Hey Dan and Jennifer,
Just an update on the situation! Well we went for coffee about a week after I posted that initial response. Essentially the same was said in person, we both have feelings for eachother still, we both find eachother attractive and we both want the best for eachother; the only problem is we both agree that we weren't able to be good to eachother in a relationship at this point in our lives and we're unsure whether that will ever change. There was a lot of flirting, it was really strange. It wasn't awkward at all though, it all felt very natural. We talked about such things as why we never had break up sex and how we would probably end up hooking up with eachother if we ever ran into eachother drunk at a bar, and we made jokes about a lot of old things that happened between us, it was nice. We actually decided to promise eachother that if anywhere down the road (unless one or both of us have a ring on our fingers) that if one of us has our feelings come back we won't hesitate to tell the other. After a hug goodbye (which I made sort of awkward by instinctively half leaning in for a kiss and then pulling back, which we had a good laugh about) that was it. We haven't talked in person since, I sent her a text message asking if she wanted to maybe get out and do something, go for a walk, see a movie, whatever; she responded that she didn't feel she was ready for that sort of situation yet. I told her that is totally fine and that I'm not planning on dissappearing anywhere any time soon and that she had my number. Remember also that in a few years (yeah they are planning a long engagement) that I will be most likely standing opposite her as bridemaid while I'm bestman for my best friend at his and Ashley's sister's wedding.
Now, this weekend that just passed, I went to a concert with a few girls and guy friend of mine and low and behold, who do I run into at the concert but my ex girlfriend on a double date. Keep in mind how ironic this is because there are literally thousands of people at this concert though the band playing was one of our favorites. Now my ex girlfriend has very high standards in men (not to sound arrogant) but the guy she was with was hardly anyone I would expect her to ever really be with. Let me say he must have had an amazing personality. Now this was a really big out door concert so we were all spending time in the beer gardens when I spotted her, her date and their accompanying couple. They were probably a good 40 yards away from us, but for some unknown reason they all got up and decided to move to the table right next to us, not 10 feet away. I was there alone with just a guy friend (the girls were all in line for drinks) when they came up, and she proceeded to act really flirty and into this new guy and seemed to take no notice of me (I was trying not to look over). After about 5 minutes the 5 girls that we were with came and joined us bringing over all the beers they bought and after that point (according to one of the girls I was with) my ex and even her date would not stop looking over at me/us every 15 seconds it seemed. After a few songs like this they all decided to leave and walk away while I stayed with my group of friends. Her date and her came up just strolling along next to eachother but when they left she tried to awkwardly hold her hand. My best judgement makes me think it was a first, maybe second date. Let me also tell you that the 5 girls I with are all very attractive girls, one or two of which she was sort of jealous of during the relationship. They are all friends and strictly friends however and she knows that. I decided to be the bigger man and text her after she left, I told her that I saw her and that I wasn't sure if she had seen me (though I know she did) and that I apologize for not coming over to say hi but I didn't want to make anything awkward for her or her date. She ignored the text until the next morning to which she replied that she had seen me, but just as she was leaving and that she was also sorry that she had not tried to say hi. That was it for texting, I didn't write her back at all.
Now, as for me and Kristine (the girl I had been dating): well I broke up with her not too long after I posted this thread. I realized that I was still caught up in an ex and that is was not fair to her so I decided to end it before things got worse. She took it well and we are on good terms now. I am currently single but dating around with a few girls, just extremely casually. I'm not sure if my ex is dating around casually or is seriously seeing/interested in that guy she was with. I have no idea at all as to her situation. I have tried to cut myself off from her completely, mainly I have been telling my friend engaged to her sister not to give me any more news at all about her situation. I'm still trying really hard to move on but I'm finding I still miss her every day, almost 4 months without her and it's not getting easier. I'm not sad really anymore, just remorseful that the situation didn't work out. I don't hate her by anymeans, I still do love her and I probably always will. I have stopped thinking that by some sort of manner I will be able to change her mind and bring her back. I know that every attempt I try to get her to come back to me essentially serves as a means to push her further away. I haven't put away they idea though that someday we may reunite. I know how much she loved me, I've never had someone talk about marriage and children with me before, she had never discussed it before either but she did with me. I'm not intending to sit around and wait for her to realize what she is missing though, but I will be open to her if she does have something to tell me. Depending on the circumstances and my situation in life, I would probably heavy consider trying to start something again once we have matured independently. I don't know if this will ever happen. All of my friends and family seem to think she'll be coming back to me some day after she experiences a lot of the jerks out in the world (I treated her amazing and poured my heart into our relationship; it was the first relationship where I didn't put myself first, I wanted to do everything for her), I'm not so sure. I'm trying to take your advice and just accept that it won't happen and move on. That way if she doesn't come back I won't be dissappointed. And if she does come back she will be a welcome surprise, things will have happen naturally as they are supposed to, and this time we'd be really able to see if it's worth giving it another go.
Love is such a difficult thing. I went through my life before her really just abusing girls' feelings in relationships, never really caring, and just getting what I wanted. I honestly have to say I was really immature and not a good person when it came to relationships and love. If I never get this girl back, I can at least be happy that she changed me, I will never go back to those ways now that I have experienced true heart ache.
Thank you for responding to my last post Dan and Jennifer, your advice of just setting her free to do her own thing is the best advice I have recieved to date. I guess it just goes with that old addage, if you love something let it go right? If she comes back to me I'll know it was true and meant to be. And if not, well I'm a 22 year old soon to be dentist right? Haha, I'll find someone I'm sure. I just wanted to give you and update on my situation. If you wouldn't mind maybe trying to interpret some of her actions since my last post that would be absolutely fantastic because they have confused me, though I am still sticking to my guns on moving on until she tries to make a move, if she ever does.
Sincerely,
Rayro
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