Ask Dan and Jennifer » Dating Tips & Advice

How To Smell A Rat In The Dating Game – Or Find Out If YOU Are One! (Quiz)

Maryanne Comaroto — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 05:08:11 +0000

People ask me all the time how to have a great relationship, how to date successfully, or meet someone and start a healthy dating pattern. I usually ask them the same two questions: What do you want, and what are you willing to do about it? Then I direct them to my Relationship Aptitude Test, or RAT, which helps you smell a rat—or find out if you are one. It’s multiple choice. Take your time.

When is it okay to date someone who is already in a relationship?

1. Human beings are not monogamous creatures

2. As long as they don’t really want to be with that person

3. I’d rather wait until they are available

How long should you wait before you get sexually intimate with someone?

1. It depends on how well I know the person

2. If it feels good, do it

3. Two or three dates, unless it’s love at first sight

Does it matter how someone’s relationships have ended in the past?

1. Some people just bring out the worst in each other

2. That was then and this is now

3. I am attracted to people who keep their side of the street clean

Does God matter in a relationship?

1.Not believing in God doesn’t make you a bad person

2.I think it’s key to a relationship to be spiritually compatible

3.To each his own

When you should bring up marriage or commitment?

1. Be upfront about what you want; you both deserve that

2. You should just go with the flow

3. Not until you’re sure it won’t scare them away

At what point do you talk about kids or birth control?

1. Love me, love my kids; and know that whatever I do, I am responsible for

2. If you have ‘em, wait to bring them up; if you don’t, wait until they mention it

3. Have a condom and don’t say anything you’ll regret later

When and how do you talk about STDs?

1. I would assume someone would tell me if they were sick or had some disease

2. ASAP and gracefully

3. You can tell when people are clean and healthy—and always bring a condom

Does it matter if someone you are with has been incarcerated?

1. Everyone deserves a second chance

2. As long as it wasn’t murder

3. Depends on what for

Does everyone need a purpose in life?

1. I just want them to be happy

2. Absolutely—or in sincere pursuit

3. As long as it isn’t me

Do you believe in Happily Ever After?

1. I don’t need to anymore

2. I believe in the pre-nuptial agreements

3. Sure, who doesn’t want that?

Tally up your points with the key below and mail your score to info-at-maryannelive.com, and we’ll send you the results. Find out if you need an X-termination, need to lay off the cheese, or if you are a cheese connoisseur!

Key:

Q 1: 1) 2 points, 2) 1 point, 3) 3 points

Q 2: 1). 3 points, 2) 2 points, 3) 1 point

Q 3: 1) 1 point, 2) 2 points, 3) 3 points

Q 4: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points

Q 5: 1) 3 points, 2) 2 points, 3) 1 point

Q 6: 1) 3 points, 2) 1 point, 3) 2 points

Q 7: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points

Q 8: 1) 1 point, 2) 2 points, 3) 3 points

Q 9: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points

Q 10: 1) 3 points, 2) 2 points, 1) 1 point

Is The ‘Man Code’ Stupid? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:00:55 +0000

Most women will agree – men often have strange ways of doing things. Sometimes, it seems like they even have an unspoken camraderie, or “code” of ethics between them, even between two men that have never met before. Not surprisingly, men do have sort of an unspoken “man code” that they go by that dictates many of their actions in society. But what is the “man code” really, and is it necessary?

Have you ever heard of the unspoken “man code”? You know it’s the rules that say you can’t date the ex girlfriend of your friend or that you have to keep a one urinal space in the men’s room…. If you have heard of the man code – do you thinks it’s still valid? Check out our YouTube page and tell us what YOU think about the “man code” and if you know a man who does or doesn’t follow the “code!”

Click here to view the embedded video.

What Is The “Man Code?”

The “Man Code” is generally a list of behaviors – an unspoken list of behaviors, really – that dictate how a man acts in society or in public. It’s kind of like “manners,” but on steroids. Everyone knows that polite table manners dictate that you don’t put your elbows on the table while you’re eating, however, that doesn’t mean that everyone abides by that. Especially at really excellent BBQ restaurants. The “Man Code” is similar – men in general understand that there are certain things you should or should do, can or can’t do, and many of them choose to abide by this unspoken “code.”

What Does The “Man Code” Say?

Some of the items on the “Man Code” list are sensible, like taking the urinal at least one urinal away from a fellow man who is using the urinals, or using the farthest right or farthest left (instead of the center) urinal if there is no other men using the urinals so that if a fellow man should come in and use the urinals, he has the option to give you at least one urinal’s worth of space. Other items on the “Man Code” list seem silly, like never dating a man’s sister if you’ve known him for 24 hours or longer (unless you marry her), or only having to wait 5 minutes for a man. If a girl is involved, however, you add 10 minutes of wait time for every point on the hotness scale she is. If she’s a 10, you’re going to be waiting awhile.

Is The “Man Code” Stupid?

If some men want to follow their own code of ethics, that’s up to them. But enforcing the “Man Code” among other men can be pointless. In each country, each region, each city, and even each neighborhood, there are different behaviors that are expected, suggested, or even shunned. For example, what is shunned in a quiet, suburban neighborhood may be acceptable in a downtown suburb of a large city, or vice versa. Social and cultural rules aren’t uniform – they change from location to location, culture to culture and even person to person. Perhaps a better and more culturally evolved “Code” would be the “Be A Decent Human Being Code.”

Dating During A Recession

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 02:00:30 +0000

It turns out economic hardship spawns more than “staycations” and at-home cocktail parties. It also has caused a boost in first dates. It seems that this type of uncertainty makes many of us desire companionship and support more than ever.

Searching For Healthy Relationships

According to MSNBC, some singles are now hunting for dates with the same fervor others are showing hunting for jobs. On matchmaking Web site eHarmony.com, membership is up 20 percent despite monthly fees of up to $60, and activity has soared 50 percent since September at OkCupid.com. If money talks, we’re saying that we are looking to quell the loneliness that’s all too common when chasing careers, financial security, our ideal life. When those things are called into question, we go back to seeking good ol’ fashioned relationships.

This should come as no surprise, as most of us have this inherent desire, but it can be played out in a negative way if we’re not careful through what I call the bio-chemical craving for connection. I discuss this more in my book, Make up Don’t Breakup – which encourages a healthy view of money both within our selves and with our partners. This craving starts when stress from childhood causes thrill-seeking behavior. This behavior can be in the form of financial or sexual conquests and infidelities. You’re looking for ways to self-medicate and to help calm stress levels down. Of course, this craving can be harnessed for good as well as evil! Instead of allowing the desire for companionship and intimacy take you to thrill-seeking behavior that results in a “high” and then a crash, turn the desire into a search for healthy relationships.

A Genuine Relationship

This can come through online matchmaking, saying “hi” to that person we always see in a coffee shop or through a simple friendship. But you don’t need me to tell you how to meet people! The point is, as the MSNBC article states, it’s not just the frequency of our dates that’s changing — it’s also the people we’re choosing to spend time with.

“They’re looking for something that’s genuine in a world that isn’t very secure,” said Bathsheba Birman, co-founder of the Chicago dating event Nerds at Heart. “ith headlines full of why you can’t trust established institutions that you thought you could … people are re-examining their own values.”

And seeking a steady relationship can actually result in SAVING money! The CEO at OKCupik figures a man can spend $100 buying drinks at a bar trying to pick up a stranger and leave with little more than a cold shoulder. But, when he’s in a relationship, a Saturday evening can be as simple as Thai noodle takeout and a movie rental.

So here’s to healthy relationships and sustainable finances!

Do You See Yourself Completely?

Greg Halpen — Fri, 01 May 2009 18:11:17 +0000

There comes a time in one’s life when deep introspection needs to happen; especially when it comes to evolving from being a risky dater to being a smart dater. I know, there are many reasons why you’re not dating smart or not dating at all. You’re either working hard to raise a kid and need to pay the mortgage, you’re too shy to get out there and meet new people- because you think you are not good enough or you just don’t think it’ll ever happen – meeting the man of your dreams!

One Clients’ Journey

I have to say, my clients are pretty darn special and the most amazing people I have had the honor of coaching. I’ve been working with a particular client for a little over 5 months now and we’re at the point where our interactions just flow back and forth, like the ebb and flow of the tide. The co-creative relationship is so precious.

Why this particular client?

In the middle of our last session, he arrived at the awareness that his ideal partner is essentially himself and our work together has been about him building a meaningful relationship with the love of his life; again himself. This was a profound awakening for him and not to mention, something really cool for me to witness. Now, I know many gay men stomp their foot down, egos is hand, claiming they do not want a carbon copy of themselves. What I mean is, how you see yourself in the world and how you are being in the world, is how you will know when Mr. Wonderful is right in front of you. The important qualities you see in yourself are the one you’ll recognize in him.

His current homework assignment was to report to me each night via email how he sees himself completely during his day. This is his first email: “I see myself completely and realize that I don’t always ask for what I need, I say I’m ok when really deep down I’m not. I see myself completely when I realize that being vulnerable, telling someone exactly what I need, is hard for me to do.”

You see, he is beginning to recognize when he isn’t being true to himself. Sometimes our needs slip away, but to recognize and acknowledge it, is a very powerful thing. Just like when it comes to your own love life. Are you tending to your own dating needs? Are you seeking out guys who meet your requirements and values? If you’re not, chances are you’re needs need tending to. Are you pretty lost when it comes to knowing what your requirements are for a relationships? Is it hard to lead from your core values?

Your Relationship Success Assignment

For the next five days, take time at the end of your day to sit down and reflect where you see yourself completely. Where were you being true to yourself? Where were you inviting presence into a certain situation? As soon as you can get clear on how you see yourself, you will get clearer on who you are at the core, what the ideal partner and relationship looks like and you’ll soon start uncovering the road that will get you there.

YOU are a truly unique person with unique needs AND the power to make it happen, because only YOU can make it happen!

Can Dating Make You Sick?

Greg Halpen — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:59:02 +0000

I’ve been talking to a lot of single gay men around the world about dating and what dating means to them; I noticed one common element when it comes to their derailed love lives. Here’s what they’re saying: I hate dating or I just want to bypass all that dating stuff and get to the gold. For me personally, I hate to date. I hate having to tell someone it’s not a match. I always make the wrong choices.

Can You Get Smart About Dating?

It’s quite obvious that dating turns their stomach, but yet again they take the fast track approach and find themselves in another uncomfortable dating/relationship situation. Well, my gut reaction is telling me all of this drama can be avoided if one simply gets smart about dating. The bottom line? If you take your time, do the groundwork and check in with that part of you that wants to have everything right away, I guarantee you will avoid the heartache and the truth of the situation with reveal itself.

Now, Greg, I urge you to really pay attention here, as well as anyone else who needs a bit of dating advice. You need to understand, without FIRST establishing a foundation of healthy dating; you’ll be doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over.

Ok, I know you’re a sweet, caring, non-reactive man with so much to offer a relationship. You’re doing exceptionally well in your career or business, but you made the choice to give your personal life the back seat. You probably even feel like all the pieces in your life are finally in place, except for the “relationship” part.

What are you willing to do to ensure that your love life takes the front seat? Are you finally ready to acknowledge that part of you who deep down inside desires a loving, meaningful relationship? After all, you do have so much to offer, right? To get you started, I’ve compiled a list of 7 reasons why I think dating is hard for you and how you can turn it around.

Why Dating Sucks And How To Make It Shine

1. You don’t do the ground work. After three, four, and even five dates, you’ve already made the decision that he’s the right guy for you. This is your life we’re talking about. Dating is about being smart, gathering information, exploring each others’ world and defining what the relationship means to you.

2. You spend way too much time on the first, second and even third date. As the old saying goes, “Less is best.” Keep the meeting short and sweet. Make that choice to spend at least 45 minutes on the first date. Get a feel for him, be observant and present. Remember, this is the first impression he’ll get of you.

3. You approach dating with a lot of desperation. Gosh, we all want to love and be loved, but you haven’t grasped the true value in being a successful single yet. You haven’t taken care of the important areas of your life; emotional, financial, spiritual and supportive, so you can date with confidence and freedom. Including these three VITAL areas; core values, relationship requirements and skills, that need exploring and optimizing.

4. You don’t know how to be authentic. I know in business and career you are at the TOP of your game, but for some strange reason when it comes to matters of the heart, you become paralyzed. Being social is something that might be a challenge for you. You might even believe that if you were to be the real you, you might scare him off. Is that really true and how do you know that to be true? Remember, there is something about being vulnerable with another person that makes makes you so beautiful.

5. You can’t wait to have sex. The connection is right and the sexual attraction is on high. You think if you connect sexually, that means you are right for each other in terms of a committed relationship. Well, the fact is, sex and sexual attraction is only a small part of the relationship equation. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgment.

6. Your standards are too high. Relax on this one. Someone recently told me that he’s been single for 10 years and refuses to date due to not being able to meet someone who can meet up to his high standards. Those are his words exactly. Sounds fishy to me. It’s perfectly fine to have standards, in fact, I recommend them – BUT are they realistic and are they based on your core values?

7. You forget to have fun. This one really sums it up. Have fun, keep it simple and smile.

Create Your Love Life By Design – NOT Default!

Greg, it’s time to start creating your love life by design and NOT by default, and everyone who thinks dating might be making them sick can do it to! Just like the saying goes, If you build it they will come. If you do the ground work, build a solid foundation and sound structure by knowing who you are, what you want in an ideal partner and relationship and how to get there, not only will you sense amazing spaciousness around everything that happens in your life, relationship opportunities will start to surface.

How Not To Screw Up Your First Date! (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 16:27:59 +0000

First dates are lots of fun, but they can also be pretty nerve wracking. If you’re on a first date with someone you really like and want to impress, it’s hard to know exactly what to do to bag yourself that second date. Here are a few pointers to make sure you set yourself up for first date success.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a lot of trouble with first dates – I always seem to ruin them! How can stop screwing up my first dates and start having second and third dates?

–Steven, Alaska

Click here to view the embedded video.

1. Nix The Ex Factor

Don’t talk about your ex. At all! Don’t let your first date think you’re still hung up on your ex or you’re bitter towards the opposite sex in general. It will totally turn your first date off and make them want to find an exit fast!

2. Don’t Talk About Finances

Make finances one of the taboo topics, right along with religion and politics. Your date doesn’t want to hear about your financial woes and envision having to use his life savings to dig you out of debt and you don’t want to risk bragging about your financial success before you know that your date happens to be a starving artist.

3. Don’t Dress Too Provocatively

If you’re looking to hop into bed and make this date a mere booty call, feel free to dress as provocatively as you want. If you’re looking to start a relationship, definitely turn down the heat on your first date outfit. They’ll spend less time ogling you and more time getting to know you.

4. Let Information Out, Keep Baggage In

If you have kids, you don’t want to keep it from your first date. They definitely need to know the basics when it comes to sharing information. If you have a lot of baggage though, especially family baggage, it’s best to leave all baggage checked at the gate before your first date.

5. Let Your Date Talk About Them

It might sound cliché, but listen to your date talk- it’s the best way to guarantee a second date! Men do enjoy talking about themselves, and if you let them at it, they’ll want another date to learn more about you.

6. Be Genuine and Caring

The best thing you can do on a first date is to come off genuine and caring. It’s not hard -just be genuine and caring! Let your date know that you’re having a good time and you enjoy being with them, and let them see that you’re a down to earth and caring person. Don’t dwell on negative topics, situations or issues on a first date and try to focus on the positive. Wear your best accessory – your smile – and watch your first date become the start of lots of fun and exciting opportunities!

7. Don’t Have Sex On The First Date!

As tempting as it may be, having sex on the first date is the surest way to turn a potential relationship into a booty call. If you put out on the first date, it’s likely that your date won’t call you back – well, unless it’s for more “first date” fun. Keep it in your pants and wait until whatever date feels more comfortable to you to hop in bed – whether it’s the third or the thirteenth.

Even though first dates can be rough, they can also be a lot of fun if you’re open to it. Try to calm those first date jitters and don’t try to hard to impress. Just focus on being yourself and enjoying yourself, letting your good personality shine through. Listen to your date and avoid negative topics and you’ve got a great start to a great first date.

Build Self Confidence And Get The Girl

Alan B. Densky, CH — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 01:17:38 +0000

Have you ever met someone that you were just dying to ask out? You thought this person was absolutely perfect in every way. When this person smiled at you, your heart just soared.

But you were scared to death to ask him or her for a date, and so you never did. Do you still wonder at times how your life might have been different if you had only had the courage to ask?

Are You In a Negative Dating Pattern?

If you’re starting to fall into a pattern of dating girls (or guys) who won’t reject you, just because they won’t reject you, and not because you like them, you’re cheating yourself and them as well. You’re kidding yourself if that person doesn’t know whether you are dating him/her because of a mutual attraction, or because you just want a date. This isn’t fair to you or them.

Aren’t you tired of feeling that way? Wouldn’t you like to go out with someone you really like and just have a good time without being afraid of messing it up?

People who are ready to improve their self-confidence levels can have this success without spending their entire lives wishing they had asked Mr. or Miss Right for a date. They become confident, and they know that they have what it takes to succeed in the dating world. Would you like to know what it takes to succeed?

Believe in Yourself

Self-confidence is being able to believe in yourself and your individual strengths and talents. This is part of positive self-image, and is important for success. If you don’t understand how to gain self-confidence, you won’t be successful in your relationships, or your life in general. This problem will prevent you from taking control of past problems and building your future.

Self-confident people have faith in themselves and can accomplish their goals. They focus on achievement, know how to learn from past mistakes, and can use those mistakes to their advantage. They know that a weakness doesn’t make them a failure. Instead, they understand how to find the cause of their problems and avoid allowing themselves to fall into the same traps over and over.

Causes of Lack of Confidence

Many things cause a lack of self-confidence. Often, people become paralyzed by fear, hypnotizing themselves into a pattern of failures and fear of failures that lead to a lack of self-confidence. This hypnotic pattern may be the result of a rejection or feared rejection in a dating relationship.

People try all kinds of methods to boost self-confidence. They pay professional counselors huge hourly fees to sit and tell them how to become more self-confident. Some counselors use behavioral therapy to help people boost self-confidence.

They teach their clients to boost self-confidence by setting goals. For example, they may learn how to shake hands firmly with another person.

Why It Doesn’t Always Work….

13 Deadly Mistakes to Avoid on a Date

Alex Strandberg — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:58:21 +0000

Have you ever been excited about a date only to end up spending the night alone and frustrated? Staying up half the night asking yourself ‘What went wrong?’

I know I have many times. After each date ended badly I walked away feeling powerless over my dating life. It felt like there was something that I wasn’t getting that most men did.

I believe if guys avoid these 13 deadly mistakes like it was the plague, their chances of getting a second date would dramatically improve. I choose the unlucky number thirteen because when it comes to dating making these mistakes will cause you to be very unlucky.

1. Not Breathing

First dates can be nerve wrecking. The pressure can be so high that you feel like you have swallowed a whole jar of butterflies. Sweaty palms and nervous ticks can be greatly reduced by sitting back and breathing.

If you ever find anxiety building up inside of yourself focus on taking long deep breaths. This will allow you to calm yourself down and get back to enjoying the date.

2. Being Too Far Away From Your Date

How can you go in for a kiss if she is five feet away? You can’t, so get a little closer to her. Guys tend to end up in the friend zone far too often because they aren’t getting close enough to the girl. Friends keep their distance while lovers come in a little too close for comfort.

Don’t start out the night two inches away from her face because it will creep her out. Work your way from a distance and get closer and closer as the night goes on.

3. Wanting Her to Like You

Nothing spells neediness like wanting her approval. It is the number one attraction killer. If you are desperate for her to like you don’t be surprised when she gets a call from a friend telling her that a family member has been in an emergence and she needs to go to the hospital right away.

Instead of trying to get her to like you ask yourself if you like her. When you qualify a woman, your insecurities and fears are greatly reduced. You are now in a position of choice instead getting her to approve of you.

4. Saying Sorry Too Many Times

Saying sorry too often is a very unhealthy habit. You say sorry and she thinks, “Oh God not another nice guy.” Accidents happen and are automatically forgiven, that’s why they are accidents. There is no need to say sorry every time you accidentally bump into her or make a minor mistake.

If you do something horrible like telling her that her ass is fat or spilling a drink in her new purse, then it requires a sincere apology. Anything beyond psychological or physical damage doesn’t warrant an apology.

5. Taking Her Out to Dinner….

How Can I Turn A Friendship Into Something More?

Alex Strandberg — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 19:42:30 +0000

So you tell me there is a girl that you have been fantasizing over for years and are madly in love with. I’m sure she is unlike any other woman that you have ever met. She’s smart, beautiful, funny and there is such a great connection between you and her.

The only problem is, you’re just a friend, and that’s it. You wonder “Can I actually turn it into something more?”

What If There’s No Attraction?

The answer to that will always be the same…you can’t. If there isn’t any real attraction between you and the girl from the get go, there is NOTHING you can do about it. No amount of lines or telling her how you feel will get her to change her mind about you.

The movie industry screws with a lot of guys minds by making them believe that you can turn a friendship into something sexual or romantic. What works in the movies doesn’t work in real life.

Playing Peter Gabriel outside of her window won’t make her fall head over heels for you. No, she won’t read your romantic love letter that you have worked on for years and want to jump into bed with you. Sadly many men have to learn this lesson the hard way.

Even worse than the movie industries portrayal of this unfortunate situation is the Internet. I did a quick Google search on ‘how to turn a friend into a lover’ and got over 15 million responses.

I clicked on a couple of the results to see what kind of false hope they were giving people. Not one of these sites were able to tell the truth about this predicament. They all stated that is was very possible to turn a friendship around. One site even offered a spell that you can use to enchant the woman.

When you first approach or meet a woman she puts you into one of two categories…”yes” or “no”. Yes, she is attracted to you or no she has no attraction for you. If you get lumped into the “no” category there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You are forever branded as a “no”.

Why Friendships Turn Into Relationships

With that said there are a bunch of claims of friendships turning into relationships out there. These claims are a little misleading. What happens here is one of two things:

The woman decided to settle for a guy she wasn’t attracted to or…
There was attraction from the beginning but for whatever reason it never escalated any further

Why Women Settle….

How Can I Tell If My Date Really Likes Me? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 12:42:25 +0000

Navigating the dating world can be difficult for both men and women. It’s hard to tell what your date’s motivations are and if they really like you or not.

Both men and women can also send mixed messages too, making it even harder for you to figure out what is going on. How can you tell if your date really likes you?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How can I tell if she’s really into me?

–Jeff, North Carolina

Wait! Give this Video 5 Stars and Subscribe Today so you don’t miss a single video.

Dating vs. Friends

The first way to tell if your date really likes you is to look at the dating pattern. Are you going on dates with this person alone or are you going on dates with other friends as friends? If you’re going on dates with them alone, do you continue to go out on dates or call each other?

If the answer is that you are dating this person, as in going on dates alone with them and spending time with them, chances are they really do like you. Neither men nor women will continue to date someone and continue to spend time with someone if they’re not at least a little interested.

If you’re dating someone, you can assume they like you enough to give you more chances, and they probably like you a lot!

If you and your date are going out with other people, such as your friends, it can be a little more difficult to figure out if they like you or not.

Body Language

Another way to tell if your date really likes you is to pay attention to their body language. Do they move close to you when they talk to you? Do they touch your arm or your leg as they’re having a discussion with you? If your date seems really interested in you and really does like you, you’ll be able to tell by watching their body language.

Talk To Them

…

The Easy Way To Get A Girlfriend

Alex Shalman — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 13:07:51 +0000

On many occasions my guy friends would come to me for advice and ask me how they could get a girlfriend. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been dating since 6th grade, or possibility because they’ve never seen me without a girlfriend.

When it comes to dating, the number one thing to do is organize our priorities. It follows that the number one question to ask ourselves is, “why do I want to be in a relationship.”

Why Do YOU Want to Be in a Relationship?

The answer to this question will be very unique and personal to you. It could be for fun, for sex, for security, for comfort or a large variety of other reasons. Whatever your reason is, it’s important for you to have a clear distinction of what you’re looking for.

My current style of dating is “dating for marriage.” This means that I’m looking for someone that I think will make an awesome wife, will fulfill my needs till death do us part, and someone that I’ll be able to give my love to fully and easily. I would define this as a passionate-friendship.

This hasn’t always been my style of dating though. My dating technique used to consist of dating anybody who was interested in me.

With that technique at the center of my game I made some very wrong choices. Choices that would ultimately leave me feeling frustration and a lack of control.

Through much trial and error, and over a decade of dating, I’ve put together the pieces of the dating puzzle.

Now it’s simple to see that being a confident dater, and getting the person that you want, is as simple as defining what it is that you are looking for.

“So You’ve Figured it Out. Good For You, But What About Me?”

I have no intention of leaving you hanging without the answer that you’re looking for. The way to figure out what you want is to sit down with yourself, and carefully do an extensive self-examination of all of your needs and wants.

The key to this is to ask yourself all the right questions in all the important categories.

These questions aren’t magic, nor are they secret, and I have full intention of freely divulging them to you, at no charge, and at your earliest convenience.

While I’m at it though, I’d like to tell you some of the other tips and tricks that I have deciphered over the years.

What Do You Really Want?

I’d like to help you understand exactly what it is that you want. Then, I will show you how to build up the confidence so that you realize you deserve to have what you want.

After that, we’ll work on approaching the person of your dreams. We’ll work on communicating powerfully, so that you can really get your point across. Then we’ll close the deal together, as you learn a couple of sure-fire tactics for closing the deal and asking them out.

The great part about what I’m going to show you is that it’s not just for getting into a relationship, or “picking up girls (or guys).”

This technique works for people that are already in a relationship, and it also works for building successful business relationships.

This is where a lot of internet markets would say, come and get it for the low low price of something-something dollars.

However, I’m not selling anything. I genuinely want you to be in an amazing relationship, much like the one I went out and got, so that you can be fulfilled.

How to Get Rid Of Your Emotional Baggage Before Your Next Relationship

Nick Arrizza MD — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:44:08 +0000

If you’ve been in a relationship before and you’re entering a new one you likely carry the war scars of the last one with you. What are to consequences to you and your new relationship of walking in handicapped?

Well you’re likely feeling a bit defensive, somewhat jaded about the opposite sex and about relationships in general, you’ve likely started to engage in some sort of “game playing” in order to stay safe or to manipulate your new mate, you are unlikely to allow yourself to become too intimate early on or perhaps at all and so on.

What does all this amount to?

Well certainly not a healthy relationship and definitely another failed one!

The Danger of Carrying the Past With You

You see so many individuals who have had unsatisfying relationships in the past actually carry the trauma of these within yet assume that is a normal part of the learning process and never question it.

It has been my experience that this is not unlike a form of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which clearly affects and undermines the person’s ability to achieve a successful, healthy and happy relationship in their future. This is the reason that so many individuals, later in their lives have turned away from the idea of relationship and towards a solitary existence.

Is there a solution to this problem? Absolutely!

Uninstall the Memories of Past Relationships

You see now for the first time it is possible to uninstall the memories of previous unhealthy relationships from the mind/body consciousness. As hard as this is to believe it actually helps to restore one to their original state of purity and authenticity.

This then allows them not only to enter the new relationship feeling more present, open, honest and confident it also gives them a great sense of resilience. The latter is something that few individuals ever have yet the most important component in my view.

The process that uninstalls memories is called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP) and it is based on a very simple yet powerful principle that I discovered over a decade ago while I practiced as a psychiatrist.

MRP, unlike psychotherapy, unearths and outrightly challenges unconscious beliefs you have stored within you about memories such as a) why they are apparently useful to you, b) why you “think” you can’t release them and most amazingly c) the belief that they actually happened to you.

MRP compares the apparent “usefulness” of having negative memories inside you against what it actually feels like to have them there. This simple yet profound approach can literally help restore one’s relationship life in a very short time as has been witnesses by hundreds of individuals in thousands of sessions.

Can you imagine entering into your next relationship and feeling as exhilarated as if it was the first one all over again? To have such an experience kindly visit my web site for a free consultation.

Think You Have to Let Him Call You First? Not Anymore!

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:32:42 +0000

I saw a depiction of a young woman calling a man for a date while maintaining her sexy femininity! It was exciting to witness and I want to share it with you.

I realize that expressing my discomfort over the fact that these days both sexes expect that she will call him for that first date is a favorite drum I beat.

Time and couples have proven that when a woman allows a man to pursue her, if a relationship ensues, the relationship has a better chance of survival.

That means letting him call her first. It means letting him speak first with his voice, though she may speak first with her eyes and body language, giving him encouragement to pursue her.

Calling a Man in a Way That Allows Him to Maintain His Masculine Energy

Given that women call men for dates and that men expect them to, here’s how to do it in such a way that he gets to maintain his sexy position holding the masculine energy and she gets to maintain her sexy position holding the feminine energy!

In the movie, “Happy Go Lucky,” Poppy is a thirty-year-old single female, living in London. With her carefree attitude, it is no surprise that she is a successful grade school teacher. The fact that she is single doesn’t bother her a bit. In fact, the romantic relationship she begins doesn’t occur until the very end of the film.

She has a problem with one of her students becoming violent. A social worker named Tim gets involved. He turns out to be compassionate and effective. A handsome man, he and Poppy spark to each other instantly.

After their session with the student, Poppy walks Tim to the door where they have a flirtatious conversation and reveal their interest in each other. Tim asks Poppy if she would like to go out sometime. She giggles a flirtatious and humorous affirmation. He invites her to give him a call and gives her his phone number.

As Poppy’s life is full, she has plans for the weekend and doesn’t get around to calling him until Sunday. They flirt on the phone until she finally asks, “So, you fancy going out with me sometime?” They then arrange for the following Friday. The way the date is depicted on the screen is delightful in its charm.

Later, at his apartment, they make love. At the foot of his bed, Tim encircles Poppy’s waist with his hands and kisses her repeatedly while she stands in a pose of surrender with her arms akimbo. When she finally takes his head in her hands and caresses him, her touch is visibly warm and inviting.

The Depth of Their Intimacy

It is riveting as this carefree woman, easily taken for being silly, shows up as an excellent lover. Their intimacy the next morning as they putter around his apartment reveals the same tender depth.

He takes her home later in the morning because she has an appointment to keep. She winds up having a stressful day and doesn’t talk to him until the afternoon of the following day. Their conversation is flirtatious and fun as they revel in the possibility that they are falling in love.

How She Maintained Her Femininity While Allowing Him to Maintain His Masculinity

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Been Out of the Dating Game for A While? Here Are Some Pointers That Will Save You Time And Heartache

Elaine Williams — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 14:26:48 +0000

You’re a widow, divorced or caught in the midst of life’s circumstances. Perhaps you’d never thought this would happen to you at this time of your life, being alone.

Maybe you’re alone by choice but not really sure if you want to remain that way. There are plenty of choices of where to go from here, but the tough part is making the one that’s right for you.

If you’ve been out of dating a number of years, you may find the dating scene has changed considerably.

I hadn’t dated for 25 when I stumbled back in. I experienced a wide array of emotions; shock, dismay, impatience, annoyance and even moments of wonder.

Some Pointers That May Save You Time and Pain

Learn to recognize those who are “takers” – those who want a physical relationship and nothing more. If you’re also looking for a noncommittal relationship, this may work for you. However, be aware that once intimacy enters a relationship, the rules change. Many times it leaves the door open for attachment and ultimately, unfulfilled expectations if one party leaves.

Unsafe and Unprotected Sex

We tell our children to use condoms and practice safe sex. We owe ourselves the same. Educate yourself on sexually transmitted diseases and how to avoid them.

A Free Meal is Only a Free Meal If…

If you are treated, there’s no obligation other than a gracious thank you. If you don’t feel a connection with someone, offer to pay for your portion of the check.

Abusive Relationships

No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship, whether verbal, mental or physical. Walk away. Don’t hold false hope that things will get better.

Smooth Talkers

We all know at least one, don’t we? They’ve had a lot of practice to talk their way through just about anything and anyone. Do I need to say more?

Needy Relationships

Everyone likes to feel needed from time to time, but if you’re in a relationship where you’re constantly bailing someone out, save yourself the stress and your wallet.

Emotionally Unavailable Individuals (Surface Daters)

They talk a good game, but can’t deliver any lasting commitment or anything beyond the immediate moment. They have a difficult time offering support in any substantial way, show no real caring in you as an individual, nor do they exhibit a real interest in sticking around.

These relationships (for want of a better word) start fast and fizzle shortly thereafter.

Clinging and unwarranted jealously might feel empowering at first, but be cautious about being sucked into a relationship based on this type of need. Do you seriously want to be in a relationship where your every move is questioned and up for inspection?

Dating Can Do a Number on Your Self-Confidence

In today’s world dating can take a hard shot at your self-confidence. You begin to wonder if the right person will ever come along. You’ve done your best to be proactive. Everyone says you’re intelligent, attractive… and yet you’re still batting zero on the dating scene. Is it you or is it everyone else? It may be a combination of both.

As a widow of almost five years, I’ve found what worked best for me was pursuing my own interests. Involve yourself in activities and work that stimulates you, instead of placing that burden on a prospective partner. When you feel more whole as an individual, you might just find that perfect someone popping up into your life when you least expect it.

Why You Should Never Have Sex On The First Date (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 19:39:16 +0000

Although not having sex on the first date seems to be the golden rule of dating, many men and women still end up in the sack after a dinner, a movie and just a few hours or less to get to know each other.

Are you setting yourself up for first date failure if you hop in bed right away? You bet!

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The Dreaded Booty Calls

You might have or have had a few people on your speed dial who were good for one and only one thing, a booty call, but do you really want to be that person on someone else’s speed dial? No way!

If you go on a first date that ends up at your apartment or theirs, you’re setting yourself up to become their booty call of the future. Worse, if the sex was bad, they probably won’t call you at all. Think about that before you strip down to your skivvies after the first date!

Ruining Your Shot At A Real Relationship

To some people, being a booty call every once in a while isn’t a big deal and it doesn’t end up being a deterrent not to have sex on the first date. However, if you really like a person and want to try to develop a real relationship with them, you are definitely ruining your chance at that if you end up in bed together right after your first dinner.

Having sex with someone, whether it’s on the first date, the third or the 27^th date, halts the “getting to know you” process. After that point, it truly becomes a sexual relationship for awhile. If it lasts long enough, you and your partner will find a balance between spending time with each other sexually and spending time with each other outside of the bedroom.

Nevertheless, for a good period of time, you and your partner will be fairly focused on sex as you discover each other in a new way.

The Implications of Rushing It

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Mirroring – Discover This Little Known 1st Date Secret (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 13:12:59 +0000

Going on a first date can be intimidating, no matter how long you’ve been on the dating scene. Fortunately, there are a few ways you can ensure first date success.

One of the most successful ways to hit it off with someone on a first date is using a technique called “mirroring.”

Mirroring is a technique that you can use to help your date feel comfortable with you almost instantly so you can focus on getting to know them.

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What is mirroring?

Mirroring is actually something that good friends and couples do naturally. For example, if you’re at dinner with a friend and they lean further towards the table, you might unconsciously do the same.

If you’re sitting in a theater watching a movie and you cross your legs, your boyfriend or husband might cross his legs too. When you’re comfortable with someone, you will naturally mirror their body language and movements and they’ll naturally mirror yours.

How can you use mirroring to your advantage on a first date?

Naturally, you’re not going to instantly and unconsciously mirror someone on a first date and it’s unlikely that they’ll mirror you. This could be a reason why first dates are often so awkward! However, you can use your understanding of the mirroring technique to make the first date jitters a little easier to handle and help make your date feel more comfortable with you.

When you’re on a first date, pay special attention to your date’s body language. You want to try to mirror them in a way that looks unconscious by you, like natural mirroring, without looking strange or suspicious.

This might take a few tries to really get down pat, so it’s helpful if you try to practice your mirroring technique with friends first. They can give you input on how your mirroring looks to someone besides yourself.

Using mirroring from now on

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How To Start Living (and Dating) Again After The Death Of Your Partner

Elaine Williams — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 13:00:36 +0000

As a widow of almost five years I know how hard it is to pick yourself up after the loss of a spouse. In the early days it’s sometimes difficult just getting out of bed.

You wonder if that numbness will ever recede or will your life remain a monotonous series of nothing-ness. Eventually, a new normal will creep into your life, and a healing can take place, if you allow it.

Dating Can Be Fun!

Dating again can be a wonderful experience, if you decide that is the right course for you. Whether you’re looking for another partner or still undecided, there are some exciting ways you can create a life that is rewarding for YOU.

Try something a little different each week. Start out easy and don’t set yourself up for defeat.

How to Create a New Life

Go to lunch by yourself for the first time. I recall the first time I did this after my husband’s death. I live in a small town and was sure everyone who knew me was staring at me since I felt so self-conscious. Bring something to read while you wait for your food order, even if it’s just your mail.

Have you been invited out but declined social events or dinners because you’re solo and know everyone else will be paired up? Go anyway. If you think you’ll feel awkward, ask if you can bring a girlfriend.

Don’t wait for someone else to jumpstart your life. Take charge, even if you’re only moving ahead at a snail’s place.

Take Charge!

Call up a girl or guy friend and meet for a movie. Many times I’ve gone by myself. Either way is fine, just know you don’t need someone else to have a great time. Get yourself out of that rut and invest in you.

Do you like to dance? Check out places around town or in the neighboring towns that offer dance lessons, no partner needed.

How about that pottery or water color class you always thought would be interesting? Look into instruction at your local colleges, art stores or artist colony.

Be Active

If you’re an outdoors person maybe you’d like to research some hiking trails. There’s plenty of clubs that cater to various levels of hiking endurance and ability. Again, check your local sporting goods store bulletin or ask around.

Cross country skiing, snow shoeing, horseback riding. There are all kinds of fun things to do. If you prefer a slower pace, how about meeting with friends for a walk a few times a week?

Find Out What’s Available Near You

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Hairy Chests – Advice From A Woman Who Tells It Like It Is…

Chick In Heels — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:46:49 +0000

A hairy chest. There are several things to consider here.

Some men simply cannot grow hair on their chests. Some men are `somewhat carpeted `when it comes to their layer of fur. And other men are somewhere in between.

This topic recently crossed my mind and I figured, why not write about it.. Especially since I happen to have a range of experience on the subject matter. So, here`s my take..

It is very rare that you will see a hairy chested man on the cover of a magazine these days. I would tend to lean towards thinking most women are good with a bare chested man. I highly doubt a woman would shun a man for having a hairless chest.

Options For Hairy Men

Thing is, if a man is incredibly hairy, that can definitely be a turn off for some. Here`s the good news, a hairy chest can be MAINTAINED or in some cases `tamed `might be a better choice of words.

The option of waxing may seem excruciating to some (completely warranted in my opinion) but it IS one option. I would suggest, if you are growing an out of control layer of hair, that you first attempt to trim it or depending on how thick it is, possibly shave it down with an electric shaver.

Don`t get caught up in the ‘ìt will grow back thicker’ train of thought. This is about maintaining the abundance of hair, so yeah, hopefully you`ll continue the up-keep and reap the benefits too!

Now, you don`t have to go all out with this and shed your body of all visible hair. Sometimes it just takes a bit of upkeep to avoid looking like you came from the 70`s era. Sometimes the odd minor trim job is all that`s required.

Now, if you are a single guy, and a hairy one, I highly recommend venturing into the `not so hairy`zone. I can`t say I would like to get to the point of stripping a man down and find an overwhelmingly hairy chest under his shirt.

However, I am but just one woman. Although, my girlfriends all feel the same way on this topic, so consider this to be a good base of opinion.

Find Out What Your Partner Prefers

If you are coupled up then simply ask your woman what she prefers. I view it in the same light as a woman who has never shaved between her legs or her bikini line. Why not try it. You just might like it, as may your partner, which is a bonus all around!

My personal preference is a man with a `sprinkling’ of chest hair. Just enough to say that he IS a man, and that I AM under, or on top of one (wink!). For me, back hair and thick arm hair is a turn off. Been there, done that and NOT going that route again.

It`s the same advice I`d give regarding a woman`s bikini line, trim it up, shave it down. Give it a try. Your partner may LOVE it and hey, you can always grow it back if grooming isn`t for you!

Can’t Get A Second Date – Could Smoking Be The Reason?

Alan B. Densky, CH — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:19:52 +0000

You like her (or him) so much that you are sure you would like to go out again. In fact, you think this person might just possibly be the one. But when you ask for a second date or a phone number, your date smiles and says, "Good night." And walks away from you.

You thought the night was going perfectly. You found a special restaurant that played the perfect background music, and dinner talk was relaxing and enjoyable. Your eyes kept meeting, and you were just sure that you two had hit it off. Then dinner was over, and you stopped to have a quick cigarette before getting into the car.

Why It’s a Problem

The sad truth is, most non-smokers just don’t like kissing ashtrays. And, frankly, kissing someone who smokes tastes nearly as bad. Smoking is a major turnoff, and a bad habit that most people just won’t tolerate. In fact, dating sites even allow users to filter out smokers from their searches for that Mr. or Ms. Right.

The majority of people who smoke are aware of this and try to hide their annoying addiction from other searchers by listing themselves as non-smokers. The first meeting, however, gives them away. And the search begins again.

How Much of a Problem Is It Really?

Just how much of a problem is smoking when it comes to relationships and marriage? In fact, smokers are 53% more likely to divorce than non-smokers. This holds true for people of every age, social class, and ethnic background.

Researchers state flat-out that smoking is a risk for divorce and marital problems. They also encourage a person who is dating a smoker to think long and hard before committing to marry someone who smokes.

Maybe It’s Time to Quit

If you have found that, over and over again, you aren’t getting a second date or having trouble starting a relationship, perhaps you are ready to quit smoking. Although people decide to quit smoking for a variety of reasons, if you quit smoking because of concerns with romantic relationships, you are far from alone.

Ultimately, most smokers start searching for ways to quit smoking out of concern for the health of their family. There are many ways to quit smoking, and one of the easiest ways is through the use of a specially formulated hypnosis program.

Hypnosis Could Be The Answer

Hypnosis programs for quitting smoking are developed specifically to help smokers quit smoking without having to suffer from withdrawal. They are particularly useful because they help smokers beat the psychological aspects of the addiction, which are the hardest aspects to overcome. The smoking habit is 10% physical addiction, and 90% mental addiction.

Benefits of Hypnosis

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What To Do When He Doesn’t Call After Your First Date… What Happened? (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:30:39 +0000

Almost every woman has been on a first date where the man didn’t call back afterwards, even if he said he would.It can be frustrating and even embarrassing, but it’s really very normal.

As a woman who hasn’t been called by your date, especially if you’re really interested in the guy, what can you do?

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Going On With Your Life

If you’ve been on a first date with a really great guy and everything seemed to work out great, you might wonder whey he’s not calling you back. It’s important that you don’t obsess about it! Let it go and move on with your life.

You might think that it’s a lost opportunity or you might wonder what it was about you that he didn’t like, and you might be tempted to call him and find out why. Don’t! There are several reasons why he might not have called.

He might have lost your number – really. If he did and he really did like you, he’ll find a way to track you down. He might have had some kind of crisis, or he might be transitioning out of a relationship to make room for you in his life.

Or he might not have liked you. Whatever his reasons are for not calling back, you’re going to have to accept them even if you don’t know exactly what they are. If you call back, asking why he didn’t call, you’re definitely going to look like a psycho stalker woman. Just be cool, calm and collected about it and move on with your life, even going on dates with other men.

The Second Chance

If you didn’t like the guy all that much and he doesn’t call back, it’s really no big deal. If you did, however, really enjoy the time you spent with him, it’s a little more difficult to deal with if he doesn’t call back. You might get a second chance though!

Never Ask Why!

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