How to Divorce with Kids
Obviously there are some really bad ways to divorce with kids. But there are some right ways to do it too. I think that telling people to stay for the kids is wrong, but that puts estranged parents in an awkward position with no solution.
PS. My advice is assuming no abuse. Divorces from abuse are a different matter entirely!
I'd say try this:
1st - Figure out if you are divorcing, separating or getting help.
You need to make a decision together. And if they don't want to make a decision, then they are deferring to you to lead the way. Don't involve your kids until you are sure about the direction its gonna take.
2nd - Agree with your partner on a solid approach.
The best / worst thing about having kids together is that you are still going to have to get along with your spouse after the divorce. You still have to nurture that relationship, even after the marriage is dead. Because now you have to work together if you want to see your kids.
If you've officially decided to separate or divorce, then discuss in detail how you will tell the kids about it. Figure all that out together, so that your kids have congruency. This will be challenging, but if you don't learn how to agree about the kids now, it will only be harder later.
3rd - Have a Talk to Explain the New Marital Agreement
Assume your kids are smart enough to understand what's happening. Just use age appropriate language. Any situation can be translated into any age-language. Just do your best!
Sit them down and let them know what is happening in your marriage, that it has nothing to do with them at all. Ask them if they have any questions about it.
Usually couples separate for a while. Being 'Separated' is a fine definition for a marriage, and you should be okay with that too, not hide it or be ashamed. I think this is a natural transition. Explain to them that we are still married but we want to live in different homes for a while. Just like you want your own room... well, mom and dad want their own houses! (Hahaha...)
They will thank you for your honesty. Good luck with your situation!!
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