Hey Logan!
You're a tough man. I really admire you. And I understand you're afraid of what may happen in the future. Well, I know it might not be the same, but when your parents decided to have children they didn't knew what might happen. They took the risk, they had you: a beautiful person. And you might have beautiful siblings too. Or, the scientists took a risk and turned on the Particle Accelerator, knowing it might kill us all, but they want to know what might happen. Or you took risks everyday at high school, and elementary school and every single day, because you never know what might happen.
Incredibly, people are way nicer than you could expect. For many employers, you're just one employee more, and they treat you as any other employee, that is if you act like a normal employee. Self compassion should not be a part of yourself. Self esteem should.
The reasons your ex left you are legit: marriage is the toughest business in the world. If it is unbalanced, it won't work. I am not blaming you, but you should've pushed a little further.
Time to move on - if you didn't pushed further before, it is the time to do so. Understand something: You're beautiful as a person and no one should criticize you or make you down. The only way they can make you down is with your consent, so don't allow them!
About the girl: Get to know her a little more first. Don't rush into relationship, don't settle for comfortable. Don't let her control what you do or how you act. Keep it casual. If you both see a future in your friendship developing into something else, go for it. But don't rush the train, it might crash if you do so.
I don't expect you to get a whole big load of self-confidence overnight. Work on it. How? Meet friends. It is hard, for everyone is and it might be harder for you. Go to the local library, or video store, or any club nearby. Take Spanish or French lessons, or singing, or guitar, piano, you name it. Be socially active. You'll see that people are nicer than what you think. And if you have a negative response, well, they're the ones with the problems, not you. Accept the fact that they could change their attitude, when you might not change who you are easily. Accept that they can't diminish you, or that they can't define who you are to others and to yourself.
I am fighting a somewhat similar fight as yours - coming out. Well, if I get a negative response (none at the moment
) I would just move on. No need to dwell on someone else's not liking you, or accepting you, because you don't depend on that other person (Unless it is the World's King and Total dominator, something that won't happen anytime soon).
Smile! Everyday is a new day. A new page you write with the ink of adventure. Will you write today, or not? You, and just you, have the answer for that.
-Jean
Who is always here to talk
