Will she ever come back?

[Yaz]

My girl friend left me overnight for another guy. We loved each other much. She left my state a month ago to go back to her home state. The days before we break up we could call each other more than 5 times a day and talk for hours. She always said she worried I will meet better girl than her and just leave her. But she kept telling me I could trust her forever. She is 22, I am 29.

When ask why she said she can't handle long distance relationship and said she also met a new guy she might be interesting in. She said she loved me a lot and wand us now to be friends.

I was devastated ( and still is). the first days I tried to discuss and we decide to talk about few days later. When she called last sunday and said agin that her mind haven't change, I said I love her ( she said she loved me too) but if she wanna quit, that's fine with me. I thanks her for our past relationship and said we should move on. Well done..

But only God knows how much it is hurting me. I already erased her emails and phone number ( I don't recall none of them right now). because I know if i had those number I may put myself in a begging situation.

Please help, will she come back?

[Dan And Jennifer]

Hey there.

Long distance relationship are tough and not every can handle it. We are social beings and want physical contact with others. It seems to me that she just isn't cut out for this type of relationship. She's also very young... It also sounds like she's very emotionally insecure, so she needs someone right there beside her to constantly reassure her.

I think you did the right thing by getting rid of her emails and numbers. That's the best way to move forward. Try to accept the pain that you're feeling as a normal part of the process, but please don't hold on to the idea of her coming back. If she did, I don't think she would stay very long... (That's just the feeling I get - of course I have no way of really know what's going on inside her head.)

[Yaz]

Thank you for your answer. Day after day I feel better. It seems to me that I will never be able to forget her. Whenever I see a couple on the street or in a club I become very sad because it reminds me of her. My problem is I really don't have a good friend ( boy or girl) to socialize with in a daily basis so I can forget easily.

Tomorrow is her birthday, thanks God I don't have her number or emails, I would be sending her email or calling her ( the last thing I need).

[The Beautiful Kind]

Isn't it AMAZING how much breakup pain hurts? Almost like being insane and grieving over a death. I've gone through it a couple times, and the only thing I've found that has helped is to let time pas and perform private little rituals that might be immature and petty, like drawing mean pictures or writing angry letters you never send or burning date mementos like ticket stubs. It feels great once you can look back at that period of time and feel OK about it and let go of the bitterness.

From the book "The Unbearable Lightness of Being":

"The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. The heaviest of burdens is therefor simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burdens, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become."

[Mac]

Long distance relationships are very difficult to cultivate and keep alive. The fact that she has self esteem issues is indicated by her telling you all those times how worried she was that you would find someone else. The way I see it she is either a) giving you a lame excuse for her own guilt or b) has a lot of self esteem issues and does not seem to be able to trust a man in a long distance relationship.

The truth is distance and absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it's a doubled edged sword. It can work against you probably a lot worse then it can work for you.