BlackTears: These are all crucial warning signs of a marriage in trouble. It sounds just like what we were going through before I found out my wife had someone else.
You can only work on what he's willing to. You can influence him, however. ONe thing you could do is get the book I suggested and let him "catch" you reading it. Just leave it on the table and see if he doesn't pick it up and start reading it.
I think a pastoral counselor might be your best chance. You've made it clear you're willing. That's all you can do.
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