Foreplay and BDSM

[Queezbella718]

Hey, My Fiance and I will be together for 2 years on the 24th day of September 2008, and we have a really great sex life. We are into just about everything, and like trying new things. The only problem is, I love BDSM, and he is not a big fan of it. He likes to dominate me, but he changes his mind all the time about getting him into it. I have a bisexual side, and he is bicurious, he likes me using toys in his anus but he's shy about it. I enjoy Candle wax, Handcuffs, Fishnet outfits,spanking, Anal, crops, Fur, double penetration,being taken advantage of and i slowly like getting my fiance into it, but he just likes be the dominate one, not the dominated one. I feel like he has no trust in me, Its not like I will take it far, I know his limits but he just dont talk about it and says he just dont like it. He used to like being slapped in the face (lightly), He likes candle wax poured on him, but when I tie him up, he just gives me all the what not to do's and I dont know what to do. THis is my fetish, and i feel that most of his fetish side is all talk because he used to go to fetish clubs, swinger clubs and now he dont like that? What do i do, help me Dan and Jennifer?????????
~>Chrissy

[Dan And Jennifer]

I'm not sure that I followed everything you were saying but it feels like one of two things to me...

1. Maybe you tried to push him a little too far, a little too fast and he's pulling back
or
2. He was just doing it to please you hoping that you would get over it eventually...

Either way, you cannot and should not try to persuade someone into doing something that they're uncomfortable with and do not enjoy. Where's the fun in that?

Also, this may be triggering some emotional issues from childhood that he's repressed and may not be ready to deal with...

Just be patient with him.

If this type of play is REALLY important to you, ask yourself if you should really get married to someone who's not into it? I'm not trying to convince you one way or another - just asking the questions for you to answer...

[Saishuu]

Try something new and different, he could have different hang-up about lots of things.

Perhaps he doesn't like the pain. Try non painful domination techniques & don't tie him up. Try making him lick your feet, or your sit on his face, they are both not painful but will stimulate his submissive gland no-end.

Perhaps he doesn't like being restrained...

and it sounds good that he tells you what not to do but doesn't tell you what to do,

my fiancée and I have this problem, I'm quite creative & dominant & she is the opposite, but I like to switch, we get this weird situation where she doesn't know what to do, because I say "don't do this this & this".

They say don't top from the bottom, but in that situation I'd be quite happy with ANYTHING she thought of that was new.

Read up and try something new. What about a feeding him a gross food he hasn't tried while he is restrained, threaten to punish him with something you know he doesn't like if he doesn't eat it? what about feeding him jellied tenticle or cooked house spider?

I'm sure you can find many disgusting yet-safe things on the internet, think like that tv show fear factor.

Im sure

[Sub In Tenn]

Originally Posted by Queezbella718

Hey, My Fiance and I will be together for 2 years on the 24th day of September 2008, and we have a really great sex life. We are into just about everything, and like trying new things. The only problem is, I love BDSM, and he is not a big fan of it. He likes to dominate me, but he changes his mind all the time about getting him into it. I have a bisexual side, and he is bicurious, he likes me using toys in his anus but he's shy about it. I enjoy Candle wax, Handcuffs, Fishnet outfits,spanking, Anal, crops, Fur, double penetration,being taken advantage of and i slowly like getting my fiance into it, but he just likes be the dominate one, not the dominated one. I feel like he has no trust in me, Its not like I will take it far, I know his limits but he just dont talk about it and says he just dont like it. He used to like being slapped in the face (lightly), He likes candle wax poured on him, but when I tie him up, he just gives me all the what not to do's and I dont know what to do. THis is my fetish, and i feel that most of his fetish side is all talk because he used to go to fetish clubs, swinger clubs and now he dont like that? What do i do, help me Dan and Jennifer?????????
~>Chrissy

Before we got into the hardcore spanking and bondage we made sure we had a safe word.My first spanking I would blurt out ouch! and my master/mistress would ask if it was too much.I finally had to tell I did not use the safe word.I finally got the spanking that turned my bottom red[which i love].that could be the case,or maybe he has lost interests in this and nobody can be forced without consent.seems you like to switch?maybe you let him take you to a new level.I also just like to be leashed and lead,put on my knees and pulled into my mistress's bottom[licking her ].one of our group likes to leash his penis[c**k ring and slapped],or bring in a third or fourth party,just an example.Then there's...how about a talk.Good luck,Sub