how do i get my husband to come futher out the box

[michelle]

My husband and I have tried a little BDSM. He says he likes it, and he has bought some toys to go along. He has also expressed some interest in the outfits. I have watched all he says about it and, he knows i'm comfortable with the idea. But when asked about it or if we really look at it together he acts as if hes scared. but will openly talk about any other sex topic. Around his friends he seems like its no big deal to talk about, and he express that he likes it. but how do i get him to talk to me, or go to the next step, because i have done all i can think of.

[Xero]

You should sit down and talk with him about it. How you are open to the idea of doing it. But as you started you tried everything.

If you have really no other option, next time your about to have sex, or before you can create your own thing, and just wip out w/e things you have. Try that and see his response, but only if your up for it. (it's just a suggestion)

I think talking would be the best choice, but if nothing else works just surprise him and see if that works.

[michelle]

Originally Posted by Xero

You should sit down and talk with him about it. How you are open to the idea of doing it. But as you started you tried everything.

If you have really no other option, next time your about to have sex, or before you can create your own thing, and just wip out w/e things you have. Try that and see his response, but only if your up for it. (it's just a suggestion)

I think talking would be the best choice, but if nothing else works just surprise him and see if that works.

talking he tries to work round the bush but i have seen him look at websites and he has bought a restaint system and if i start he sees were im going then goes along he seems to like it. but its like tabo to talk about or something

[Beagle]

There are two types of fear. One is fear of something that can actually hurt us. The other is neurotic fear; fear that comes from a lack of understanding of something. The best way to address fear is through knowledge. Weren't you scared the first time you rode a bicycle? I'll bet your dad or whoever didn't take you onto a busy highway. You started small, and pretty soon you're riding like a pro.

If you provide him with accurate information on what you're wanting and allow him to enter the metaphorical water slowly, I don't think you'll have any problems. He will find the limits with which he is comfortable. I think you just ask for a little at a time and be very understanding and patient.

[Cuerdista]

Michelle it sounds as if he wants to explore BDSM, but isn't completely convinced that it's alright with you or maybe he is convinced that it's alright with you yet still has some fear that there is something wrong with wanting to do that sort of thing. It's a toughie without knowing all the details. As other posters have already said, you and he need to talk about it. Maybe you should investigate in your area to see if there is a BDSM community. Among the things that local communities do is hold events for newbies and for people who have doubts and concerns like you and your husband have. Consider it a support group. There is nothing like knowing what other people do to open one's mind up to possibilities. There are lots of clichés in the BDSM community. One of my faves goes: if you see us in public we are indistinguishable from any other couple.

[Rogue Lady]

I have been through a similar situation. My husband wanted to participate, but didn't want to discuss it with me. After a few conversations I realized that he didn't want to admit he knew very little about it. Since I came into the relationship with previous BDSM experience, I was able to tell him what I wanted him to do and he happily followed instructions.

I have also seen situations where one partner doesn't want to talk about it because they think the other person will find their particular kink too odd or beyond their limits and break up with them. If that is the case, reassure him that nothing is too taboo to talk about and you really want to work with him. It might also help to find a good bdsm questionnaire for him to fill out. He can do that on his own time and give it to you later.

In any relationship that involves BDSM, it's very important to be open and honest about what you want. Otherwise, you're both left unsatisfied and emotionally hurt.

[theresa]

you would be amazed how often people are in tune with you and you dont even notice....the fact hes tried means he very interested.....men really dont go looking to try something thats going to ruin the sex for the evening,so if he dabbled in bdsm its quite likely hes very into it.....but he may be afraid youll think hes to dominant,or that if he shows interest and you dont hell scare you into thinking he may force you,this is a very very difficult area to talk about,any fetish has a possiblity to make the person youre discussing it with think youre a freak because people usually dont understand the workings of sexual quirks,and if you try to explain why you like it youll lose every time,dont justify it,say this is what i like can you do this....i am very into bdsm i am a very submissive slave in the bedroom but never so outside,my husband played a bit with it,a smack here a throat fuck there,until i wrote him a letter once and told him how when i masterbated i was thinking of how he would choke me and throatfuck me at the same time and that i wanted him to do that more and harder .....well he changed that night,and i had to hide the whip marks from my family,but i was never in my life so sexually fulfilled......you see it turned out he was just as into it,but never thought he could really run with it .thank god i wrote that letter .you can craft such a note that will let him read and process in private,if he has it in him to be that man he will take action immediately.....isnt a minute of uncomfortableness going to be worth the sexual gratification youve been craving?