the ill news about marriage is both asinine and thoughtless. Or, to put it in the popular vernacular, it’s sounds like a "you" problem not a "we" problem.

The idea of marriage not getting a fair shake on television is ludicrous! Marriage for years is portrayed as the "cure all" to all sexual issues and lustful intentions. Someone forgot to tell those proponents it shouldn’t be used as a stop gate to begin with.

To blame television as the "ill" maker of society has more to do with the lack of creativity on the part of television executives and in Hollywood (i.e.–reality television) cheapening the airwaves with fast food programming then families and couples going through the struggles and challenges of everyday life.

The Real Problem

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Banned! Books You Won’t Find In Your Public Library…

Christ Pro Erotic — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:42:52 +0000

Over ten years ago and it still is a lightning rod issue for me.

Almost a decade ago, I went to the Dayton/Montgomery County Public Library main branch to witness a war of ideas. A normal night in the library auditorium would have but a handful of persons engaged in some type of meeting. Not on the night I would be there.

Banning books that promote alternate lifestyles

Nearly 100 people crammed inside and outside the auditorium to hear the library board’s decision whether two controversial books could stay in the library. Books staying in the library? I thought every book was welcomed in the library. Not if you were the parents of some of the ultra conservative Christians in town who looked down on any book promoting the gay lifestyle.

Heather Has Two Mommies and Daddy’s Roommate was found by one the church members who quickly went into action. They rallied, protested, and got the media involved. In the end the library board voted unanimously to keep the books in the selection (it would later be dispersed in various categories in the children’s library, but neither books were banned from the library due to their content).

This made the ultra-conservative parents livid. They made threats of God’s judgment on the staff and the library and, in some show of protest, sent their children to place their cut library cards on the board’s table and walked out. If only I had the courage or the fortitude that night to say what I am saying to you now: Their actions exemplified idiotic behavior more than anything else I can imagine.

Two books about people who are in our community is such a threat to our community? So what if two women or men are raising kids, at least they have a story about their lives they can identify with and to help inform the community about their lives. Yet you will find the few trying to tell the many what is acceptable reading and what is not. The libraries and bookstores around the country are a bastion of free speech where ideas and thoughts can find equal footing to the populace.

Other surprising banned books

Every book on the shelves have a right to be on there for readers young and old to enjoy and learn from. Both book mentioned above are not the only two books finding controversy over its topics. You’ll be surprised what books find themselves on the infamous list of “banned books”

1. The Color Purple by Alice Walker

2. I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing by Maya Angelou

3. It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris (Sex Ed)

4. The Golden Compass by Phillip Pulman

The ten most controversial books

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Christian Couples FINALLY Enjoying ‘Whoopee’ Time!

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 13:56:43 +0000

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ;Let me take the speck out of your eye when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"" Matthew 7: 3,4 (New International Version)

Nearly five years since starting Christian Pro Erotic, after years of struggling with my faith and my sexual needs, after hearing the stories of many people of faith in the same situation I finally read the article in the July 7th Time Magazine.

Sexuality for Married Couples

And God Said, "Just Do It" is about Christian fellowships and churches tackling sexuality for married couples. It seems a movement is burgeoning where ministers and ministries are focusing on one issue: married couples in the church need more sex!

Finally, after so many years, we are cleaning a stubborn speck in the eye. Instead of putting down those in the world whose marriages do not live up to the snuff of church standards Christians will finally try to take out the plank of high divorce rates and failed sex lives from the eye of the body of Christ.

Christian couples are finding programs such as New Directions Christian Church (Memphis, Tennessee) with their series"40 Nights of Grreat Sex" or Relevant Church (Tampa, Florida) with their "30-Day Sex Challenge" available to them to help their marriages grow and prosper.

I can tell you 20 years ago or so the advice would have been to "just pray about it and God will give you the clues to figure our how it will work out".

A step in the right direction

Not anymore.

Now along with the Good Book we are finding couples armed with (gasp) the Joy of Sex in their arsenal to take back their bedrooms from a stale existence.

To me this is a step in the right direction and one which is way overdue; if these materials were available to Christian couples in the past–leadership and members–many marriages could have avoided heartache and tragedy in their lives. To realize they are failing in the battle in the bedroom is a signal playtime is over. The church is ready to catch up with many other couples who made each night a night to remember.

The church had a flimsy argument to folks outside the church about engaging in spicing up their bedroom life. We kept serving Vanilla when everyone else dove into cartons of Rocky Road and Cookies and Cream (whether you add this to your bedroom play is up to you).

The church balked at toys, oils, massages and (gasp) alternative venues to make things interesting. The thing I could not understand was how those folks who lasted 40 plus years together keep it together when it came to times of intimacy?

The road that led to adultery

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Parents. You ARE The Sex Ed Teacher.

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:17:15 +0000

When was the last time you saw something on your Blackberry of a friend of yours was “sexting” in a photo they’ve sent you? Don’t know what I’m talking about?

Good. I didn’t until hearing the terms passed around lately in the news and around young people.

According to the Urban Dictionary.com (a must for parents/adults alike), sexting is defined as “v: the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.”

Your teen knows what it means

And yes, if you think your pre-teen or teenager is not up to this term, think again.

I think for all the sexual freedom talk, it’s hard to judge what is the right course of action to take when your pre-teen or teenager is acting out something which should be left in the bedroom. It’s even harder today when our kids are more astute with the latest technology than any of us were 10 or 20 years ago.

From cell phones to text messaging to YouTube and Facebook , kids and teens show an ability to master the latest gizmo available on the market. They take it, use it, and create it to be their own identity; they make their homepages and profiles incredibly savvy even for the novice user.

The danger for young people

The danger is many young people are knowledgeable about sexual terms and how to do them, but not have the knowledge to be responsible to themselves and others.

Meanwhile, parents are left in the dust.

Many adults with kids get their children these devices, or give them unlimited time on the computer unaware of how far down the rabbit hole they can go. Your kids can be in their room or at school for hours, with parents not knowing what is on their cell phone, their personal page, or God knows what else. So how do sexually hip parental units find a balance between allowing your kids freedom to grow?

Simple. Be parental. Mom, Dad…Engage!

Getting to know what your children are doing means you may need to get as technically savvy as your kids. It may be as simple as having a sit down chat with your kids. It may mean you will have to confiscate their cell phones or computer to check out what they have on them.

Be a parent; not a friend

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Texas Polygamists Lack Freedom Of Choice

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 11 May 2008 14:17:33 +0000

I must admit when it comes to the polyamory world I tend to be a bit on the somewhat clueless side. It’s not because I don’t know about the world of polyamorous lifestyle, but because I can’t imagine myself being with more than one mate/girlfriend in my life.

But there are couples, Christian or otherwise, who don’t have a problem involving others in their relationships on an equal par regarding their intimate and practical lives.

The term “polyamory” is defined as “the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationships at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous perspectives differ from monogamous perspectives, in that they reflect one or more partner’s wish (es) to have further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships.” (From Wikipedia)

This is not what we are talking about today.

Allegations of Child Abuse

No, this is about the recent raid of the Fundamentalist Mormon compound “Yearning for Zion” in Eldorado, Texas. This raid took place because of allegations of abuse to the children by a call to authorities (currently they are not able to substantiate the actual caller).

As many as 533 women and children were taken away by Texas authorities and 416 boys and girls ranging from six months to 17 years went from being in an isolated life to the real world.

Some may say that this is an intrusion of the government and the law; some may say it is needed to send a message that the current laws on the books cannot protect this lifestyle. What really stands out to me through all the media hype and public interest is the lack of freedom these kids and women have in regards to their spiritual, sexual and marital lives.

The teachings of the Fundamental Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are far from the mainstream teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. LDS members worldwide are aware with the history of having multiple wives; Bringham Young and other church leaders were known to have many wives in the church’s infancy.

Until the turn of the 19^th century, the law and the church teachings of having legal multiple marriages came together thus making it clear to all members it was frowned on to have this in Mormon life. But this new view did not stop splinter groups from holding on to the current trend.

Groups like the FLDS made it a point to marry not just young girls to older men (from their 20s to as old as their 50s), it also had no problem having marriages with close relatives leading to inbreeding. This portion of the poly lifestyle is wrong.

It’s about choice

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What The Church Should Be Telling You About Sexuality But Isn’t…

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 04 May 2008 23:47:36 +0000

I have heard every type of sermon in 30 years time ranging from the typical foundational teachings to Dr. Seuss (if you can believe it) as a reference for deeper truths.

But the more typical subjects on sexual issues and relationship issues in the church and elsewhere range from marriage, single dating, and sex before or during marriage, abortion, and the dreaded gay and lesbian surge.

Sadly, there are other issues out there believers in Christ should be hearing from their pulpits. So permit this writer to expose some of those subjects because its high time believers and non-believers alike fight against such things for the sake of everyone on the planet.

Why don’t we hear about rape?

Why don’t we hear a preacher talk about how rape affects everyone? EVERYONE! According to Rape Abuse and Incest National Network 1 out of 6 women and 1 out of 33 men are raped in their lifetime. This leads to depression, suicide, and drug/alcohol abuse, not the pretty “sweet by and by” topics heard but something every believer and non-believer needs to hear about.

And the children, that’s a whole article in itself; incest and ministerial abuse is even as disgusting and falls under this category. There is also the topic of prison rape that is largely ignored by the best of minister (especially when dealing with prison ministries)

If the church really wants to see healing of the body, mind, spirit, and soul then they need to deal with this topic head on. Until it is, thousands of men, women and children will keep in silence never finding healing or release for the things they’ve experienced. Anger, bitterness, rage, and deep hurt are issues that need the churches attention more than if two men or women live in loving relationships.

Why don’t we hear about the international sex trade?

Around the world the sex trade is so huge it is catastrophic to many families and friends. From families who can’t afford to keep their kids and give their kids away to the sex trade to women taken from villages from eastern and developing countries to satisfy the needs of their “clientele” this is a crime which needs a voice.

Where are the ministers in the world who will give these women (and men) a voice? Girls from preteens and older need someone to speak for them or they will be nothing more than objects in the hands of people who have no care for their welfare.

Why do we not hear about adults with urges for sexual relationship with children?

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Going Topless? The Naked Truth About Women and Bare Breasts

Christ Pro Erotic — Thu, 01 May 2008 13:57:41 +0000

Janet Jackson got a bum rap! Or is that "boob" rap?

You remember the furor over Michael’s little sister and the infamous flash seen round the world at the Super Bowl a few years ago?

CBS is still trying to recover from the whole incident; it is also trying to recover some cash after the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) made their pockets light a few dollars over the entire affair.

Jackson has yet to recover from her "flash" in the pan, but amazingly Justin Timberlake’s career has skyrocket proclaiming to "bring sexy back." Right.

Should Women Be Allowed By Law To Show Their Breasts in Public?

Take the controversial poll at the end of this article to see where you fit in!

Wait! Give this Video 5 Stars and Subscribe Today so you don’t miss a single video.

The old double standard at work

I see a double standard here.

Timberlake can look good with his wet t-shirt photo on the Rolling Stones and no one even throws a stone at his bare chest image. Jackson shows one breast and you thought Western Civilization would crumble before our eyes. It is the breast that has kept many a child in our culture alive through their infant days.

It is the breast that is viewed as "dirty" and "unclean". It is time for our Western Culture to drop the double standard, get a grip at what is "dirty", and allow women everywhere the right to choose to let their breast free or not.

Breast gets such a bad rap sometimes as either visually distracting to men (and some women) or they treat women with smaller size breast with disregard. If you are a mother breast-feeding your child, then you are treated as if you are a topless dancer; if you are woman who chooses to flash your breast you can be charged with “indecent exposure” inciting a “riot” with their breast.

Guys can let their chest out for as long as they want without a question; women showing their breast out in public are treated with disregard over their choice of letting their girls out. Trust me, there are times I wonder if men and their breast size should put on a bra and over their mammary sacks up?

More of the double standard

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Sex Toys – Let Adults Enjoy the Right to Buy and Sell Them

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 13:50:06 +0000

There are many threats facing our nation today: global warming, the economy, terrorism, health care, etc.

But none of these stack up against the greatest threat facing us today: the proliferation of sex toys. At least it was a problem in the state of Texas until a Federal Appeals court overturned a statewide ban on sex toys.

At issue, the distribution of sex toys and other adult items for couples and singles at “Tupperware” like parties. The law made it illegal based on the idea that such sales were deemed “obscene devices”. A person caught doing this could spend up to two years in jail.

Thankfully the courts saw this rule coming into conflict with the right to privacy (the 14th Amendment for you and I) and struck it down.

Thank God it got shot down because I know it would be a strange sight seeing men and women on the street corners trying to sell hummingbirds and G-spot wands to couples in need of a fix. This means the only two states left to overturn such a ruling and join the rest of the country in the 21st century are Alabama and Mississippi.

Laws like this one hurts those who are hosting and distributing marital aides and sex toys to couples and singles looking for extra fun in the bedroom. Meanwhile, there are those who feel you (a consenting adult) shouldn’t have these items for fear of perversion and abnormal behavior in the bedroom.

The truth about sex toys

Truth is sex toys only pose the simple threat of adding spice into the life a single person or a couple. Sex toys offer variety into the bedroom; God forbid if we add some flavor into the bedroom.

With growing frustration in the bedroom, couples breaking up over a lack of variety what crime is committed if couples want to make their relationship stronger?

Let’s break it down for you, sex toys or marital aides will help ensure relationships and relieve stress. Any time we can relieve stress in this world of ours is a very good thing. Sex toys don’t diminish you as a person or single you out as inferior in the bedroom.

Benefits for men and for women

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Is There A Place For Pornography In ANY Relationship?

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 13:48:45 +0000

It is one of the most thankless jobs in the world. Men and women sprawling on makeshift movie sets–indoors or outdoors, rain or shine–to bring the public what they want to see: Sex and nakedness on their local tube or computer screen.

Porn is a booming business

From posing naked bodies to oral sex to intercourse to orgasm the adult movie business, and industry is available to people around the world 24/7.

Be it in the privacy of a motel room, bedroom of a family, on a computer laptop, bought at an adult bookstore or shop, etc. the billion dollar business is enjoying its best business ever.

Do you admit to your partner that you watch porn?

Take the controversial poll at the end of this article to see where you fit in!

Objections to porn

Whatever you do, though, do not tell the feminists, government, or the church set. In a rare show of agreement, these three groups find many things offensive because of one reason or another.

Feminists feel women are objects and are devalued in power and purpose; in the past few years, the U.S. government is ever trying to make more regulation on the books making it harder for consenting adults; the church and moralist find tons wrong over issues ranging from the glorification of premarital sex to the promotion of gay / lesbian / bisexual / transgender “lifestyles”.

Each group has validated their points regarding the ills of pornography (according to their belief systems). I believe instead of taking the battle against the things most consenting adults enjoys we can focus the battle against issues 90% of adults can agree on (i.e. child pornography, child abuse, etc). Plus, I wish these groups would press the issue regarding the performers and their health (i.e. mandatory testing by studios of all performers).

Is porn getting a bad rap?

Now the first question we need to ask is if pornography is getting a bad rap or not? My answer for this one is yes! Many definitions can be made for pornography, but one I would like to use and stick with is this one:

Pornography: The art that captures the fantasies, desires, and dreams of the populace’s sexual lives. Its function is to stimulate, educate, and entice the viewer to visual ideas towards sexuality.

Can it be improved?

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Abstinence Only? Does it Really Work?

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:45:55 +0000

Shelby Knox is one of my biggest heroes!

Who is she? She was a Lubbock, Texas high school student (she’s now in college as of this writing), a church attendee, and comes from a conservative home. Knox was also the subject of the PBS series “P.O.V.” called “The Education of Shelby Knox” where she is the focus of her four years in high school and her fight to bring comprehensive sexual education to her school. Why would someone like her be leading a fight like this?

The Prophet

Like any good “prophet” she saw her people—classmates—suffering form increasing teen pregnancy in her school and others in Lubbock and the spread of STDs. She challenged the Lubbock School Board several times but to no avail; in her journey she realizes places like Lubbock and other areas in the country need to give teens the tools needed to help them to make informed choices when being intimate with another person.

Knox is one of my heroes because she was willing to step outside of her comfort zone and ask the tough questions needed to be asked. Her example helps me to write what I write and ask those tough questions the church and Christians are afraid to ask. I also share her passion over ending the abstinence only teaching in most country and start teaching a through sexual education program around the country and the world.

Choose abstinence for the right reasons

Don’t get me wrong; abstinence is not a bad thing to decide to do for your sexual health. I remember taking my human sexuality course and the instructor taking a sheet of paper and drew a line through the page.

On one side, the risk of being abstinence, the other side, the risk of being sexually active was on the other side of the sheet. While the risk on the sexually active is evident—STD, pregnancy, emotional issues, etc.—those who stay abstinent avoided any of those possible pitfalls. Now proponents supporting the latter view will smile, give high fives, and point at me saying, “see, I told you so!”

Real world issues

However, lets look at the real world shall we? We are human beings, but we are many different parts that make us who we are. We are spiritual beings with the need to be connected with the divine. We are social beings with the need to connect with other people around us. We are sexual beings because, I believe, God made us with the great power to enjoy our sexuality and create life.

With such a great power and responsibility, shouldn’t the final say of how it is used be left to us? The Spiderman geek in me harkens to the mantra created by Stan Lee:“With great power comes great responsibility.”

Give them some credit

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Think Masturbation is Wrong? Here’s The REAL Truth…

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 14:18:15 +0000

This is how messed up my understanding of faith and sexuality was as a believer in Jesus. In order to show myself worthy and approved, in order to make sure I can present myself pure before God, self-love was not an option for a believer because it was seen as a sin against God.

Masturbation means I see something (or someone) to cause my loins to stir and thus touch myself; this means I violated the "fornication" code of having sex outside of marriage and violating God’s plan for me.

The message against masturbation

I can’t remember if I became a believer first, masturbated first, or both, but I think after reading some Christian books and hearing teachers from the pulpit come heavy against sexual issues I got the message very clear. If you are to a believer of honor, then you are to keep yourself sexually pure till marriage.

I tried not to touch myself down there. Not to masturbate or think of pleasing myself because it’s evil, of course. My will power (unfortunately) was like one Cosmo Kramer who was the first to loose "the Contest" against Jerry, Elaine, and George on the Seinfield series.

Then again, that could be a good thing.

But is It really wrong?

You see after many tears, many times mentally and spiritually beating myself up, I soon realized maybe masturbation is not a bad thing after all. My human sexuality teacher recommended Betty Dodson’s book "Sex for One."

Man! Talk about an eye opening theory about the practice; she even had pictures and the whole nine yards.

But the thing that won me over to the "Touch Myself" club was a letter from a Pentecostal woman from Cincinnati, Ohio. She wrote how she felt guilty for years due to the church world she lives in, but because of the book it opened her eyes and mind. Now she knows God won’t shoot her down for touching herself.

"Well if she can do it and find inner peace, why not me?" I thought.

The truth about loving yourself

I realized a few things along the way to enjoy masturbation and keep things in perspective:

Many believers look at Onan as the reason why masturbation shouldn’t be part of a believer or non-believers life. If the passage in Genesis is looked at closely you can see it wasn’t masturbation in the sense of giving pleasure to ones self. God struck down Er because of his wickedness. After that happened, God asked Onan to fulfill the duty of his brother and continue the gene line by lying with his widow Tamar.

In what could be dubbed "the costliest money shot of all time" Onan "spilled his seed" so Er’s family line wouldn’t have an offspring. So Onan lost his life over the betrayal.

Tradition and retribution

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Sex Before Marriage – Single People Of The World Rejoice!

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 15:54:26 +0000

My single brothers and sisters, we need to talk.

After reading a great article from Bella M. DePaulo about single life, it seems single people get the shaft on many levels: the workplace, getting housing (despite having the means to pay for it), the notion married people are happier than single people in the workplace, etc. The one area I think Ms. DePaulo is missing that’s a slight towards single people is sexuality.

Consequences of promiscuous sexual behavior

For a long time, you’ve been warned from parental units to the street preachers not to engage in promiscuous sexual behavior. Many single people — Christians or non-believers — would spend moments worrying if God has a lightning bolt with your name engraved on it for having a sexual thought or touching yourself in an inappropriate way.

Funny how you’re asked to put your life on the line by joining the military, drive a car, pay taxes, hold a job, and find housing for yourself and you still can’t be trusted for your own sexual lives.

Many in the church think single people are unable to control yourself and that you’re one step away from being an extra on a Girls Gone Wild DVD. I believe its time for the church, parents and our government to stop treating you like children and give the information needed to face your sexual life with confidence.

Save yourself for marriage?

Too often many in the Christian circles try to scare you into a forced life of single celibacy (what the rest of us call abstinence): Save yourself for marriage lest you become a raging sex fiend. In their minds, fear and guilt can cause many to avoid sex and save themselves from contracting STDs or risk pregnancy.

The ultimate cure all to sexual activity is marriage. One problem: Marriage doesn’t give you automatic knowledge about sexuality on the same lines as becoming a single persons can’t make you fully knowledgeable about handling an adult relationship.

Add to it the fury is the misuse of the word “fornication” from many pulpits and Bible scholars and you have young adults confused as to what God means about sex outside of marriage. Instead of its proper usage, they lump this word with every abnormal expression of sexuality instead of normal expressions of sexual intimacy.

Singles are reduced to sitting at the kiddy table of life. “Here, here little Johnny or Jane, we’ll cut up your plate of what you can have sexually for you and you’ll eat what we tell you to or else you can do without.”

Enough!

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Sex, Religion, and Hypocrisy – Will Embracing Your Sexuality Offend God?

Christ Pro Erotic — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 14:51:55 +0000

"The trouble with lies is it’s hard to forget where the real man hides."

–Gene Eugene, lead singer of Adam Again

I always admire people who are not afraid to come out in the light and live their life fearlessly. The Naked Cowboy in Times Square playing his guitar and giving a smile in the busiest city in the world.

An exotic dancer at a Gentleman’s club showing off her skill, talent and her body knowing full well their relatives or friends could walk into the door at any time. They are honest and open about who they are and despite their inner fears they face it and deal with whatever the outcome.

Unfortunately, people of the Christian faith have a harder time dealing with being an honest people. Oh don’t get me wrong, their faith is strong and many don’t have a trouble getting dressed to head into church to worship God. But if there is any subject that causes even the truest of believer to cower into the corner its sex.

Sex keeps even the truest believer to find a good excuse to be somewhere else other than in the place where you are. Why? In many pulpits around the world it is taught that sex is wonderful when it is placed in the marital bed.

Sex outside of that (or any variance of “God’s design”) is an abomination in the eyes of God, so they say. Yet many a believer—myself included—find us in situations where we say one thing and do another.

This is the hypocrite’s tale. It is a tale of longing, wanting badly to be honest about what we are attracted to. Our love of everything sexual, and a desire to have a relationship where there are no secrets between our partners and ourselves is a dream that seems so far away.

Some in the church say that’s an oxymoron! I say this is not only attainable but something I think God supports in our lives. But if we are to get to that place of honesty there is one thing you and I need to say from the get go:

I LOVE SEX!

Say that three times to yourself or stand in the mirror and say it out loud. There, don’t you feel better now? I hope so. If we are to start on the road to honesty we need to say this to ourselves and admit we enjoy this great gift God created in us. So you like sex eh? Good. Now lets get down to the next phase of an honest life.

Here is a revelation that is going to shock the socks off of you. Baring any sexual abuse to children, animals, an adulterous affair, or other adults who are forced upon sexually you can enjoy pretty much anything else provided it doesn’t offend your conscious or the conscious of anyone else. God has given you the freedom to enjoy the wide range of sexuality. From masturbation to even (dare I say it) inviting others into your bedroom you don’t have to act in the shadows again.

Too good to be true, you say?…