Did I break up for a good reason ?

[JoshInIdaho]

Dear Dan and Jen,

I have recently left a relationship, of reasonable length and I am Wondering if I made the right choice.
We were together for four months, though we had known each other for a year before we began dating, when she cheated on me.
I had been in a car wreck on a weekend vacation, had another family crisis besides, and responded shortly to a text from her when she told me she was spending the night with a freind whom she had already cheated on a previous boy freind with.

I told her what happend to me, and asked her if we could talk about what she was doing when I got back into town. She said of course, then informed me the next night that she was staying with him and drinking as well again the next night.

I told her I was upset, but after all that had happend I could not talk about it in a civilised manner, and that she had to leave me alone for a day or two. She said "I can't take this" (being ignored) and I said "To bad. I don't want to deal with this when I'm upset" Evidentaly she took that to mean we were over.

When I called her two days later she acted as if we were over our little tiff, but very distant and withdrawn, only when I layed eyes on her in one of my best freinds arms did I realize she decided we were not together.

I was rather hurt, but managed to stay calm and left them to themselves. A month later she decided she wanted me back. I cared for her quite a bit and obliged. But I could not find her as physicaly attractive. Despite my feelings for her, and my affection I could desire her as I had when I was still tending my wounds.

To make matters worse, the freind she cheated on me, well dropped me for took my sisters virginity. Obviously some time before this all took place, but call me a stupid male, but I felt extremley devalued.

When I found out she never left him, and had another boy freind besides, I left her for good. She has tried to get back with me sense, but i can't let her back in. The problem is, I still love her.

Is this something I should try to get over ? Or did I make the right choice and time will heal all things ?

[Kurious_cpl]

Look, i know what it i to love someone who is bad for you. My ex-wife was the same way. It sounds like this girl has serious commitment issues. I know you feel if you just love her enough, she will see it and she will stay with you. But the truth is, as noble a gesture as it is, nothing you do, no amount of feelings or love you show will change her. There is nothing you can o to shange who she is, time heals all wounds, but before time can begin to heal a wound, you first have to pull your hand out of the fire. Your heart will never heal if you keep it uner the jack hammer. Cut all ties with her. Time heals wounds, time also changes people. Someday she may grow up an realize what she had in you. But then again she may not. You have to focus on you. Just like a person who has been in a tramatic accident has to heal and undergo therapy, you have to heal. Moving on with your life and meeting new people is your therapy. Unless you get yourself emotionally straight, you will compare every relationhip you will ever be in to thi one, and trust me, that is one problem you dont want. So, cut contact, focus on yourself, get out and meet new people and have fun with life. You have my best wishes and good luck.