when is a good age to talk to kids about sex?

[Emi]

my husband and i are wanting to have kids some day but we can't agree on when and how to talk about sex. i know its will be a few years before we have kids but i would like to know what to say before the time comes (side note i was never taught this by my parents but was lucky enough to go to a school that did teach save sex, such as condoms and birth control)

[Dan And Jennifer]

My opinion on this is "when they are old enough to ask the question, they are old enough to get an honest answer from you".

Now, having said that, the answer should be age appropriate. A 4 year old will not understand what "sex" really is if you try to give him or her all of the details, but I don't believe in lying to my children either. When you have children, you'll be the best one to judge exactly what they are able to understand at a certain age.

Another thing we do is to not make sex taboo or a secret. Our kids know that we have sex and at their current ages think it's totally gross. LOL!

We do not have sex in front of them, or anything like that, but we also teach them that sex between consenting adults is natural and healthy and we've already started talking openly about safe sex (again, in age appropriate terms).

There's no reason to be nervous talking about sex. It's normal and natural!

hope this helps!
--jennifer

[bethanysmith]

I definitely agree "when they ask". I remember when I was about 11 years old, my friend and I were talking about the word "oral sex". Neither of us could figure out what it was - we guessed (accurately as it turns out) but thought that was way too gross and no one would do that... LOL

Anyway, she decided we should just go ask her dad. My parents never talked about sex, so I was certain we would get in trouble... I hid while she asked, and he explained. He kept the answer short and brief and only used words that she already knew, and kept the answer fact based and not opinion based.

It made a strong impression on me as a child... and I want to handle things that way. When I have kids and they ask a question - I want to give them the facts, using words they already know, and keep behavior and opinions completely separated, unless they're asking for advice or about behavior.

And if I have a kid who never seems to want to know anything... well, I would probably just not try to hide affection with my husband from the kids, and it would naturally come up. If my kid didn't ask questions, and these conversations never happened naturally, I'd probably be so curious about WHY that I'd wind up bringing it up sooner rather than later. :-)

[Emi]

thank you ill try to keep that in mind

[The Beautiful Kind]

When a child asks, that's when they are old enough to learn about sex. For my daughter, that was about 5 or 6. I rationed out the answers at first, only giving her very basic info. I didn't dumb it down or call genitals baby names. Now that she is 8 she is sophisticated enough to know more of the details, again, she has asked.

I do not hide my period from her, she knows she will experience that in about 5 years.
I also am ok with being naked around her, it feels very natural and she has developed a very healthy attitude about her body. She can't wait until she has curves someday!

Here is a good post I wrote about kids and sexuality:
Pedophilia - the Funny Bone of Sexuality » The Beautiful Kind

[redbloomoon]

answer them as honestly as possible. They don't need the entire lesson in one sitting. Take one question at a time and don't overwhelm them with information. Keep it simple. Let them know that they can ask you anything, and be available for it. Be truthful and open. There is no specific age, it's a process, just like life...

[halo2994]

Originally Posted by The Beautiful Kind

When a child asks, that's when they are old enough to learn about sex. For my daughter, that was about 5 or 6. I rationed out the answers at first, only giving her very basic info. I didn't dumb it down or call genitals baby names. Now that she is 8 she is sophisticated enough to know more of the details, again, she has asked.

I do not hide my period from her, she knows she will experience that in about 5 years.
I also am ok with being naked around her, it feels very natural and she has developed a very healthy attitude about her body. She can't wait until she has curves someday!

Here is a good post I wrote about kids and sexuality:
Pedophilia - the Funny Bone of Sexuality � The Beautiful Kind

i was very apprehensive, but i followed your link and i really enjoyed that article.

[Akuma]

Hello.

Like the people before me I say that youngsters should be taught about sex and (nearly) all that comes with it as soon as they ask ( i think fetishes should be left out till the kids reach their mid-teens). But there is one other situation i can think of that i thought was also time to teach.

A couple of years back I was babysitting my cousin's daughter so she could go out with her husband after years. Back then her daughter was... I think she was 9 years old, give or take a couple of months. Things went normal all evening as one would hope for.

After she went to bed I headed of the living room to kill some time till her parents got home. Not much later I heard sounds coming from her room that I knew all too well. I went up to her door, knocked and asked if I could come in. She said yes and I walked in. With her PJs on the floor and how she clutched the sheets to her body it was rather easy to put 1 and 1 together.

I carefully asked her what she had been doing but also told her that she didn't have to answer me if she felt weird about it. In short I learned that touching herself "down there" as she called it felt good and she likes the feeling and does it rather often. I knew that her parents never gave her the talk or anything but at the same time I also knew that it shouldn't really be me telling her about that stuff.

Later that night I brought it up with my cousin and she was all flustered and confused. Her husband instantly was "i am so outta here" and went to probably drown himself in alcohol. I left my cousin after advising her to really think about this whole thing.

A couple of days after this my cousin gave me a call and was urgently asking me to come over. Once there she told me that she had tried talking to her daughter but the situation went all awkward and now she asked ME of all people to give her daughter the talk because she knows my standpoint on this topic. Not one of the things high up on my "To Do"-list but I kicked myself and went through with it.

The short of this is as follows: when you KNOW that the kids are starting to discover things and explore their bodies, I think you should at least give them the basic knowledge. I rather teach my children (if I will have any in the future) early than have them do the old trial and error and hurt themselves in the progress.

- Akuma