Let me say i have been in some realy bad relationship were he has hit me. It alway startes with one hit and they say im sorry and i want do it again or they blame it on you, that you made them do it. That is such bullshit. If he loves you he will not hit you at all. And what every he says its not your fault. So dont blame your self.Its all on him , he is the one with the issuses.So i know you will leave when you want to, there is alot of help for you when you get ready to leave him. So dont be afraid to leave , no one will be mad at you, and in the long run you will be happy.
So dont be afraid at all to leave. Iknow you said that you dont want to leave him because you love him but the truth is he doent love you. Because if he did he would not him you. So just think about it and dont let him end up killing you .