[nikki1537]

I had an affair and divorced my husband when I was 25 -- the boyfriend swept me out of my boring no fun life and showed me a whole other side of life. HOWEVER, while continuing the relationship with the boyfriend I still had feelings for my ex and have been going back and forth between deciding if the divorce was the right decision. Our kids, friends, and family all think the boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship, however, I haven't been able to let my ex-husband move on, I've been seeing him secretly all this time. My ex and I used to talk about getting back together but I think he's getting tired of this situation and wants to move on with his life if I'm not going to "come home". The boyfriend and I still have a lot of fun together and get along great but he's not the father of my children, he's not always dependable, but he is smart, loyal and has a great job. My ex is not spontanuous, somewhat conservative and more on the serious side -- he has a decent job, good sense of humor but a little on the quiet side. I don't know why I can't let my ex go if I'm so in love and happy with the boyfriend. I feel like I still in love my ex-husband and this is why I can't let him move on to pursue other relationships because I'm not sure if we still have a realistic chance and the rest of our lives. Afterall, we will have grandchildren someday and our lives will constantly be interlooped with kids, grandkids, daughters-in-law etc.... I don't know if I should throw the last 9 years into the "mistake" pile and try to work things out with my ex for the futures sake or if I should end everything with the ex and focus on my future with the boyfriend. Our kids are now teenagers and have no idea their parents have been involved, we get along great in public and have done "family" things together which the boyfriend has never been part of because we wanted our kids to feel like their parents got along very well. My ex has never accepted the boyfriend so it's not an option to have them together at family functions so I constantly have to chose which one will be in attendance as far as school activites and functions related to the kids......I know this is crazy after all this time but I really need to decide once and for all which one will be best for me, the kids, and future grandkids........