do you think we should break up? he's not making time for me...

[corinne]

me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and he is on a volunteer rescue squad and he is constanly going up there and always pulling calls. there is never anytime for me and him anymore and i feel like i am second. i have told him how i feel and he said he would only pull call during week except for whensday so me and him could be together on whensday and on week end. well he has been saying that for 2 months now and we fight about it all the time. i just want him to stick to his word. what can i do to get him to stick to his word. and do you think that we should break up? thanks

[scarbowl]

That's a tough one. I assume he has been volunteering for a long time and you're basically asking him to stop. At some level, though, he is saying that he'd rather spend time at the fire department than spend it with you.

One way in this, though, is to make it an ultimatum. Let him know that you know the fire department is important to him. But with a job and this "hobby" he is away a lot and you can't have that kind of relationship. Also, that it is hard for you because you love him and don't want to make him choose. But you can't be happy with him if he isn't there and if he isn't there you don't really have a relationship.

Therefore, he has to choose between the fire department and you. You don't like having to do that but you are too unhappy as it is. And if he quits with the FD he can't hold it over you - this is a choice he is making. If he chooses you then he can't keep talking about it, sulk, be angry, etc. And if he doesn't choose you the, well......

In short, give him the choice. Don't just dump him. Let him decide - time with you or time with the guys. But it's all or nothing.

[Yioti]

Honestly i heard this thing on the radio about the types of guys women should not go out with and the "work-a-holic" was #1 on the list. I don't mean to offend you, him or your relationship, but if he has been saying this for a while now and nothing has changed chances are it won't. Being that i was once like that myself i know, i realized it after me and my ex-girlfriend broke up.

when you get a chance sit him down and tell him straight up that he needs to make time for you, don't demand it but, don't give him much slack to play with it ( i know its contradicting) and if his behavior doesnt change after a serious talk, i don't know what else to say to help...

[InnerCircleofFault]

Thinking you can make someone change by giving an ultimatum is a mistake. You have every right to express your feelings and to be happy in a relationship but your happiness is your responsibility.

Can you be happy with who he is as he is now? Or do you look at him and say he'd be perfect if he' d just change XY or Z? find someone who fits you and has imperfections you can love as well.

Ask for what you want but remember you can't change him and move on if he won't work with you on this and you're unhappy.