Ask Dan and Jennifer » Swingers & Threesomes

Britney Spears “3″ – Are Threesomes “In?” (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:20:57 +0000

It’s every guy’s wet dream right – and no, we’re not talking about the Princess-Leia-in-the-gold-bikini fantasy. We’re talking about threesomes. Threesomes have long been touted as the “holy grail” of sex for guys, and any real life threesome gives a guy automatic bragging rights to his friends. Women who are down with threesomes are considered wild and fun, and as society becomes less censored and more open about human sexuality, threesomes are actually a commonly accepted practice. So are threesomes the new black?

Britney Spears “3″ is one of the most popular songs out there right now, but how many of you have stopped to actually listen to the words? Britney claims that threesomes are the new “in.” Well, that’s what we’re talking about today on the show. Are threesomes the new “in” or a disaster for your relationship?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Why Are Threesomes So Popular

Guys are visual. We all know that. One naked girl = one erection. So what about two naked girls? More erections? Double the pleasure? What about if the two girls start getting sexual with each other while the man watches? Or better yet, what if the two girls start getting sexual with each other and with the above mentioned man? Guys tend to like “bigger” and “better” things, and there’s really nothing “bigger” or “better” when it comes to sex than threesomes or foursomes. Not only do you have twice – or three times – the visual stimulation, you also have several different physical sensations going on at once. When you take all emotion whatsoever out of it and think about it like a guy does – that is, looking at it from a purely physical standpoint – it’s not hard to see why threesomes are so popular. Many women enjoy threesomes as well, if they are secure and confident in themselves, their relationships and their sexuality. Sometimes, three’s not really a crowd.

Will A Threesome Destroy Your Relationship?

Some women – and men too – absolutely refuse to have an open relationship or even consider having a threesome. Some girls are afraid that if they are open to having a threesome, it will ruin their relationship. Not only can jealousy ruin a threesome, it can hurt too. It can also be hard to imagine going back to a normal sex life after introducing a threesome or a foursome. How can you ever top that? How can you ever keep your man from wanting to add another girl every time? There are definitely a lot of concerns for women when it comes to thinking about having a threesome or foursome. How can you handle those concerns?

A threesome won’t ruin a relationship or even damage it, in and of itself. It’s what can happen when there’s no clear communication between all the parties involved in the threesome, and when someone’s expectations are too high. There are, however, ways you can avoid trouble when it comes to inviting another person – or persons – into your bed.

How To Make A Threesome Successful

First, talk to your partner about having a threesome. Is it something you both want? Do you want to have a threesome just to please your partner, or is it something you would enjoy too? Making sure you’re on the same starting page is the first step. When you’ve come to the decision that having a threesome is something you and your partner would both enjoy doing together, talk to each other and establish some ground rules. What are you both expecting out of a threesome? Is your partner expecting you to have threesomes often if you’re comfortable with it, or is this a once-in-a-lifetime deal? Talk about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with, and how you want to deal with things that make you uncomfortable. Once you’ve reached common ground when it comes to the threesome, above all, make sure anyone else that is involved in your threesome is in the know too.

Would You Have A Threesome?

32% of users who answered our online threesome poll suggested they would “absolutely” have a threesome, no questions asked. 40% suggested they would have a threesome if they were with “the right group of friends.” Only a small percentage – 29% to be exact – suggested they wouldn’t even consider having a threesome. So are threesomes “in?” Would you have a threesome? Take our poll here, only on Ask Dan and Jennifer.

Swinger Danger! What To Do When Swinging Goes Wrong? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:00:15 +0000

Swinging can be fun, but sometimes one or more people find themselves in an uncomfortable situation. Can “swinging gone wrong” be prevented? How do you figure out what went wrong so it doesn’t happen again – or is there nothing you can do to keep uncomfortable swinger situations from cropping up?

A swinging situation involving rough sex goes wrong – what went wrong and how could it have been avoided? What you need to know to prevent swinging mishaps from happening to you!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Communication, Communication, Communication

When it comes to communicating with your partner before swinging, and your potential swinging partners, there just isn’t enough. You simply can’t go overboard when you talk to your significant other and your friends before, during and even after each swinging session. The “before swinging” talk is the most important, especially if you’re with a new couple. Get to know your potential swingers before you actually swing. Talk about what you like, what they like and what you both don’t like or are uncomfortable with. The most common swinging “mishap” is when someone does something that someone else is uncomfortable with, but nobody said anything beforehand. Talk about your boundaries with your partner and your potential swinger friends. What are some things you aren’t willing to do? Cover your bases before you take your clothes of – you’ll save a lot of frustration and embarassment later. Don’t be afraid to hash out even the smallest of details. Don’t like red panties? Let it be known. Silly as it may seem, swinging is about people having fun together and it’s no fun if someone is uncomfortable.

Don’t Go Too Fast

When it comes to swinging, going slow is the way to go. You might be eager to jump in feet first, especially if you’re a first time swinger and have been thinking about it for awhile, but it’s difficult to go backwards with swinging. Start out by just making friends at first, or flirting a little. Have a few drinks with your potential swinging partners and get to know them. Talk about sex, and perhaps watch them having sex or let them watch you. Take baby steps. Doing a full swap right away can definitely be uncomfortable for first time swingers, and after a full swap, it can cause problems if you want to take it back to watching, or just oral sex.

Voice Your Concerns

So you’ve covered everything – at least you think you have – and you’re ready to start swinging. Your first swap goes great, until someone does something that weirds you out. What do you do? Keep quiet and say something afterwards? Let it bother you and ruin your fun? Absolutely not! While you want to be tactful and polite (even if something really bothers you), you want to be able to say something during the swap. That’s why it’s so important to swing with people you know and are comfortable with! If you let everyone know that something isn’t working for you, good swingers won’t judge you or criticize you. They’ll simply find another way to have fun that’s good for you too. If you swing with people who aren’t that way, find yourselves new swinger friends fast! Also, you want to be the kind of swingers that other people want to swing with too – so don’t be critical or judgemental if someone else pipes up with a concern. Take it all in stride and remember it’s about having a good time!

The Psychology Of Swinging – What’s A Curious Girl To Do? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:00:46 +0000

When it comes to swinging, setting the boundaries can seem awfully intimidating. Subconsciously, you might not want to set the boundaries because you’re nervous about swinging or you’re afraid of being rejected by your partner. You might not know how to talk to your partner about swinging, or how to begin setting the boundaries for what you’re comfortable with and what your partner is comfortable with. You’re curious about swinging, so what should you do?

A wife is interested in swinging and attracted to sexual encounters with girls (and guys), but is uncomfortable with the idea of letting her husband play too. Is this normal? Where can she set the boundaries?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Complications Of Swinging

One of the problems that many couples have with swinging is that one of the partners wants to play with others, but they’re uncomfortable with their partner playing with anyone else. That’s why many couples have bad experiences with swinging, or don’t get into swinging at all, because they’re too jealous or selfish to let their partner have fun too. So if you’re uncomfortable with your partner getting to play, but you want to play, what do you do? The answer – which is the same for most questions about swinging – is talk to your partner. Be open with them. Tell them why it makes you uncomfortable. You might get lucky – your partner may not be interested in swinging themselves, but are interested in watching you play! You never know until you talk to your partner about it. But don’t be surprised if your partner feels that watching you swing while they’re on the sidelines isn’t fair (because it isn’t, unless they’re totally okay with it.)

Being Fair And Finding Balance

Jealousy and insecurity is normal when it comes to swinging and thinking about your partner having sexual pleasure with someone else. As fun as this idea might seem to you when you’re thinking about yourself getting to play, the tables can turn quickly when you imagine your partner with someone else. It’s important to be fair though, because unfair swinging has led to the destruction of many solid relationships. You need to learn how to work through your jealousy and insecurity and make sure you and your partner are both okay with swinging and each other swinging, and make sure that you both have open minds about it. If you can’t work through it? Don’t even go there. Don’t swing. Swinging isn’t for everybody and if you find that you’d rather not see your partner play, give up the idea of playing yourself.

The most important thing, however, is to talk to your partner before swinging. Come to agreements about what is okay and what isn’t. And don’t think you have to go all in if you’re just starting to swing. Maybe you just want to watch once or twice, or keep it soft. There are flavors of swingers for everyone, whether you want to go all the way or just keep it soft and sensual. You can always change your mind and go forwards – for example, if you want to start out just watching, maybe you can change it up and allow oral sex if you’re comfortable with that. Keep in mind, however, it’s harder to go back.

How To Find Your Swinging Comfort Zone (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:00:51 +0000

Swinging seems taboo, but more and more couples are talking about it as a way to spice up their sex lives. Swinging can be fun and can involve flirting, roleplaying, watching or going all the way with other couples. Not everything is right for everybody though, so here’s how to find your swinging comfort zone so you and your partner can have fun and have a fun, exciting sex life!

How can someone interested in swinging establish their own comfort zone and boundaries so they can have a fun and exciting sexual experience?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Challenging Your Comfort Zones

Many couples are afraid to start swinging because – duh – it’s completely out of your sexual comfort zone. Especially if you’ve been with your partner for years, starting to swing is just like dating all over again. You’re nervous meeting people, nervous about having a physical relationship with them…it’s not at all like the comfortable sex you have with your partner! Don’t worry though – swinging is commonly misunderstood. It’s not just a massive orgy all the time where everyone does everything with each other. Swingers are just adults looking to have a good time in a variety of different ways – so it’s time to challenge your comfort zones without jumping right out of them.

What Are Your Comfort Zones?

Even if your comfortable with your partner, you might not be in sync with them when it comes to thinking about swinging. You and your partner may have completely different ideas about what you want to accomplish while swinging and what swinging means to each of you. Find out what your partner is comfortable with and what their comfort zones are, and talk about what yours are too. Think about what would possibly make you uncomfortable. Decide what the boundaries are, what you’re ok with or not ok with. Write them down! Do you want to involve oral sex but not actual intercourse, or do you want to watch only? You don’t want to find out something is not ok after it’s already happened. The best thing you can do is communicate with your partner and talk, talk, talk – and then talk some more! The biggest reason that swinging doesn’t succeed with couples is because they didn’t take the time to discuss their thoughts and feelings about swinging before and after.

Reviewing And Redoing The Rules

The rules of swinging don’t change during swinging, but they can certainly change before and after. Just because you and your partner have agreed on a set of rules for what is ok and not ok during swinging doesn’t mean it has to stay that way forever. You and your partner both have the right to review the rules and redo them at your discretion – just don’t forget to talk about it! Above all, practice safe sex if you’re having sex with other people and be smart about it. Make sure everyone is in agreement about what is going to happen, including the other couple(s) and everyone is comfortable with what is going to happen. Even though the rules don’t change during swinging, if someone is getting hurt or you’re uncomfortable with something, you certainly have the right to stop.

I’m Attracted To Girls – How Can I Share A Threesome With My Husband? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 14:00:25 +0000

Ah, the threesome. It’s almost every guy’s fantasy, but men rarely get to indulge in this popular but taboo sexual act. Some guys get lucky though, and their partner is up for a little same sex fun with their husbands – but more often than not, the woman is scared to share her newfound interest with her husband because she’s afraid she’ll have to do it every time to keep her husband from getting bored in the bedroom. What’s a girl to do?

She’s attracted to girls, he thinks it’s great – but how can she share a fun, exciting sexual experience with her husband while still staying safe and without upping the ante in their sexual relationship at home?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Opening Pandora’s Box

It’s a legitimate fear – she wants to share her attraction to girls with her husband, but she’s afraid she and her husband won’t be able to have regular sex again if they have a threesome. It’s his ultimate fantasy – so if she does it once, how can she ever live up to that again? It’s a fear that a lot of girls have and it’s one that keeps many of them from experimenting in the bedroom. Whether they’re afraid of opening the theoretical Pandora’s Box, or they’re jealous of their man with other women, many guys don’t get to have threesomes with their partners not because their partner isn’t into women, but because their partner is scared of the consequences.

Making It A Reality

If you decide that you want to try to share your attraction to women with your husband, take it one step at a time. There’s no need to dive right in with a straight-up, kinky threesome. Start by talking about girls first. Watch some videos with girls in it together, and try to meet some girls. See what it’s like to flirt and interact with other women. Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it make you jealous at all? If you find yourself uncomfortable at any time, it’s important that you recognize it as a sign to stop from moving forward. Don’t go too far too fast, because you might not be able to go back. Take your time and explore different things with your partner that involve women. You may find something that you like that doesn’t involve a threesome at all.

All Or Nothing?

Having interactions with other couples and other women isn’t all or nothing. When it comes to “swinging,” some couples simply get together and flirt, with a little light play. Some couples just watch each other get it on, while others go all the way and swap partners, share each other and do pretty much everything. Some couples just let the girls play. It depends on what you’re comfortable with, and you’re not expected to do everything all at once. The biggest reason that playing with other couples can fail is if you fail to communicate – so talk to your husband, listen to your husband, talk to the people you’re interested in interacting with and make sure that everyone is absolutely on the same page about everything.

A Facebook For Swingers? Why Kasidie is Better Than Adult Friend Finder

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 15:35:58 +0000

Sadly, most people think swinging is all about indiscriminate sex. This is the reason so many people join Adult Friend Finder, as they assume that “it’s the largest swingers dating site, so it must be the best place to hook up.” But there’s a reason why their average account lasts less than 4 months.

The little known truth about swinging is that you “come for the sex, but stay for the friendships.”

And that’s why in the lifestyle Adult Friend Finder is known as “every swingers first mistake” – we all saw the member counts, joined in hopes of hooking up and left with a hollow feeling.

The Dirty On Swinging… “Sexually Social”?

So why isn’t swinging just indiscriminate sex? For the same reason it wasn’t when you were in college. There has to be some physical and mental chemistry and a high level of mutual attraction to create an erotic, lustful situation where you want to have sex with someone. And that doesn’t happen with everyone. Not even with most. Few, in fact.

However, what you do find is a new group of people who are open-minded, uninhibited, flirtatious, highly social and just flat out fun to be around. So even though you may not have sexual energy with everyone, you find that you enjoy their company and like hanging out with them far more than your previous social network of neighbors, work colleagues, PTA members are other “vanilla’s”. And the more social you are, the more friends and acquaintances you make, the more likely it is that you will find some people from time to time with mutual attraction and with whom you do want to take the flirtation up a few notches to more salacious fun.

A dating site doesn’t help create or maintain a social network of friends. They simply don’t provide the tools necessary to do that. There needs to be a way to make friends, to manage parties and other social events, to chat with people and see what they are up to, and to join in with others who share similar interests. For vanillas, FaceBook.com does this very well and that’s the reason why people spend hours a day on the site; but when you’re connected to family, kids, work mates, church members, and others then there’s simply no way to use it for the more adventurous side of your life.

A New Kind Of Swinger’s Website

This is where Kasidie.com comes in. It’s a site built from the ground up as a social network for swingers, or as they call it, those of us who are “sexually social”: building communities and friendships with a wide variety of tools. Here you can search profiles and find people similar to yourselves, just like a dating site, but you can also form bilateral friendships, post rendezvous for spontaneous fun, join in on hundreds of parties and travel takeovers (or even host your own), become a member of any number of communities catering to interests as disparate as wine, food, sports, travel and sexuality, and build a base of friends and social activities that are geared to getting you out of the house and into flirtatious, erotic fun.

Check out Kasidie.com, you might just have the best time of your life.

He Feels A Threesome Will Solve Our Sex Issues – I Disagree (Video)

Paul Carlson — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:34:27 +0000

Threesomes have long been touted as the “coveted” sexual thing that all men want but can rarely have. If your partner has brought up having a threesome in your relationship, you’re likely not surprised – unless a “threesome” is your partner’s idea of revving up your sex life. While this can help two people who are very secure in their relationship, secure in themselves and secure in their sex life, if you’re not any of those a threesome can be disastrous. So how can you spice up your sex life without having a threesome?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My partner wants to bring a third person into our bedroom, but I want to fix our sexual issues first. Our sex life is sketchy at best… I don’t see adding a third person (threesome) any time soon and feel that he needs to show me more attention and make sure that I feel secure before adding a third person. How do I talk to him about this without causing a fight and him blowing up?

–Alexis, TX

Click here to view the embedded video.

Roleplaying

It can be hurtful to think about it in this way, but gal’s got to wonder, “Does he want a threesome because he’s not interested in me sexually anymore?” While you may be confident that your partner loves you and wants to be with you on a romantic level, hearing him introduce the idea of bringing another woman into the bedroom can definitely make you feel inadequate. Is this wrong on his part? Not likely – he’s trying to find a solution to his problem and trying to involve you at the same time. So it’s time to think outside the box a little bit. What if you roleplayed a different person entirely for him? Wore a wig, a new outfit, or even played a different part for a little while? Your partner may become very turned on by this, especially by seeing you so “out of yourself.” It’s almost like having an affair without having an affair, and the excitement and different feelings of roleplaying can really set your sex life on fire.

He Can Roleplay Too

Are you bored in the bedroom? You could be initiating sex less (thus leaving your partner high and dry) because you too are bored, or unsatisfied with your sex life. That doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less, but a little safe excitement never hurt anyone. To that end, if your partner likes the roleplaying idea, ask if he’ll try it too. Share with him some of your fantasies (being arrested by a dirty police officer anyone?) and let him decide which he feels comfortable with and let him surprise you. You might find that your own sexual desires are awakened, without something as drastic as a threesome.

Thinking Out Of The Box

Roleplaying is just one way to spice up your sex life. Start thinking outside the box – introduce toys, books, magazines, videos, costumes, lingerie, lubricants…anything sexual that will take you outside of that normal comfort zone and put you in an exciting, new sexual place. Heck, it may even be having sex on the couch instead of the bed that does it! There are so many different things you can do to give your sex life, well, a new life! All you have to do is have an open mind and get a little creative! Browse the internet for some fun ideas and when it comes to roleplaying, never, ever forget that the Star Wars Princess Leia Slave costume is just about every guy’s wet dream. Have fun!

We Play On Our Playdates – And Other Swinger Terminology

Heather Monaco — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:03:01 +0000

When I first got into the lifestyle, the idea that swingers call what they do with others “playing” seemed strange. They have “playdates.” They don’t fuck. They don’t have sex. No, they play. As a mother, this terminology cracked me up, and it made me cringe a little when my kiddo asked for a playdate with friends. I mean, ew. That is so not right.

It’s pretty typical for people who hang out together at work, as friends, in social groups to have their own vernacular. When you first enter that new world, it may seem like people are truly talking a foreign language. Here are a few things that swingers may say.

We’re Full Swap

In general, full swap means the couple has sexual intercourse with their playmates: female A will fuck male B and male A will fuck female B. Sometimes, female A will fuck female B, and male A will fuck male B (all depending on who is bisexual). Full swap is the most straightforward configuration in swinging, even in its complexity.

We’re Soft Swap!

Ah, soft swap is a little trickier. It may mean that couple A will have sex in the same room or on the same bed as couple B. Or, it may mean that female A will have sex with female B. Or, it may mean that female A will allow oral sex to be performed on her, but no penetration can occur; and maybe she’ll return the favor to female and/or male B. And perhaps, male A welcomes oral sex to be performed by female B and may perform oral sex on female B. And if the guys are bisexual, add those possibilities to the mix. In other words, if a couple says they are soft swap, that’s when you start asking questions. If you stop there, chances are someone will leave in a huff.

Girl/Girl Only

We don’t swap partners, but the girls can play together all they want.

Voyeur

One or both of us like watching you have sex with your partner, or you have sex with our partner, or both, but we don’t participate.

FMF/MFM/FMFM/Threesome/Foursome/Moresome

F stands for female, M stands for male. Most people can figure out the configurations. Threesomes, FMFs and MFMs don’t necessarily need bisexual females or males to make it work, but be sure you’re clear about what you’re looking for when you put it out there. Foursomes and FMFM are good fun, yet sometimes difficult to put together because everyone has to like each other and there are more people involved. Moresomes are typically more spontaneous, play-party-driven adventures where a big group of people wind up in a pile on a bed. Swingers may play in any or all of these configurations … or none of them (see voyeur).

I’m Bi-Curious

I’m interested in exploring sex with someone with the same chromosomal arrangement. In my mind, one can be bi-curious only through the first few encounters with someone of the same sex. After that, pick a side. Your choices are below.

I’m Bisexual

I like to have sex with someone of the same sex as much as (or maybe even a little more than) with someone of the opposite sex. If I’m bisexual, I will give and receive oral sex. Boys and girls can be bisexual, although bisexual men are generally still pretty closeted (and less accepted) in the lifestyle.

I’m Straight

If you are a boy and I am a girl, let’s get it on. And vice-versa. But if we’re not different below the belt, let’s keep it platonic. Sometimes, I’ve found, that straight girls are OK kissing other girls, or touching other girls in casual, nonsexual ways in bed. Usually for guys, straight means straight.

I’m Bi-Comfortable

And here we have yet another ambiguous bit of terminology. Bi-comfy–is s/he OK with kissing, touching, licking, sucking, going down on, being gone down on, or fucking someone of the opposite sex? In my experience, bi-comfy girls are cool with kissing and being touched sexually by another girl, and may even be OK receiving oral sex from a girl, but they’re unlikely to give oral sex. Still, it’s better to ask than assume.

Play/Playdate

Plain and simple: play is sexual play, from soup to, er, nuts. A playdate is the date you make with another couple or a single to play. No jumpropes required.

Vanilla

What swingers call people who don’t swing. Also, a descriptor for ideas that swingers find boring, negative, uptight or judgmental, especially if the judgment is about something us swingers are doing.

Swingle

An unattached swinger.

Dreaded Single Male

OK, maybe “dreaded” is a little over the top. I think that most single males in the lifestyle get a bad rap. Single males are usually on the “don’t call us, we’ll call you” list for most couples. They’re often on the “must call” list for single females, who are looking to hook up, but maybe not beyond a booty call.

Unicorn

The rare mythical creature that all couples seek, yet few find. A unicorn is a single female, usually bisexual. Having been a unicorn once, I can say that it’s a kick-ass place to be. You get wined and dined and can have your pick of couples. Or, you can be used as a sex toy, treated as something that’s not human, and it can be a sucky place to be. So be nice to your unicorns, people.

Hall Pass

A hall pass gives me permission to have sex with other couples or singles without my partner. About 60 percent of swingers have hall passes. Sometimes, they are “carte blanche” passes, meaning the person can have sex with anyone s/he chooses to. Other times they are “conditional” passes–perhaps the person can play with others when traveling for business, or with a specific person.

Same Room/Same House

We only have sex with a couple or single when their partner is in the same room, or perhaps their partner needs to be in the same house (a “hall pass lite”).

Bareback

Having sex without condoms. Believe it or not, some swingers don’t use condoms, a decision that I personally would not make.

DP

Ooh! Double-penetration … my favorite. Usually this means the woman has simultaneous anal and vaginal intercourse, but I also know chicks who like two dicks in their pussy at the same time. Either way, the experience is intense and not for the faint of heart. Also, a tip: ass first, then pussy. I learned the hard way (and he couldn’t stay hard).

The Swinger Lifestyle and Open Relationships – Is it Really CHEATING?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 19:14:14 +0000

Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

The real secret lies in really playing together and being completely open with your lover, your playmate, your partner in crime. Open up and share your fantasies, and indulge your partner in theirs. That’s the well kept secret of those with the truly incredible sex lives.

So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Sure, bringing another woman into their bed is possibly the most popular male fantasy of all time. But finding that ever elusive single girl that likes to play with couples in her spare time is more challenging than some might thing. Fact is, most single girls like to go out and have sex with single men – not with couples.

Of course there’s a lot of social stigma around “swingers” which generally comes to mind, but the reality today is very different. Rather than the old “wife swapping” lifestyle of decades past, some couples today choose to try new things to spice up their sex life, and this new thing may or may not include playing with other singles or couples.

This is not about “swinger groupies” – people who don’t care about much other than having sex with others in large orgies, and hanging out at swinger lifestyle conventions. It’s about a couple experimenting and trying a new thing or another to add more spice to their sex life. THAT’S IT!

What’s truly amazing is that for something with such stigma, over 20 million Americans engage in sex multiple partners, together with their spouses. And the most popular adult personals site shows a consistent number in each state, regardless of religious or political stereotypes.

Are you a bad person if you WANT to have sex with your friends?

Think back… maybe back to your college days. Have you ever had one of those late nights hanging out with some friends, another couple? You know the feeling… you’ve all had a little too much to drink, and card games are starting to become a contact sport. You look around the room and everyone’s feeling the excitement, the sexual tension.

And while you’re pretty excited to cross a boundary here, you’re terrified. Are you suddenly a bad person? Are you taking advantage of your friends? Are they taking advantage of you? Is it cheating to be even having those thoughts? Are you asking way too many questions for the amount of alcohol you’ve consumed?

Is It CHEATING to Have Sex with Someone Other Than Your Spouse, Partner, Lover?

That certainly depends on how you define cheating. It’s kind of hard for you two to be cheating on each other while you’re BOTH enjoying something together, isn’t it?

Cheating is a breaking of the sacred trust in your relationship. When you’re both enjoying a fun, new adventure, it’s not possible to “cheat” on each other.

But BEWARE. While it’s not technically cheating, there are a few things that could go very wrong if you’re not careful.

You MUST have excellent and very open communication, and a great, solid relationship, or this will tear your relationship apart. Swinging, or the broader concept of an “open relationship” is definitely not a crutch to drag out a failing relationship. It can only work for a couple whose relationship is steady and strong, and can withstand the emotional torrent that can be unleashed when you bring new people into your intimate relationship.

Are You Dabbling With The Idea Of Swinging?

Chick In Heels — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 01:00:51 +0000

So, maybe it’s always been a part of your fantasy world. The thought of being in a room, sharing your partner with someone else, having a new person explore your body at the same time – no strings attached – just some good kinky fun right?

And now information about swinging is readily available to the average individual. The internet has made things a lot easier and swinging is a topic that most people are, at least, aware of.

The Topic Of Swinging

If you have a similarly twisted sense of humour you’ll understand how the topic of swinging can get the giggles going in a group of friends. Eyebrows raise, inquisitive smiles perhaps, a lot of chuckles I’m sure – but underneath it all, I’d be willing to bet most, if not all involved let the thought of going through with swinging cross their minds. Is it a fleeting thought that causes a laugh or instinctual disregard? If so, then you know swinging isn’t in your scope of possibilities.

Do you find that thought lingers with you, maybe just while fantasizing…maybe more? Where do you go from there? Well – first off, if you feel this is something you want to cross over into your real world you need to be open, safe and extremely secure with your partner. Many couples wouldn’t even consider sharing their true fantasies with one another for fear of rejection.

If your fantasies are well known to one another this step won’t be as much of a shocker.

The Real Possibility Of Swinging

The next consideration would be who you would want to swing with? Would your comfort zone be to swing with people you already know on some level? Or would you prefer to swing with people who might not otherwise be a part of the other aspects of your life. People you want to see again or people who would only meet one time? People who have experience with swinging or newbies like you? So many things to think through if you are going down this road.

If you make the decision to move forward into the world of swinging some other considerations may be to what extent do you want to participate? Do you want to have sex only with your partner but in the same room as another couple? Would you switch partners up? Would there be limitations to what you would or would not do with another? Ground rules seem to be key in a situation as sticky as this.

It seems that this would be a part of the introduction into the consideration of the swinging phenomenon. I cannot speak beyond this stage but recently a few jokes with friends created cause for consideration.. a little excitement, even if only for a fleeting moment.. and even if it verified for me, that the world of swinging was most enticing in my fantasy world. I do see, however that what is easy and free in the world of fantasy requires a whole lot more thought if you cross over into reality. As open minded as I am I believe it takes a lot of pieces of the puzzle to fit together to have swinging be a positive experience for everyone involved.

His ‘N Hers Tantric Massage

Maya Silverman — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 13:02:51 +0000

Tantric sex refers to ‘Sacred Sex’ and can be a very powerful way to connect to your lover. In tantric sex, the terms “‘Yoni” and “Lingam” to refer to our nether regions.

“Yoni,” or Vagina, means “Sacred Place” and is said to be the source of Divine Female Sexual Power; “Lingham” or “Vajra” refers to the Penis and this term means “Wand of Light” and is said to represent Divine Male Sexual Energy and Consciousness.

The terms used in tantric sex are a far cry from the Western approach to using some not-so-pleasant terms to describe our nether regions. Partners are revered as a ‘Beloved’ and are to be valued, respected, nurtured and cared for.

Setting the Scene For Pleasure

Set the scene for your Tantric Night of Pleasure by taking the time to prepare a deliciously sensual environment. Put some thought into creating a warm, relaxing, and seductive space within which to begin your Tantric Yoni and Lingham massage, or His ‘N Hers Tantric Massage.

Your space should have:

A great location – make sure your space is warm and inviting

Soothing sounds — put on some relaxing and soothing music for a calm environment

Beautiful sights – as the Japanese saying goes, “The First Bite is With the Eyes.” Create a visually stunning atmosphere by decorating your space with colorful flowers or rose petals. You can also get together some cushions and place some meaningful or symbolic objects around the bed to represent a calm, safe and loving space.

Proper dress — dress yourself up and make an effort to look good for your partner. Make sure your personal hygiene is up to par, including brushing your teeth and smelling appealing. Make it sensual by taking a shower or bath together and remember that poor hygeine is one of the biggest turn offs in the bedroom.

Try to set some time aside for your Tantric Pleasure Experience as a way to honor your lover, develop skills, relax and focus the mind and spirit.

Massage your lover’s entire body for at least 30 minutes before starting your Intimate Tantric massage. By slowly charging up and circulating your sexual energy, the Yoni and Lingham will be more sensitive to your touch.

Massaging the Yoni

If you’re massaging your lover’s Yoni, start by resting one hand over the area and the other over her heart. Visualize energy from your heart flowing through your hands into her heart and Yoni.

This is a great way to balance emotions and to create a deeper connection between lovers. Lightly pour some warmed cold pressed, organic vegetable oils (sesame, almond, olive) over your hands and let the oil drip slowly over the Yoni and Clitoris.

Always start from the outside in. Start by teasing and caressing her outer lips, pubic mound, proceeding to the inner lips, and massage the opening of the vagina very gently. After at least 15-20 minutes of playful teasing, gently take the clitoris between your fingers and massage slowly (but not directly) around the sides and base.

Take Your Time

MMF Threesome Dilemma… Why Can’t My Threesome Have One Woman and Two Men? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:15:03 +0000

It’s widely known in society that a man enjoys watching two or more women have sex with each other. A huge fantasy among men is to have a threesome with their partner – two women with him right smack in the middle of them.

Less mentioned, however, is the threesome where there is one woman and two men. What causes a two man-one woman threesome to be much more taboo?

So what’s wrong with an MMF Threesome – one girl and two guys?

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The Human Condition

It’s natural for humans to be curious about sex in a variety of different forms. Whether it’s oral sex, anal sex or even sex with someone of the same gender, these are all things that pique the curiosity and interest of a human being.

Men, however, are socially raised to believe that it is not acceptable to be submissive in any way. They’re taught to be macho.

Also socially ingrained into men and all people actually, is that when two people come together, one must be submissive and the other dominant.

This is something that is seen with all mammals and it’s only natural for humans. Understanding why two men being together sexually is considered more taboo than two women being together sexually takes an understanding of the human condition.

If men are taught to never be submissive and when two people are together, one of them must be submissive, if two men are together one of them must become submissive.

Socially, this is unacceptable, yet this is something that is not projected on women. It seems perfectly natural and even erotic for two women to be together sexually and fuels a number of male fantasies.

Exploring Homosexuality

Every person has at least one fleeting thought about sex with someone of the same gender. It’s totally normal! However, because of the mindset that society has placed on people, men having even a fleeting homosexual thought is considered not normal.

Were a man to express this to someone, they would automatically assume that he is gay as opposed to assuming that he is human. Watching two women be together sexually allows a man to explore two people of the same gender being together sexually without being criticized in any way.

Perks of Same Sex Partners

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Should I Act On My Threesome Fantasy? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:15:15 +0000

If you’re interested in having a threesome with your friends, you might be a little intimidated about how to approach the situation. Even if you or your friends have hinted at it or joked about it before, it can seem a little awkward bringing up the topic seriously.

How can you approach that subject with your friends without risking anything?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m 34 years old and have recently won a 3 yr battle with cancer. I have a new lease on life and want to live it to the fullest. I have an absolute best guy friend, “Rick”, who is dating my best friend “Abbie”. I have been thinking a lot lately about having a threesome with “Rick” and “Abbie”. I’m just not sure how to broach the subject with either of them. “Rick” and I have joked about it a few times before but I always brushed it aside… Now, how should I go about approaching the subject for real? I love them both, and I don’t want anyone hurt at all.

–Amanda, Kentucky

Click here to view the embedded video.

Your Friends Are Your Friends

First off, if your friends are really your friends, especially if they’ve joked about it before, they’re not going to hang you just for suggesting a threesome for real. You’re all adults and you can talk about the topic as adults.

Simply bring it up, possibly over a glass of wine or after a nice meal, and discuss the situation. Let them know that you’ve been running the idea through your head and it might something you want to try.

Be honest with them. In turn, you’ll find they’ll be honest with you. They might say it was something they were only joking about and they’re not comfortable trying that with you at this point.

That’s okay! Then again, they might say it’s something they’re open to experiencing. You won’t know until you talk to them about it.

When The Mood Is Right

Okay, so you don’t want to approach the topic of having a threesome with your friends over a quick breakfast before work, or when the kids are acting up. If you wait until the mood is right, however, you’ll most likely get the more honest response.

For example, your friends might really be into the idea, but if they’re rushed or otherwise occupied, they’re probably going to brush the idea off.

Approach your friends alone when everyone is at ease and laughing with each other. You’ll get a much better response that way!

Talking About The Details

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Swinger Disaster – He Couldn’t Get It Up! Is All Lost? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:05:25 +0000

Swinging can be a fun and enjoyable way to expand your sexual relationship with your partner and spice up things in the bedroom.

Inexperienced swingers, however, may find that the first few times are a little nerve wracking, especially if it involves a group of people.

If you find yourself being nervous during a swinging session, you might need to back up a little bit until you get more comfortable.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I just experienced our first swinger encounter, I am a very lucky man in having a wife that is so open to this. She was great – I, however, was a little nervous – so nervous that I had a difficult time getting an erection (this has never happened before!). I don’t know if it was the fact that I was being watched by 15 people or what… Do you have any tips to help me over come this problem of not being able to step up to bat? Thank you

–Adam, CO

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Performance Anxiety

Some people get "performance anxiety." This might happen when you’re alone with your partner, but it’s more likely to happen if you’re swinging with a couple or having a more voyeuristic adventure with more people.

You may find that you can’t get an erection or if you’re a woman, you may feel more shy and self conscious than before. It can be embarrassing, especially if you’re unable to get or maintain an erection, to have performance anxiety while swinging. What can you do?

Back Up A Little Bit

Stop and think about what might have made you uncomfortable while swinging. How did you feel? Were you nervous? Were you shy or self conscious? Were you wearing an outfit that was uncomfortable or you didn’t feel sexy in? Were there a number of people watching you swing?

Dig deep to find the culprit of your performance anxiety. There is a cause. Once you find it, you can begin to solve the problem so it doesn’t happen again. For example, if your swinging session involved more people than just the other couple you were swinging with, you can try swinging again with just one other person or perhaps just another couple.

If you were wearing an uncomfortable or unflattering outfit that made you feel self conscious or out of place, you can try swinging again while wearing something you feel really dynamite in. Don’t let one bout of performance anxiety turn you off from swinging forever.

Feeling Comfortable

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Swinger Swap Gone Wrong! Can We Recover? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 19:58:04 +0000

You’ve made the jump into swinging. Congratulations! It takes a lot of courage to make the foray into swinging.

There’s a reason for that though. Swinging doesn’t always work the way we hope it to.

What do you do when swinging goes wrong? What happens if there’s a rift between you and your partner after swinging? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband got quite close to his client. They eventually became attracted to each other. All 4 of us became close socially. Eventually we began to talk about a swap. We went on a short holiday. Both of them were very close and comfy with each other. Her husband and I were not and the situation got very uncomfortable. Nothing happened between any of the couples. But our marriages have been affected. My husband is still close to her. And each day my emotions drive me crazy. We still go out as friends. But one day I’m ok with it, and another day I’m hurt that he puts her before me. I feel that her husband also goes thru what I’m going thru. It’s destroying me. What should I do?

– Samantha, Uganda

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Swinging Gone Wrong

Most of the time, when swinging goes wrong it’s a jealousy issue. This can happen before you actually have sex, during or after. Even if your partner is just spending time with another person while you’re spending time with someone else as well, it can lead to jealousy and hurt feelings. This can be especially difficult to deal with if your foray into swinging isn’t as successful as your partner’s. You may feel left out or forgotten about.

If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, relax. They’re all normal feelings. Swinging isn’t for everyone and it may have taken a step in that direction for you to realize that swinging isn’t for you. Don’t dismiss your feelings because you think you "shouldn’t" have them, or that you "brought them on yourself" because you agreed to the swinging in the first place.

You reserve the right to change your mind about swinging at any point in time, any place, anywhere. If swinging starts making you feel uncomfortable, even if it didn’t at first, it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and stop the swinging.

Going In Reverse

If you’ve had a not so good experience with swinging, you have every right to put a stop to it. That may prevent any hurt feelings in the future, but what about the hurt you’re harboring now? Is your relationship doomed to failure now that you’ve introduced swinging into your lives?

Not necessarily

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Do You Have What it Takes to Be Swingers? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:19:59 +0000

If you’re looking to spice up your sex life, you might be looking into swinging. Swinging with a third person or even another couple can bring a new aspect of fun and excitement into your sex life that you never thought possible.

Some couples aren’t ready for swinging. You have to be comfortable, confident and above all, open and honest with each other. Do you have what it takes to be swingers?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a huge dilemma. My wife and I are very sexual, and have discussed at length our interest in the swinging lifestyle. We are both dying to explore the beginning stages, but have a problem. Besides being totally inexperienced, we are not physically fit and although we are very fun and engaging and have a lot of social adventures, we feel too uncomfortable to approach others. We want to watch real people have sex in front of us, but not participate.

Is there an outlet for this with real people? I know it’s hypocritical, but we would like to see attractive people, and people we connect with emotionally, but we don’t feel we have what it takes to get others to want to share themselves with us. What should we do?

– Jay, NC

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Being Comfortable With Yourself

Swingers come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The swingers you see in pornography and on television shows aren’t the only swingers out there in real life. Swingers can be anyone, your frumpy next door neighbors or even your bald boss. You’re going to find a great mix of people from all walks of life when you start exploring swinging.

You may feel that you’re not attractive enough to swing, or that no other couple is going to be interested in what you have to offer. That’s not true! It takes time and effort to find another person or couple that you’re compatible with, but that doesn’t mean you never will.

The first step to swinging is getting comfortable with yourself. Now that you understand that swingers don’t all look like television actors and actresses, you can begin to become confident enough with yourself that you aren’t worried about what you look like or what other people look like.

You can always change your physical appearance. You can lose weight, tone up, even dye your hair. Why do that, though? If you’re not confident with you, the swinging life is going to fizzle fast. Learn to accept yourself for who you are and what you look like, and realize that you’re attractive to your partner and you’re going to be attractive to others as well.

Getting Your Feet Wet

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Threesomes As An Alternative Approach to Marriage Therapy? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 13:14:02 +0000

Many times, after about six or seven years of a relationship or marriage, the sex life tends to dwindle.

As time goes on, the sex life continues to dwindle and sex with your partner becomes routine.

Your interest in sex with your partner may lessen, but this doesn’t mean that you love your partner less or your relationship is doomed. It just means your relationship has progressed naturally!

Can having a threesome bring the spice back into your partnership?

You had mentioned the other day that some therapists actually recommend bringing

a third person into the bedroom to spice up your sex life. Please explain…

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Threesomes aren’t for everyone.

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Can Swinger Relationships REALLY Work? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:44:59 +0000

Nowadays, you hear so much about open relationships and swinging, where partners will team up with other couples (or even go their separate ways) to have new and fun sexual experiences with other people.

You also sometimes hear how this is essentially a recipe for disaster, but you’ve thought about it and it sounds like something you might want to try. Can an open relationship or swinging relationship ever actually work?

Can swinger and open relationships really work or are they just a recipe for disaster?

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Yes, for strong couples.

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So You Want To Be Swingers? Here’s How to Get Started

Greg & Sheryl — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:50:27 +0000

As experienced swingers, the most common question we receive from those looking to get into the lifestyle is, “How do we start?”

Where to look

Thanks to the internet, it is easier to become a swinger than ever before. As recently as the mid-1990’s, the most common way was by purchasing a contact magazine, usually at a seedy adult bookstore, and then mailing letters to the people who advertised therein.

Swing clubs have existed since the 1970’s, but the only way you could find out about them was by word of mouth or through advertisements in underground publications. Today, the road to becoming a swinger starts with the click of a mouse.

Whether you are looking for a classy swing club, a private house party, or a couple in your city, all of these things can be found on the internet. For those looking to dive right in, clubs and parties are the best way to meet a number of potential playmates on any given night.

For those who prefer a slower, more relaxed approach, your best bet is to place on ad on a swinger’s contact website such as our favorite, Adult Friend Finder. However, meeting people through on online ad requires a great amount of patience.

Swing clubs

Regarding swing clubs, if you live in a large city, you might have a choice between an on-premise club and an off-premise club. An on-premise club is where the sex actually takes place at the facility, whereas sex does not take place at an off-premise club. Off-premises clubs typically hold social events at hotel ballrooms, but those who want to play can usually rent a discounted guest room at that hotel. We usually recommend off-premise clubs to newbies who are worried about being pressured to have sex before they’re ready.

Clubs in your area can be found by utilizing your favorite search engine with the key words “swing clubs” along with the name of your home state or the nearest major city. That should lead you to a list a clubs with links to their websites. Check out those sites and see which one might be write for you. If you have any questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to call or email the club for additional information.

Private swing parties

Private swing parties are a little more difficult to find, because so many of them advertise through word-of mouth. For the most part, you won’t hear about these parties until you’ve worked you way into certain social circles. However, some of these parties are advertised online, often through Craigslist or social networking sites such as Yahoo! Groups. Also, some swingers contact websites have a listing of local parties in your area.

Types of swing parties

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New Swinger Concern – What If We Can’t Agree? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:50:25 +0000

If you’re new to the swinging game, picking a partner that satisfies you and your husband or wife can seem kind of intimidating.

You’re not alone! You’re right to be a little nervous about picking a swinging partner, especially if it’s your first time.

You need to pick a swinging partner that you are both comfortable with and attracted to, or trouble can brew. If you and your partner can’t agree on who to swing with, should you compromise?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I want to get into swinging. We’ve been talking about it for a little over 2 years now. She was the one who approached me with the idea. We have joined a swing site but the problem is that my wife doesn’t like my taste in woman.

I’m not into super thin women I like a woman with a little belly but not huge. Let me say this before judging me on this not that you would. My wife is not small but not huge either, I love her dearly, but she always wants me to pick a woman that is larger then her or the same size. But when she picks the man she wants I never question her on it. Its just sex I’m not looking to replace her.

Am I wrong for wanting a woman that I’m more physically attracted with?

- Aaron, Ohio

Click here to view the embedded video.

Her fears.

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