I need a little more information:
I'm confused about what his wife is wanting, and I'm going to bet you're a little confused about it to. My first question is "What is his wife wanting to happen where you are concerned?" What does she think will result from you talking to him? Is she desperate to try to help him or is she interested in some form of open relationship?
He's a big boy and guys get broken up with every day. If he's in this bad of shape, he needs an appointment with a doctor to see if he needs to be on an antidepressant. It's also possible he's playing the sympathy card.
Be very wary of any situation where you're supposed to be "helping" him. It's very easy to get manipulated that way. Dating and social work just don't mix.
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