We all get confused
Lostsoul,
Wow. I can certainly see why you would feel lost and confused. She not only dumped you but the kids, too! I feel sad for all of you. Your wife is obviously caught up in her own world right now and you and the kids don't exist for her, really. This suggests of course that she has been in a lot of pain that she has not been able to look at. Unfortunately you are locked out of her world. Sometimes people will do this when they are feeling bad about themselves, perhaps something they have done or feel guilty about, and they blame the other person as a defense mechanism. Friends can sometimes complicate matters because they have their own agenda and can slant how we interpret what is going on.
All you can do is to accept that she is in a lot of pain, too. Remaining out of the Victim place when she has been so horrible to you will be difficult, but just hold on to the reality of what you know about her. You love her and she is not a bad person, but her behavior right now is not so good.
Give her some distance but insist on counseling before you divorce. Most judges these days are for this, I think. Try as much as possible to remain open and curious about what she is feeling. Let her know you know she is hurting right now, too, and that you want to talk when she is ready. But realize that if she chooses to continue to shut you out there is nothing you can do but accept it.
Be very supportive and encouraging of her no matter what. Remaining non-defensive will help her remember who you are and why she loves you.
But whatever you do take care of yourself because your kids really need you right now. Get support through a divorce recovery group or a counselor but do get support. Your kids are depending on you keeping it together while your wife goes through this difficult time.
Good luck and let me know if you guys need some advice about therapists, or any thing else. Get my book to help you understand how the dynamics relationships work.
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