Are You Dom or Sub? Sexual Compatibility in the Bedroom

[Dan And Jennifer]

“Harder,” I whispered in the dark. He tried to oblige and picked up the pace a bit. “Harder!” I asked again. I needed it rough. With that he stopped mid-thrust and it was game over for the night. “I can’t treat you like that,” he said with disgust. I felt like a freak. This was [...]

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[Cuerdista]

The opening paragraph is an example of topping from the bottom. She is talking about training a man to please her in one sentence. In the next paragraph she talks about a man giving her a needed spanking. I don't know much about this dom-sub stuff, but I believe it is always the dom who does the training.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Originally Posted by Cuerdista

I don't know much about this dom-sub stuff, but I believe it is always the dom who does the training.

By our very nature we're always learning and growing, every one of us. In a relationship, we're always learning from one another - it's not a one way street.

The full article actually explains that rather well.

[Cuerdista]

Originally Posted by Dan And Jennifer

By our very nature we're always learning and growing, every one of us. In a relationship, we're always learning from one another - it's not a one way street.

The full article actually explains that rather well.

Actually the article does not explain that at all. The article is an overview of one person's interpretation of D/s. I do not practice D/s myself. I see it as a romantic fantasy that does not go with the reality of trying to keep my wife on par with me in our relationship. The thing about the D/s people that I know in real life, people that I know from our local BDSM club and from the worldwide BDSM scene is that they would all frown upon the idea of a submissive saying give me more and the Dominant complying. They are all caught up in issues of what they consider power and control. They believe that the Dominant has the power and control over aspects of the submissive's life even beyond the sexual. The degree of control theoretically varies from couple to couple. They do not see anything contradictory in their belief that the Dom exercises all the power and control and their belife that the submissive is the one with the real power because the sub can end a scene ( what they call their sex or play session) by saying the "safeword." It is all very confusing because many of the D/s folk will state that the sub is the one with the real power because of the safeword and in the next breath tell you that D/s has nothing to do with S&M.
They call people like myself, who enjoy B&D and S&M but are not into the D/s fantasy, vanillas and mere kinksters. OF course this is a generalization, there are D/s people out there who understand that what they are doing is just an extended sort of role playing and have no problem with people who are into kinky sex.
If you want to be spectator to a long, loud, passionate and unresolvable argument get a room full od D/s-ers talking about what D/s is! The onlñy thing they might agree on is that situation in the opening paragraph of the article in question, in which the self proclaimed submissive is giving directions and training partners, cannot be considered correct D/s because it is the submissive directing the actions of the would be Dominant.

[rcklsbrg]

There are also people that fall in the middle of the two main groups of Doms and subs that have a 50-50 shot of being in the D/s sort of thing. They are called "switches" because they can, more or less, switch their persona in order to satisfy themselves along with their partner at the time.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Originally Posted by rcklsbrg

There are also people that fall in the middle of the two main groups of Doms and subs that have a 50-50 shot of being in the D/s sort of thing. They are called "switches" because they can, more or less, switch their persona in order to satisfy themselves along with their partner at the time.

Welcome! Great point, thanks for adding that!

[Exavion]

I've always been attracted to both of them. Why limit your experiences to one category anyhow?