Atticus,
I must say, this is quite the soap opera you've created for yourself. You seem to have all these emotions for this woman, yet from what I gather, you haven't even kissed her yet!
First, I don't think there is anything wrong with being in a relationship with a much older woman. I have an aunt who is ten years older than my uncle and they are very much in love. I've even been intimate with some older women myself. However, your situation seems extreme, not because she is 25 years older than you but because it seems like she has a TON of baggage (dead husband, kids, jealous ex boyfriend, etc.) If you truly do want to be with her, you are going to have to deal with A LOT more drama than a normal guy in his early 20s.
Second, this almost sounds like an unhealthy obsession rather than love. From what you've written, it seems that you haven't had sex with her, haven't kissed her, and mostly just flirt and look at her cleavage.
She obviously knows that you are attracted to her and it seems that she likely would have escalated the relationship by now. My guess is that she's simply keeping you around and flirting with you because it makes her feel good that a younger guy is attracted to her.
You are what is called an "orbiter." This is basically a guy that hangs around a woman all the time, will do anything for her, yet will get no intimacy in return. You are simply there to serve her and make her feel good about herself. I'm sorry, it's probably not what you wanted to hear but that's how it looks from my perspective.
There are two things you can do:
- Grow a sack and make a move already. When you are alone with her and flirting, just go in for a kiss. If she reciprocates, then you know she likes you more than platonic and then you can escalate the relationship further. If she rejects your kiss, then you know she only likes you as friend and at least you'll know that it's the end of this relationship. You can save your time and move on to finding someone else.
- Or you can stop seeing her altogether, cut her off completely for a month or two. Go out and have fun with your friends, go on a bunch of dates, meet some new women. Then after a month or two of this, if you are still having feelings for this woman, then go back to step 1. If not, then you know that it was just a passing phase, brought on by your raging hormonal desire to sleep with an older woman.
That's all I got. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.