Hi Victoria
I think you need to listen to what he says. BSDM is a step too far for you to take, it seems to me. I'm a lot older than you and have much more sexual experience, yet I'm only at the beginning of Dom/sub relationship and I'm just finding my way. I was very unsure about it to begin with, the thought of handing complete control, not just sexually, to another person is scary.
However, I am lucky in that I was already in a relationship with this man before he very gradually introduced the idea of my being his sub, and over time explained exactly what it entails. I'm still a bit unsure even though I've comitted myself too him and it feels good, I suppose I don't know if I will always feel that way and wonder what would happen if I changed my mind and wanted out.
So my advice to you is just start with ordinary socialising and going on dates with different guys. Before you give yourself to anyone make really sure they are trustwothy and also worthy of the gift you give them of yourself.
It's best to start gently when you feel ready to, sex should not make you panic like this and you are nowhere near ready for this type of powerful relationship.
Please look after yourself and value yourself, women can be very vulnerable in today's world. Time to back away from this scene and get busy being young and carefree. You have all the time in the world.
Take care of you.
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