For starters you have to tell him how you feel left out in these encounters. This is going to cause you problems with swinging and can damage your relationship drastically. Think or ask him of things you could do to improve this problem.
I think the ex-wife will be like that no matter what so there isn't really much you can do there.(from what I can see)
Finding other people is going to be tricky, thats because not everyone is into swinging. I would suggest asking him for help on this.
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Just trying to help as much as I can.
Please understand that I am trying to give you the best opinion that I can think of.
You can take my advice or leave it as you please.
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