[Michelle from Pittsburgh]

What I wish I could say to his face:

"My first name is Michelle, but my middle name is not National, and my last name certainly is not Bank. But since you think my name is Michelle National Bank, as President/CEO, I must inform you that your application for a checking account with me has been denied. And that box of checks you ordered has been cancelled. That loan application has been denied as well. Michelle National Bank has a very strict policy about who opens an account here, and your credit history and employment history do not meet my standards. I have to watch my bottom line here, and you would be a liability to my bottom line. You have a extensive history of overdrawing your checking account, and taking out loans and not repaying them. I cannot have that happen here at Michelle National Bank. I am sorry, but I cannot do business with you. You will need to take your business elsewhere."

How's that for a breakup speech???