Heather, first of all, I'd like to say congratulations on using the condom... too many people forget that when their drunk or when it's their first time and they're excited.
As far as the pain and the bleeding.. this is most likely due to the stretching and yes, even some tearing that is associated with sexual penetration. This would be especially true if you have never put anything else inside... though if it continues to be a problem you definitely should talk to your doctor (by the way, now you need to start having pap tests). You may even want to talk to your doctor now, just to get some more information now that you're sexually active. It might feel like it, but things can't really shift around too much in there. Yes, the vagina will stretch and relax to accept a larger penis, but it all goes back to where it started pretty quickly... This feeling is probably just the residual stretching feeling... which can certainly be uncomfortable, especially if it wasn't slow and gentle.
As far as him not wanting to be with you sexually again... well.. You did tell him some things that as you say may have freaked him out a little.. most people do not know how to deal with mental illness and are uncertain of how they should act with someone who has been diagnosed. This is not something you can really change, although maybe some general education would be a good thing for him. Then, he was not a virgin from what I gather in your post. So he probably thinks himself quite the stud.. and wanted to "pop a cherry"...again, not much you can do about this. You probably don't want to date him, since you say you wanted to be friends with benefits... and that's probably good because he's probably not dating material right now... but chances are he's made up his mind and there's not too much you can do. You may want to find someone else to explore you new-found sexuality with...
And as far as giving oral... this was probably the same reason as why you talked about things you wish you hadn't... alcohol loosens our inhibitions and we do stupid things (Watch any episode of COPS if you don't know what I mean..lol) I've done it, you've done it, and we're not the only ones... don't feel bad. But, on the same topic.. don't expect to receive oral if you're not going to give it... it's a 2-way street
Don't beat yourself up about it.. you're not a nun.. sex is normal, it's natural... it was going to happen sometime. Enjoy it. Just be sure to enjoy responsibly and with the right people.