My boyfriend and I aren't ready yet to practice vaginal sex, but of course since we've gotten quite physical there is a lot of sexual arousal that never gets a release. I've never been in a physical relationship before and I never incorporated oral sex into my personal fantasies, so I'm so unaccustomed to the idea I'm afraid to try it or to let him try it on me yet. I'm horrifically shy in some ways, and a lot slower than he is at growing comfortable with things. But I really want to give him that release, so I'm trying to learn as fast as I can. Any suggestions for how to get used to the idea of it would be useful.
Also, along with being a bit shy, I'm pretty weird about being feminine when I'm doing sexual things. I don't know if I'm explaining very well...I guess growing up I always saw my mother's thong panties and black lace and so on and I think it just embarrassed me and grossed me out, so I have a bad association in my head with that kind of seductive, naughty, Victoria's Secret sort of look. I have a hard time finding myself in all the sexual activities my boyfriend and I get into because I have to undo previous associations with the things I'm doing, and then find a way to still be myself while doing the things that please him. And he's been a doll about it, but he's turned on by things like stripping and my skirt being pulled up seductively, etc...and as you can probably see, that's hard for me.
Help!
Any thoughts/ideas would be appreciated!!
Thank you so much!