In the digital age, internet relationships and love affairs are becoming more and more common.

Dating websites are running rampant and the invention of webcams and microphones, you can have an almost face to face conversation with someone else.

Unfortunately, many of these internet relationships don’t work out. Whether it’s a long distance relationship with a previous partner or someone you met on the internet, without physical contact, your relationship may wane. 

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

I’m in a long-distance relationship with a guy I’ve never met. I’ve seen him on webcam, but that’s all. I seem to have fallen for him and I love him very much. We used to talk all the time, but lately we haven’t talked at all. The past few weeks, I’ve said only a few things to him and one of those times I was angry at someone and complaining to him. We seem to fight all the time and I don’t know what I could do to fix it. We’ve tried all sorts of things, but nothing seems to work!

 

Please help us!

 

–Keely

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Why Internet Relationships Don’t Cut It

Humans crave physical contact. From the time that we’re born, our bodies crave to be touched. It’s not necessarily a sexual need, it’s more of a physical need. We crave intimacy and closeness with other people, even if it’s just a hug or cuddling on the couch in front of a movie. Webcam love affairs and internet relationships are obviously lacking this very critical component.

If being apart from your partner is temporary, subsisting on webcam and phone communication is often enough to get you through until you are able to be together again. However, if your internet relationship is simply that, it can be difficult if not downright impossible to get the physical contact and intimacy you need from your partner to keep the relationship alive.

Online Introductions . . . Not Online Dating

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Sex (especially great sex) is an important piece of a successful romantic relationship.  If you’re having amazing sex already, this probably won’t apply to you.  But if you’re experience lack-luster sex on a regular basis, I suggest you read on.

Do you know why the majority of couples do not have great sex?

It simply boils down to one mistake.

The number one mistake couples make in the bedroom is…simply not knowing what to do.

That’s right, "Ignorance".

And let me tell you…

Ignorance is NOT bliss in the bedroom!

What Wise Men Have To Say

Don’t think female orgasm ignorance can harm you?  Well, consider the following quotes:

"Ignorance, the root and the stem of every evil."
   — Plato (427 BC - 347 BC)

Cheating can be a result of ignorance on how to give women orgasms.

"It is worse still to be ignorant of your ignorance."
   — Saint Jerome (374 AD - 419 AD)

If you don’t know that you lack the knowledge to give women orgasms, then how can you fix it?  Also, she might be faking orgasms on you.

"Ignorance and inconsideration are the two great causes of the ruin of mankind."
    — John Tillotson (1630 - 1694)

…and the ruin of a relationship.
 

What Sexual Ignorance Means To You 

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If you find yourself in a situation where one or more family members don’t approve of your relationship with your partner, you’re not alone.

Often, family members won’t like a partner because they don’t think they’re good enough for you, or for other reasons.

It can be difficult trying to please everyone you care about, including your family and your partner. Does family come first? 

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

My cousin and I have been closer than close for 2 years - Never letting anything get in the way. We are always there for each other. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 months and she has been recently single for 2 months. I’m in a good relationship and everything is going great. We even started having sex. My cousin is totally against it and now wants me to end my relationship with him. What should I do? He’s the only guy that I have been active with and I love him… but I also believe that family comes first. How could I get my cousin to see that were no different and that she shouldn’t try to intervene in my sex life?

 

–YouTube Viewer

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Making Your Own Choices

If you’re a legal adult, you can make your own choices about who you want to date and when. Perhaps you don’t want to date anyone or perhaps you want to date someone your family doesn’t approve of. Either way, it’s your choice. It’s no one else’s!

However, that doesn’t make it any less difficult of a situation to deal with if your family is consistently hassling you over who you’re dating. It can be hard to have a positive, successful relationship with someone if your family always has something negative to say about your partner, but it can also be hurtful to be in disagreement with your family over who you’re dating. What do you do? Who do you choose?

You Shouldn’t Have To Choose 

You shouldn’t have to choose between your family and who you want to date. Your family should love and accept you no matter what. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen…

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Janie, a bachelorette, travels constantly on business. After a long day of intense sales calls, she retires to her room where she eats alone, checks e-mail, and prepares for the next day’s work.

By the end of the evening, she’s too edgy to sleep and a little lonely. She could saunter down to the lobby bar, but the thought of picking up a stranger has little appeal in today’s world of dangerous STDs.

She could call one of the men she dates from time to time, but doesn’t want to come across as needy. She could watch a pay-for-view movie ADULT movie, but doesn’t want to explain that charge to her employer.

Faced with those alternatives, she often ends the day snuggled up in bed with her laptop. She reads an erotic e-book by a favorite author. With one hand on the keyboard and the other under the covers, she gives herself some well-deserved “personal time.”

Afterwards, she sleeps like a baby.

Nathan and Bri have a great sex life, and Nathan’s as crazy in love with his wife as the day they married three years ago. Even so, he has fantasies of a threesome involving Bri, him, and another woman. In his favorite fantasy, Bri and the other woman begin kissing while he watches.

One thing leads to another and soon the women are naked on the floor, making love. After they’ve driven each other over the edge, the two women turn their attention to him.

So far, Nathan has refrained from sharing his fantasy with Bri, because he knows she’s strictly a one-man woman.

But once a week, when she’s out with her friends, he indulges himself with a box of Kleenex, a favorite lubricant, and a visit to a website featuring erotic stories about threesomes. He prefers the slow build-up and exotic settings offered by the stories to video porn’s bright lights, close-up shots, and predictability.

In the back of his mind, he harbors the hope that Bri will some day turn his fantasy into reality.

Katie and Patrick have been together for four years. They’re in a committed relationship, but Katie has come to realize that she needs more sex than Patrick.

He’s pre-occupied with starting a new business and happy with their twice a week routine. For her part, she’d prefer a trip down the “O” highway every day.

She’s not opposed to a furtive moment alone in the shower or a solitary fling on the day bed before Patrick returns home from work. But what works best for Katie is curling up in front of the fire or in the chaise lounge with a steamy period romance and a favorite vibrator.

She secretly hopes Patrick will find her books and want to see what she does with that vibrator while she reads.

Doing it by the Book

Masturbation, wanking, play time.

Call it what you like, it’s something we all do. In fact, Kinsey Institute research shows that 90 percent of all men over the age of 18 “toss one off” on a regular basis, while 65 percent of all women “rub one out” now and then.

The percentages are lower for married couples, but a Playboy survey found that 72 percent of married men masturbate, while a Redbook survey revealed that 68 percent of married women join in the fun.

Yet, when confronted with these percentages, many people are embarrassed to admit that they aren’t much different from everyone else when it comes to self pleasure.

Furthermore, even if we confess to an occasional personal dalliance, we’re likely to characterize it as a “moment of weakness.” In the words of the old “Seinfeld” episode, we take pride in being “masters of our own domain.”

But the truth is…

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There are many rumors and taboos associated with masturbation.

Does it cause blindness? Does it cause hairy palms? Is it wrong? Is it unhealthy? Does it cause premature ejaculation?

Exploring the origin of the taboo behind masturbation and the scientific studies associated with it can lead to a clearer understanding of what masturbation is and what it definitely isn’t. 

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Where did it go wrong?

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"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ;Let me take the speck out of your eye when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"" Matthew 7: 3,4 (New International Version)

Nearly five years since starting Christian Pro Erotic, after years of struggling with my faith and my sexual needs, after hearing the stories of many people of faith in the same situation I finally read the article in the July 7th Time Magazine.

Sexuality for Married Couples

And God Said, "Just Do It" is about Christian fellowships and churches tackling sexuality for married couples. It seems a movement is burgeoning where ministers and ministries are focusing on one issue: married couples in the church need more sex!

Finally, after so many years, we are cleaning a stubborn speck in the eye. Instead of putting down those in the world whose marriages do not live up to the snuff of church standards Christians will finally try to take out the plank of high divorce rates and failed sex lives from the eye of the body of Christ.

Christian couples are finding programs such as New Directions Christian Church (Memphis, Tennessee) with their series"40 Nights of Grreat Sex" or Relevant Church (Tampa, Florida) with their "30-Day Sex Challenge" available to them to help their marriages grow and prosper.

I can tell you 20 years ago or so the advice would have been to "just pray about it and God will give you the clues to figure our how it will work out".

A step in the right direction

Not anymore.

Now along with the Good Book we are finding couples armed with (gasp) the Joy of Sex in their arsenal to take back their bedrooms from a stale existence.

To me this is a step in the right direction and one which is way overdue; if these materials were available to Christian couples in the past–leadership and members–many marriages could have avoided heartache and tragedy in their lives. To realize they are failing in the battle in the bedroom is a signal playtime is over. The church is ready to catch up with many other couples who made each night a night to remember.

The church had a flimsy argument to folks outside the church about engaging in spicing up their bedroom life. We kept serving Vanilla when everyone else dove into cartons of Rocky Road and Cookies and Cream (whether you add this to your bedroom play is up to you).

The church balked at toys, oils, massages and (gasp) alternative venues to make things interesting. The thing I could not understand was how those folks who lasted 40 plus years together keep it together when it came to times of intimacy?

The road that led to adultery

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Anal sex, like any type of sex, can be pleasurable but can also take a nasty turn if you don’t take the appropriate precautions and use care when having anal sex.

So can it be dangerous? You bet, but that doesn’t have to exclude it from your list of enjoyable bedroom (or other room) activities if you really enjoy it.

Here are some ways you can make anal sex safe and fun.  

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Practice and Patience

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There are a great number of taboos on masturbation and there have been since almost the beginning of time. You might have heard that masturbation causes blindness or that masturbation makes your palms hairy.

While you might already know that these are old wives tales, it still might leave you with the question, "is masturbation right?" Whether it’s ‘right’ or not is something you need to decide for yourself, but masturbation isn’t unhealthy by any means.  

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Where did the taboo come from?

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You’re standing in a bar. Across from you is a beautiful woman. 

You make eye contact and smile. She smiles back and decides to come over.  She gets closer and closer. 

You suddenly get a tight little knot in your stomach; anxiety from not knowing what will come next.  Now she is standing in front of you.  Your heart is racing.

You barely manage to get out the words, "Uhhhh Hi."  She says "hi" back with a look of intrigue. As she begins to speak, you begin to doubt. 

You wonder what she’s thinking.  How could this beautiful woman possibly be interested in me?

After a brief moment of small talk, the woman walks away.  You begin to wonder, what the hell just happened?

You can’t help but feel rejected.  You obsess over what could possibly be wrong with you.  The next thing you know, several hours have gone by and you’re a big pile of anxiety.

What turned her off?

So what repelled this woman?  It could have been any number of things.  Was it your breath? Your insecure body language?  Your shortened height? Your hideous disfigured face?  The thing is, you will never know what drove this woman away.  This is the unknown variable of attraction.

Variables of attraction

There are many variables in a person that determines whether they are attractive or not.  There have been volumes written about the science of attraction.  Even many of today’s top dating gurus are constantly seeking ways to decipher the process of attraction.  However, with centuries of research and much discussion, there always seems to be one thing, one variable, that consistently makes a person attractive - confidence.

To be free from doubt; to have belief in yourself and your abilities.   This is confidence.

Why confidence matters

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It’s a question that just about everyone has asked at least at one point or another in their lives.

What is the secret to long term, happy relationships? Is there even a secret?

While there is no tried and true formula that you can follow to the letter to ensure you have a happy relationship for years to come, there are a few things you can do to make your relationship easier and more fulfilling.

What is the secret to long term happy relationships?  

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Accepting your partner.

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Many times, after about six or seven years of a relationship or marriage, the sex life tends to dwindle.

As time goes on, the sex life continues to dwindle and sex with your partner becomes routine.

Your interest in sex with your partner may lessen, but this doesn’t mean that you love your partner less or your relationship is doomed. It just means your relationship has progressed naturally! 

Can having a threesome bring the spice back into your partnership?

You had mentioned the other day that some therapists actually recommend bringing

a third person into the bedroom to spice up your sex life. Please explain…

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Threesomes aren’t for everyone.

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As a child I heard that “children are best seen not heard” so often I never spoke up in public about anything.  We are taught to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves from an early age. 

Gender differences in communication

Girls are taught subtly in the classroom to keep their ideas to themselves. 

There was a study done years ago (sorry, I don’t recall the source) where they counted the number of times girls were called upon in class to boys, and the number of times girls were punished for speaking out of turn as opposed to boys.  This study revealed that girls are called upon less, and punished for speaking out of turn more. 

Boys, of course are taught to hide their feelings from toddlerhood.  Our culture doesn’t even allow boys to learn the words for feelings.   Then, older boys, fathers, brothers, teachers, and coaches shame them if they show any sign of having a feeling other than happiness or anger.

So it’s no wonder communication is so hard for us. Yet those of us who can overcome our difficulties with communication are the best equipped for any career and have far more financial and social success. 

Environmental effects on communication styles

For myself, my “dysfunctional family” further complicated all the cultural edicts against communication. I learned to keep secrets, to protect others from my feelings (I didn’t want anyone to know how badly I hurt because then I would have to tell them why), and to try to guess what others wanted from me since they wouldn’t come out and tell me.

Coming into a marriage with this kind of baggage at age 43 and a history of two failed marriages did not bode well from my new partner. Yet he took the gamble (Yea!) and I think it has paid off for both of us.

To get to good communication from the very beginning we had to fight a number of difficulties.

First, I was phobic of his anger (anger in my family meant someone would get abandoned or hurt) and because of his own Self-Protector mode anger was his primary emotion.  Second, I hid my real feelings because of how I had been trained as a child. 

The first year of our marriage was turbulent and extremely painful at times.  It was a good thing we were so crazy about each other or we could never have survived it!

Overcoming communication difficulties

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Pornography has been around for hundreds and possibly even thousands of years.

There are different levels of pornography, from the mild romance novel to the hardcore BDSM movie.

Pornography also spans across different cultures, and some cultures are more accepting than others.

Many people may ask whether watching porn is wrong or if it shouldn’t be done, but the answer isn’t a clean cut "yes" or "no."

Is it wrong to watch pornography?

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What’s Wrong To You Isn’t Wrong To Me

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Almost everyone has a sexual fetish or fantasy of some kind, but many people don’t like to admit it.

Society has put sort of a damper on being open and honest about what turns us on sexually, however, most of it is healthy and even natural.

Most fetishes and fantasies aside though, some of them can be dangerous or harmful. How do you know if what turns you on goes too far?

Are sexual fetishes bad?

Are fantasies healthy?  

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Healthy Fetishes and Fantasies

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Trying new things in your sex life is healthy, and in many cases, even encouraged.

Some people tend to find a few things they like, such as anal sex, and may incorporate this into their sexual activities regularly.

Sometimes, however, you’ll find that after kids or other things that some things become uncomfortable or unbearable.

What happens if you become unable to perform you or your partner’s favorite sex acts due to one or more reasons?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

My husband loves anal sex… we used to have it a lot (several years ago). Now it is extremely painful for me. I have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and have a couple external hemorrhoids from having children. We have tried taking it easy, tried using fingers first and LOTS of lube.

 

How can I get over the horrible pain so he will be happy? I don’t know what else to do. Can you help me? PLEASE!!!

 

-Me. WV

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When it becomes uncomfortable…

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