[SCFrank]

A long distance relationship question!

Some background . . . My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years now. We are both in our mid 40's. We are both divorced and each have two children under the age of 12. She lives in Arizona. I live in South Carolina. We met (and dated) for about a year during college, and stayed in touch over the years. We re-connected and are now very much in love. We truly feel that we are meant to be together, and we're always very happy when we're together. We've spent time around each other's children. We've both met each other's friends and families. We manage to see each other at least two times per month for 2-4 days, sometimes more. In between, we talk on the phone at least 3 times a day, and also use the Internet to communicate.

Her ex-husband is there in Arizona and has equal custody of her children. Same situation for me - I have equal custody of my children here in South Carolina. We are both very dedicated parents, and we feel equally that that all four of our kids are our first priority. We both get along with our ex-spouses and our ex-in-laws, for the most part for the benefit of our children.

We have (endless) conversations about the future, whether or not we'll be able to live together and/or get married. Because of locations and distance, these conversations often lead to the question of if it will ever happen, at least in the near future. We both know that there is a good chance that in order for each of us to stay close to our kids, we'll need to keep living near to our ex-spouses.

It's a difficult situation, because there is nothing more we both want than to wake up together every morning. How do we make it work out? One way we can see it happening is if one of our ex-spouses gives up custody and allows a move. But on the other hand, neither of us really wants to move our kids far away from their other parents. Another way we've talked about is two households, one here part of the time, and another there.

Right now, we're both wondering if we can sustain our relationship. Or, more so, how can we sustain our relationship? If anyone of you reading this has been in a similar situation, we would like to know what happened. Did it work out? How did you make it work out? We both want to make it all work out -- for us and for our kids. We just don't quite know how to do it.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your opinions and advice!

Frank in SC