Quote:
Originally Posted by Michele in Kentucky
Take it from someone who has been cheated on twice, we would rather you didn't try to hang on for the sake of our feelings or some promised relationship. We would rather be hurt now than devastated later. If you are having strong enough feelings for another girl that you are saying "damn" about your connection with her (damn in a "hot damn" good way), you are not ready to make a committment to someone else. When you speak about your girlfriend, I can actually hear the "hoo hum, I promised and I gotta stick to it" or "I'm gonna hurt her bad and I don't want to in your voice." I don't hear the "damn" when you talk about her. You may have committmet issues and if you do, this is also something you should work on BEFORE you go any further with your girlfriend. It sounds like you need to come clean and take a break to both work on your committment issues and to find out if there really is something between you and this other girl. But you most certainly don't need to move forward in your current relationship when you are having these feelings and when you feel like you "have to." If it is meant to be with your girlfriend, you need to fix yourself first. You owe that to her more than any "future promise" before any real committment has been made or the both of you will live to regret it. Hope I helped and wish you both the best.
|
Very true, indeed.
I mean i do love my girlfriend and believe me, i used to "damn" about her too, but since something changed, it's like i still have lots of really strong feelings about her, but she doesn't take my breath away you know?
and she's...she's awesome man. seriously, she's a really beautiful person that has really gone through a lot in life, and has still been able to succed and improve herself. she's really sweet and caring, inteligent and really capable and trustable.
My guess is that at some point I started seeing the "forever thing" like an obligation, when it really is something we decide by ourselves to follow. That is at least, one part of the problem i guess.
Of course my committment issue is another part of the problem too. I wish i'd known better how to deal with that cuz i feel that if i don't fix it will be haunting me during all my life, and i'll be sabotaging my own relationships (if i do get others). Maybe it's fear for only being with one person, maybe it's because i'm still young, but i'd really love to know how to deal with that.
About this other girl, well let me say that even though we do have this "chemestry" and this "friendship", i wouldn't say that we are completely best friends you know? to me it's more like a confusion: like i'm having problems now and this person seems to be having the answers that i look for, when it's actually just a way to run away from the problem AND I HATE DOING THAT! I wanna face this situation. Don't get me wrong, we're friends, but not that close. If i brokek up with my girlfriend today, i don't think i'd end up with her right away, as the matter fact i don't think i'd end up with her any time soon, it had to pass like a year minimum. I guess i just want to have that chemestry back with my gf. and there's somethin inside of me that doesn't let me be ok, that tells me that there's something wrong.
so what can i do to solve the committment issue? any other good advice besides this advice guys? i have told my Gf that i have this committement issue brought by fear but i don't really know how to work it out. i'd say it's the first time this happens to me, and honestly i just want her to be happy.
Thanks for the advice Michele, i'll try to do my best. I do agree that we shouldn't move foward, but i don't know about the "take break" cuz it would be like going back, and i do want to fix this, cuz she's a person who's worth doing it for and i still feel love for her. it just...i don't know whenever we kiss it's not the same: i used to be flying among clouds when we did that, now it's more like...just a kiss. and i do acknowledgethat at some point I took it like you said "I promised and I gotta stick to it" the thing is that, at that moment I felt really sure, why i'm not sure anymore? am i really that capricious? today i like someone, and tomorrow i like this other person? i mean: what kind of a person am I? I'd hate myself for being like that and not fixing it, which will destroy anything ahead of me.
so what do you think?