I’ve been there. For me sex is a very emotional thing, personal, deep. I waited till I knew we would be getting married, I had planned to wait till marriage but that didn’t happen. It was very difficult for me that my fiancé was not a virgin (especially since I had somehow made it 5 years with someone and never got naked). It was hard for me, knowing that our experience together was not a new shared magical experience, that he had had it before with girls that he didn’t really love. I could not get those other girls out on my head and it made me depressed. I’ll be honest; you don’t just get over it like people tell you to. And you are not bad or wrong for thinking about it. It doesn’t mean your relationship is unhealthy or you have an unrealistic view about sex. Sex means different things to different people; it is important to different people for different reasons none of which are wrong. For some people sex is not just sex, it is more meaningful and more important, and the idea that she was with someone who was not so loving so invested, so not you, is not easy to come to terms with. I don’t want to get you down make you think that you are stuck thinking about this forever. My suggestion is to do what I did, and find things your girl has not experienced that were sexual in nature, for my fiancé and me oral was an unknown realm we explored together. Maybe it is a position: maybe it’s a fantasy: maybe its lotions, or oils, or chocolate body paint. Do new intimate things. She could be a body pain virgin, or a doggy style virgin. Get a nice clean feather and gently use it to explore your bodies together. The more new enjoyable things you experience, the less the sexual acts from her past will matter. You will think about them time to time and it may make you feel shitty, but when you do think about it stop and think about that special thing you did with her he did not, that special way you touched her he was too self serving to bother with, all the special intimate things you have shared with her and only her, and she has shared with you and only you, and I bet after you think of all those things you won’t be able to help but smile at the thought of what you have experienced together.
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