[Paul - Personal Changes]

You didn't mention your ages... and that can be a very important issue. Younger men generally have higher testosterone levels than older ones. The higher the testosterone levels, the more agressively impulsive most men will be. So if he's in his teens or early to mid-twenties, that can be a huge factor. Not much you can do about that but it does explain some things.

Next, sex is just like playing baseball... it's a learned skill. But many young men are so sexually impulsive that they don't "get it" that there's a lot to learn with regard to sexual techniques, focus, effective interplay, etc. They think that if you put it in and cum that they are successful. You know... rub rub, squirt squirt! Also, many younger men are so self-centered (egocentric) at that time in their lives that they find it difficult to focus on anything other than what "they" want.

So, what's a girl to do? Sex education 101!

Men have very fragile ego's (I'm sure you've heard that before) so it's best to go slow and choose your words carefully. Never issue an ultimatum unless you're ready to follow through on it. Never! If he becomes defensive because of your statements or actions, that can't help either of you. So take the discussion out of the bedroom or wherever you normally have sex. Go somewhere neutral where you can't have sex... like a restaurant, etc.

Very Important: Guys respond more positively when their woman is direct with them... no "game playing" or "hinting," etc. Those are techniques from the old days when women had to be "coy" to be able to get what they want from their men. Those days are over. Guys are generally not as "intuitive" as women so for them, you have to clearly spell things out. It's not that they're slow or stupid... it's just the way that they are wired. Be direct and forthright in your communications with him and you'll get much further, much faster.

You might say something like... "I love having sex with you... and for it to happen more often, it has to be equally good for both of us. Do you agree?" Then tell him that you know what turns him on and that you really enjoy doing those things for him... but that sex is a "give and take" activity... it's not one sided.

The object here is not to tell him what he needs to do, but what YOU ARE GOING TO DO. The focus here is about what you're going to do to make sex better for both of you! Tell him that from now on, when you're having sex with him, that you will tell him directly what feels good for you... and what you want him to do more of.... and that as he does those things for you, that you respond by doing more of what really turns him on. It's a "give and take" activity, remember?

Tip: When talking about this subject, always use "we" rather than "you" in your conversations about sex.

Tell him that sex with him is great... and that as humans, we can always improve... and as that happens, we both get more and more turned on and passionate... and evey man LOVES a passionate woman who loves passionate sex! Find a way to convey to him that by taking things slow and giving us what we both want that it will pay off for both of us big-time in longer and more passionate lovemaking... and let him know very clearly that is your goal. To make your sex together not just great, but awesome and legendary! And really, really HOT! You have to educate him on how our investment of time and effort on this will pay-off for him. Remember that men are object oriented and visually oriented so use words and images that hit him on those levels. It's a much stronger motivation for him.

Bottom Line: Show him how giving you what you want/need will benefit him even more than what you're now doing together.

Best of luck to you and your fiance...