ET, I'm not Dan and Jenn, but I couldn't resist taking a stab at this one... I hope you don't mind.
First off, the name calling. That's actually common. My fiancee and I have a friend who really gets off with name calling and rough sex. It's just her thing. I think everyone enjoys this somewhat at least on occassion... and for others it is simply their kink. I always say whatever floats your boat, as long as no one gets seriously hurt (a reddened bottom is OK
) In my experience I've seen that men and women who have high powered careers tend to enjoy being submissive in the bedroom. You say you're a proud feminist, and this can be the same thing as a high powered career... people as a general rule, like to kick off their shoes and loosen their ties when they're home (literally and figuratively). And sometimes this includes doing some of the opposite things of which they do all day. Hence, feminist by day, whore in bed (I'm using that word from your list of enjoyed words, not calling you names
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And as far as the incest feelings, I wouldn't say that is uncommon either. A lot of women have daddy fantasies. Since you say you do not see your own father this way I don't feel there's any problems with it. This is pretty natural I think. As a child your father played with you, taught you things, and punished you when you were bad... now as an adult, you probably just want a "Daddy" to do the same things, only in a sexual way.
Both of these things together tell me you are leaning to the submissive side. I would suggest checking out one of the many adult personals sites which also deal with fetish lifestyles. I think if you explore these things with someone you can trust that you will find you can enjoy your subby side without fear that you are weird or that there is anything wrong with you.
Good luck, and keep us posted. (Also looking forward to seeing other people's thoughts on your question)