my wife wants divorce due to an affair

[dkrazyspook1]

be prepaired to read sorry. when i was in high school i began dating my wife. we ended up having a child while in high school and she was kicked out of high school. i left her once while she was pregnant but returned to her. we were supposed to have a wedding but i got cold feet and called it of, i know how bad that hurt her. we stayed a pert for a little while and she dated and 'GOT TOGETHER"with my best friend. after a long tear filled night( for both of us ) we decided to get back together and get married then have a wedding later. we did and i moved into her parents house with her.when i moved in with her i had one job and we did not have alot of money, and had a car that she could not drive and wouldnt start all the time. i ended up working 80 hours a week between to jobs and would buckle under stress, i would get irritated very easily and yell we even got physical with each other but never hurt each other. i n my spare time we would go with my wife to my friends house. i know i was very neglegant to her, mean , rude and would never spend money on her like i used to and would never do anything she wanted to( for example when i got irritated i would say very bad things to her when i knew it would hurt her.) either befor our mattiage lasted a year she began to see someone else, a friend of ours. she kept it hidden but not well. when i seen she wasnt happy and tried spending more time with her buy her things she wanted after she graduated she got a job (with the guy she was seeing) so i took money i had saved up and bought her a car. because i knew she was seeing someone i tried keeping her from her friends. for three night we argued, i think she was trying to say she wanted to leave but didnt know how. on the third night i found a text message in our phone that proved my suspitions correct, after arguing with her about it she said she didnt love me anymore and sisnt want to be with me. now four months have gone by she has filed for divorce and has made it so i only see my daughter two days a week for a few hours. everyone knows what happened but she still denies having an affair or dating this guy even though they are always with each other. i was very immature know even if i call her for a reason she use a 500 dollar phone bill as an excuse to end our conversation. it seems like she has no regrets about leaving me like she did in the beginning of this and she is trying to forget we were ever together. i regret everything i did and it kills me knowing that becuase of it i lost someone i really care about. i think she thinks very low of me but i didnt know it was possible for someone who cared so much to not care. now she looks happy, and even uses his last name. do you think theyre relation ship will work out?and do you think there would ever be a chance of us getting back together?

[Saishuu]

I can see you've been hurt by her alot. Sounds like she would not admit she had an affair because she doesn't believe she did anything wrong.

The human brain is like that. Even Al Capone when he went to prison didn't believe he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was helping people. Sometimes people know when they are doing something wrong, but alot of people can't see it even when told.

Anyway who knows if their relationship will work out? Even if she looks miserable when you see her she may have enough happiness to justify her relationship to herself, if that is the case she will stay.

Also you could well get back together, this thing happens alot and that outcome is a distinct possibility.

Since she is the one divorcing you, If I were you I'd focus on getting as much custody of your kid as possible, make your lifestyle as good as possible to give you the most advantage, then the courts can force more time for you at least.

Then after that's settled you can focus on uncertain things like getting back with her & whatnot.

[newbie3]

You ask for advice but do you really want to hear the advice that we may give you? If you are read on...If not stop here.
Your first question was would her new relationship work? any thing is possible. She could have recovered quickly from this doomed marriage or she could be bringing baggage from it into this new relationship which may cause strain in the long run. No matter what, she appears to be moving on with her life and has come to terms with her mishaps,...i think u should do the same. The second question was, if there was a chance of u getting back together....Anything worth getting is worth working for and whats worth having is worth keeping. Unfortunately u didnt work hard enough to keep her. Now you will have to work even harder to get her back. If she does not love you then I dont think trying to buy her things will buy her back. Without love no marriage will survive. Your problms in this relationship started way before you married. Once a woman has made up her mind sometimes you are better off starting anew. I believe that you need to work on the stuff you did wrong so that when you enter into a new relationship you wont make the same mistakes. You should never get physical with a woman or degrade her. That in herself can make the once held love she had for you...disintegrate. Love is out there, but are you ready to find it?. Consult an attorney for custody related issues and heal your emotional and mental state of mind.

[nobsdivorce]

Get some counseling first of all. It does not have to be expensive, there are low income options with counseling. Call your local family planning agency or a large church.secondly, be honest with each other. Always. Not just in what you do but in how you feel about everything. Politeness is the first step to ignorance.

[rob]

Sorry in advance.
I doubt you'll be able to get back together. You were possessive, rude, cruel-in short, the reeason the marriage failed. However-take responsiblity. Tell her you admit to being like this-and say sorry. This is the most likely way.
And their relationship seems stable. Wait until it ends (If it does) before you tell her how you feel.
Don't tell her before they 'break up', otherwise she'll be even less likely to get back together with you.

Sorryabout this, I really am, but you might have ruined your chances.
I hope it works for you though.