Is he breaking up for me, or for him?

[Lilith Hades]

My boyfriend and I broke up about a few weeks ago.

We had been in a long-distance relationship for a couple of months, and I had been having a few family problems of my own, so if there was any behaviour change in my ex-boyfriend before the breakup, I was probably too upset to notice.
He just suddenly broke up with me and he wouldn't really tell me the reason, but after that he kept on telling me to be happy and saying that I would be better off without him. Did he break up because he thought that it was his fault I was upset, or did he break up simply because he was fed up of me?

And in either case, why won't he just tell me so, instead of being secretive about it?

(Oh and he still contacts me from time to time, and I get confused because he still talks to me like we're dating, which is not really normal.)


Help please?
~Lilith

[Beagle]

I wouldn't put too much stock in him saying he was doing it for you. That's what guys say when they're breaking up with someone so they don't have to feel as guilty about breaking up with her. Alternative versions of that include "You're too good for me."

It sounds like you're still worrying about him. He's a big boy and he made a choice. You don't need to feel sorry for him. Believe me, the dumpee always hurts worse than the dumper! Chances are about 85% that he was breaking up with you to see someone else. Sorry. Time to move on.

[Terry in Chicago]

Dealing with break up pain, any way that you look at it, is not going to be an easy or enjoyable task. A lot of people incorrectly believe that they will be able to manage their heartbreak, only to find out that carrying a torch for someone after a love affair is a lot like grieving, at least if you look at the relationship as having passed on. When it comes to dealing with a broken intimate relationship, it is important that you look past the pain and find a way to survive even when things seem impossible for the time being.

Relationship breakup puts a lot of people through fear and misery. Some of the people going through these feelings have no one in the world to turn to, and this is why people suffer so hard from heartbreak in the first place. Dealing with break up pain all by yourself can seem impossible at first, but consider how many people deal with love and loss in their lives and survive to talk about it. You too will be able to get over what feels like a crippling break up, but only if you are willing to deal with heartbreak pain the right way, and the healthy way for that matter.

So why is the pain from a lost love break up so difficult? Because when dealing with a break up, it will seem as if you are the only one who has suffered the kind of pain you’re going through. It is important that you continue to try to heal rather than allowing yourself to give up on the situation. Dwelling on the painful split from your lover will not help you, so instead you should work on getting better and moving on, which will allow you to stop dealing with break up pain and start dealing with moving on and finding someone new, perhaps even someone that has a better dynamic with you.

* Spend time with your friends and let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak.

* Don't dwell on the bad feelings, but focus on the good parts of your life in order to promote healing.

Your friends will probably realize that you're going through something serious, and they will more than likely dedicate themselves to trying to help you through it. If this is the case, don't blow them off, because going out and spending time with your friends and the people that you care about will be extremely helpful when it comes to dealing with break up pain. Everyone goes through a period where they are dealing with break up pain, because everyone goes through a breakup. Rather than allow yourself to suffer while dealing with breaking up pain, what you should do is enjoy yourself and work on healing rather than allowing yourself to become stressed out, overwhelmed or depressed by your heartbreak.

I hope this helps you in understanding your break up relationship!

[DeathPhantom]

Does he seem upset about the breakup? If he does seem upset.. Maybe his parent's made him break up with you.. Happened to me, exactly how you described your breakup.