Hello.
A little background: I have been going out with my girlfriend since 2/08. She is an incredible person in many ways and I love her to death. I am 23 and she is 20. We are different in a lot of ways but do share some similar tastes/interests and really love each others company. I couldn't imagine myself without her, and she has said the same to me.
The basic problem I am having is that she will not have intercourse with me. She is a virgin, I am not. We have done several sex-related things including oral sex, but have yet to have actual intercourse. Basically we have done "everything but", if you know what I mean. We have tried to have sex about a half dozen times or so and every time it has ended bad, usually with her in tears. She is scared to death of the pain and on my attempts she grimaces with the slightest/softest contact I make down in her "area". Now like I said, we have done "everything but" so I have given her hundreds of orgasms using my fingers/hands on her and she loves them. I have gone inside her lots of times with my index finger, but usually only at the point right before she starts to orgasm, other than that she says it doesn't feel good or hurts. She has in turn given me a few orgasms, but most of the time I usually finish myself. She is heavily inexperienced cause she is a virgin. Most everything she has learned I have taught/talked to her about.
Now, I am an impatient person in general with most everything, but I strive to be as patient as possible with her. I have not had full blown intercourse since before we started going out. Obviously I am
EXTREMELY horny, and I honestly do not know what to do
. I really don't want to leave her cause she is so special to me and I love her. I will also
never ever cheat on her, I am not that type of person. It has gotten to the point of me telling her hundreds of times how bad I want to make love to her, and she usually just replies "I know, I know" or "I know, I suck", then it just makes me feel guilty. I am not going to break up with her just to have sex with someone, I do NOT want to leave her and there is a
LOT more to relationships than just sex, I believe.
One thing I know she hates, as most females do, is her self image. She thinks she is fat and ugly. I tell her everyday I think she is beautiful (and I truly do think she is fu**ing smokin!). I am sure this is part of the overall problem, but do continue to read below please.
Not only am I horny as
hell because I haven't had sex in a few years and I am a normal young male, I also believe sex would help me a lot right now. So far, 2009 has not been kind to me at all. I was jobless for the first time in my life for roughly 2.5 months. Like I mentioned earlier, I quit a job I LOVED and worked for 6.5 years to move back home to be with my girlfriend, and I have still not gotten over it. I have an okay job now, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how much I miss my old one. My girlfriend is well aware of this also, and keeps saying things like "So move back, I'm not that important", and I hold true to the opposite, and tell her that she has made me happy more than anything in my life, and that is 100% true. So I think sex would help relieve a lot of stress in my life. I have only had sex a handful of times, so I have no idea how nice it must be to have sex on a regular basis, even if its once or twice a week. I am very tired of feeling like a moron loser when my friends meet girls and have sex within days or weeks, and here I am sitting at 17+ months...and nothing....
I have even mentioned to my girlfriend to go to a doctor and see if "everything is alright down there" for her, thinking that perhaps there is something causing more pain for her than normal. She had her normal gynecologist checkup and the doc said everything is fine. I have also tried to get some toys to try and spice things up and prep her for sex but that hasn't helped either. She also mentioned "well maybe if I get drunk with you we'll be able to do it". This has actually yet to be attempted but history tells me more than likely it won't make a difference, not to mention she pretty much never drinks as it is and when she does it is very very little.
Recently she mas mentioned to me that she doesn't even care about having sex right now, saying "its not a big deal to me". I then tell her "well its not a big deal to you because you do not know what you're missing". I have also even thrown out the "well if you don't have sex with me then you must not love me" bit, not trying to hurt her or anything, but just to see what kind of response I get. When I say this she tears up and says she does love me, and all I accomplished by trying this was feeling like a moron. I tell her I would never hurt her (although being a virgin it is inevitable that it is going to hurt for her) and that if I could I would take all the pain for her. Sad thing is, it doesn't really matter what I say because she is scared to death of the pain from sex. And it doesn't help that she is a hypochondriac in general anyway, she admits this herself.
I am pretty much out of ideas here, and I am really really wanting a change and really really wanting to have sex on
some sort of a basis, hell even if its once a month. Is all this just "normal virgin jitters"? Or is it something much more? What am I missing? I have never heard of any couple going out for 17+ months and not having intercourse. I am open to any type of advice, I am sure there are some ideas/issues I haven't thought of.
If you need more information about me/her/anything, please let me know!
Thank you for your time reading this and I look forward to your help!