First...I am always one to say...be careful with threesomes. Your relationship sounds like it is doing good now, but it seems scary that you have had so many problems in the past. Threesomes can make it all worse.
However, I have had a few (before I was married) where I was the "extra" girl. I joined couples who were on adult friend finder. I have several things to say. First, you should pay to be a part of the site because it will work a lot better for you then just a free membership. Second, do a lot of talking and make sure your wife is in charge. That will make it easier.
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