Long-Distance break-up..

[Chefcaffy]

My ex. bf and I have been dating for 3 and a half years before he called it quits 2 months ago. Needless to say I'm devastated and heartbroken. We have been in a long distance relationship as he moved to Hong Kong and I to Taiwan after we finished college and have been in a LD relationship for the past 6 months. I never saw it coming, and I understand that a long-distance relationship is hard, but I don't know what happenend. I asked him if he's dating anyone new, or what caused it and he can't give me a straight answer. Im truly devastated and I don't know if I should move to his city, or just start over again. He's been rather distant and harsh to me over the phone lately, so I'm wondering if I can get him back into my life? or face the reality that it is really over. I moved to where I live because of work, and we have gone through long-distance before but what went wrong? this time? Job stress? help me.. because I still love him. ;-(
Thanks so much!!

C

[jeanintro*quitex]

Well, I am sorry first of all. Breaking up... sucks!

Ok, time to move on girl. Yes, it may sound hard and heartless, but you tried to talk with him and you've recieved no answer. It is not a matter of you, it is a mater of him. Begging for an answer will only hurt you more and more, since it is unlikely for him to tell you what is really going on. I mean, if he would want you to know, he would have already explained himself!
I know that you love him and yes, you will be a little sad and down for a while, and there is no better time to give you time for *yourself*. Do things you enjoy and that you can do by yourself: rent a movie, order your favorite food and have a 'yourself' time. Let the wound heal. Please do not try and jump on another relationship right away, because it may hurt you even more in the long run.
Follow your heart and think with your brains. I know you will do fine. And if he ever decides to call you, do not be harsh! Human beings are complex individuals, and if he wants to explain himself, let him do. But if you feel you're over him, there is no need to turn back in time and waste more time with someone you know has already broken your heart.
Hun, be strong. You are strong. And we care about you. Keep us posted. I know everything will be fine.
-Jean

[~Amanda~]

Yikes. I hate it when they don't give you a clear reason for the break up. It's very immature and rude...

Three and a half years is such a very long time, too. It's completely understandable for you to feel lost and upset when a person that you've been closed to for so long distances himself from you.

I don't think that you should relocate from Taiwan to Hong Kong to get him back though... A move like that would be so expensive and possibly destructive to your career. If he is not treating you well over the phone now, I don't know how he different he would be in person...

You certainly shouldn't surprise him by showing up in his city. If you're really set on the idea, discuss it with him. See if the problem really is the distance before you travel to see him. If he is still cold to you, then I think that you should take Jean's advice and move on.

[Chefcaffy]

Thanks everyone for your advice and support! Yeah we still talk on the phone...and he's not mean or nasty to me. It's just somedays he's very nice to me..and considers my move good and thinks we can date again in the future, but somedays he's telling me to move to Hong Kong for reasons other then himself. I'm so confused and Im so afraid of talking to him on the phone as the fear of rejection is too strong. I know he's not dating anyone new, all I know is he is very busy at work and he's burnt out and stressed about because as new graduates from college we all have to work our way up. Yes ...3.5 years is a long time..and I just turned 27..so Im afraid ...I won't ever be happy again...

[Dan And Jennifer]

I don't know if you realize this or not, but you are holding on to this relationship out of fear, not love. The fear that you will not meet someone new.

You said it yourself that you are 27, which means you've been dating for just over 10 years. The average life span these days is just over 70 years. So do you really think that it's realistic to say that you will not love anyone else for the next 40+ years?

I understand that breaking up, or losing someone for what ever reason (we just lost our German Shepherd of 10 years), really sucks because we feel empty inside and there's this heaviness that drags you down, your energy and zest for life feels like it's gone.

Here's the catch. Trying to hold onto something that's gone, only makes you feel worse. The best thing that you can do is to move on. I'm not saying to pretend it didn't happen - it did - be thankful for the time that you did have together. It was not wasted! They were good times and be thankful for them.

Many people will come in and out of you life and it's perfectly normal. What's not normal is for things to always stay the same. The Universe likes change and we make ourselves miserable when we resist change. I feel that's what you're doing now. So stop resisting and allow yourself to heal.

Look back 5 years...

How much has your life changed? My guess is a lot. And when we look back 5-10 years we realize that everything that happened, happened for a reason. We would not be the person we are today had they not happened just the way they did.