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I want to incorporate my nylon fetish (I wear them) she knows and is okay, but not when it is all of us.
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She's not OK when it's all of you? Who's not OK? Does the other guy know about this fetish? Have you talked to him about it? Is he comfortable with it? She may be afraid of losing a good thing if he gets freaked out by the nylon... As with all fetishes, it should be introduce to the new person slowly, over time.
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Also, I find myself wanting to do oral to him as well, which she wants no part of at all. How can I "swing" things more to my direction?
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She may be a little insecure about seeing you with another man - actually about man-man sex in general. Is she OK with you touching him other ways or is it just oral? Maybe he can give her oral while you give him oral? Just thinking out loud here...
I agree that the big thing here is to talk with her to understand what makes her uncomfortable with this particular situation. Maybe you can 'ease' into it over time...