[Steve in Ohio]

Dear Dan & Jennifer:
My marriage of 10 years was broken. My wife and I were merely living as roomates and barely talked about our real feelings. Our sex live was barely present. We were both "takers" in the relationship. Our 2 beautiful children were the only common bond between us. We both said the words "I love you" but we both really weren't "feeling it".

About 6 months ago, I started a relationship with another woman. It was amazing. We shared our thoughts, feelings, dreams and bodies. It was very romantic and exciting for both of us. I finally felt "alive".

At home, things were spinning downward to the point where my wife and I decided to leave work one day to "talk". We had a heart to heart. I told her about everything. My feelings, my wishes, my desires, my affair. We were finally communicating again. I felt a sense of relief. I was tired of lying and sneaking around.

After the initial shock of the affair, She embraced me and told me that she realizes we were broken but there is something worth saving here. I instantly fell in love with my wife again. Her open arms and willingness to work on us signaled old lost feelings I had for her. She had every right to to kick me out of the house. But she embraced me and told me that she is willing to work on our marriage If I was willing and able. My wife came back to me, we both recognize where we went wrong and are working on repairing our relationship. We've made more progress in our marriage in a few weeks than we have in years. We're seeking professional counseling and have booked a weekend marriage retreat.

I have cut off all contact with my lover, closed all email accounts, returned secret cell phones etc.. Saying goodbye to my Lover was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I long for her. I think about her constantly. I miss her and I know she misses me, but respects my decision to stay with my wife because she loves me enough to want me to be happy. Even at the cost of her own happiness.

It's only been 2 weeks 1 day and 3 hours since I said goodbye to my lover, but I hurt. I hurt not only for the loss of my lover, but I hurt because I know my longing for my lover hurts my wife. I don't want to hurt my wife and I don't want to hurt the future of my marriage, but I'm having problems letting go. My wife wants me to view the affair as a "mistake" and "foolish" so that we can move on and I can understand that, but I cannot turn off the feelings I have for my lover.

Can I be in love with 2 people at the same time? Please help!