Is it cheating?

[Paul in uk]

Im a married man of 47 and to be honest dont have a lot of sex with my wife, I love her loads and always will, but over the past 3 years or more i have been meeting other men and having sex with them and i love it.
I dont have anul sex with them, just wanking and sucking,i get really turned on by this and cant stop doing it (i want to but cant) i dont know how to stop.
I think my wife and i last had sex in june this year 2008.
Please can u help me and tell me what can i do, do you think im cheating on her? i dont feel guilty after i have met up with another man,is it really classed as cheating because its with the same sex?

[Cocky]

It is cheating.

Just because you're doing it with guys and you don't consider yourself gay (I assume), doesn't make it invalid.

You are going behind your wife's back and sleeping around - that's breaking her trust in you. If she found out, she'd be devastated no matter the sex.

I'm guessing you don't feel guilty because you've made up your mind that it doesn't count as cheating.

I don't know your situation and what caused you and your wife to stop having sex, so I can't really give you any advice about that. I think your trysts will manifest themselves eventually. Everything comes out in time.

From how I see it, you could either continue on with your secret life, or tell your wife about it. It's up to you.

[fawkse]

yes, you are cheating.
now, to make it not cheating either stop, or tell your wife.
i wish there was a way to break this easily, but i think you are in for a real nightmare. she's not going to like the idea of you having other sex partners. if she is rigid in her morals, she may even have a harder time knowing that you are having sex with other men.

[nettie]

Like the others have said...Yes it is cheating.

Turn it around. If your wife were with these same men not having intercourse but sucking and wanking as you call it would that not be cheating on you?

Anything that you have to keep from your partner is "cheating". Dan and Jenn have a perfect video you should watch. I will try to find it and link it on here if I do.

[Beagle]

I think everyone agrees. If you have to ask if you're cheating, you're cheating.

[xartorin_swe]

That is cheating

[MikeThePirate]

As Dan and Jen said in one of their vidoes, their view of cheating is, anything that breaches another person's trust in a relationship and/or something that you wouldn't necessarily do while your partner is or were in the same room. Whether it's physical or virtual, sexual interaction with another person without your partners knowledge during the course of it, it is cheating dude.

[quinny621]

can be so very painful especially when you get caught. I speak from experience. I have been in a long term relationship for 17 years and I cheated on my spouse. He found out thru me giving him a STD.....WOW that was a devastating blow to me and him.... it changed our life and relationship.... He went from being HURT to ANGRY to in RAGE Anger, we fought, he was very MEAN to me for a very long time and I became mean to myself. I try to commit suicide twice. I could not believe that after 17 years of being one person that I have thrown it all away on a one night stand with another man.....Then he came up with this idea that the only way he would stay with me is to be in a threesome with one of my best friends. I knew this was not going to work, but I did not want to LOOSE him and then I was hoping that after a few times he would come to his sense and we get back together. WRONG thoughts.... We did the threesome with a my very best friend of 14 years..... It was revealed that they had already been together even before he came to me with the idea....I was so devastated again,,,,, I could not believe that she would do this to me, to our relationship.....I trusted her...Anyway today he still want to be with her and me..... He left me last year the day before my birthday....Yeah that HURT......................Here is the homerun.....We are back living with each other in a new house but he still want to be with her and me....... He is still seeing her......He siad that he is attached and do not know how to let go and he needs her....Cheating cause me all this....today after signin on you TV show I heard that you have to accept a person as they are with unconditional LOVe. wE have since join swinging community but he still wants to be with her. He said he only swing just to be doing something he want her and me,,,,,Cheating has caused me so much undeserved GRIEF...If I had not cheated I don't think we would be in the current situation.

[Beagle]

Quinny621: I want to thank you for having the courage to write that very honest selfappraisal of your experiences. One of the easiest ways to learn is from other people's mistakes and I sincerely hope people who might think of cheating can read your insightful appraisal to see the pain that results when we betray someone's trust. Yes, I'm a counselor and I have seen "Swinging" actually be just a cover for wanting to see someone else. Under those conditions, swinging does become cheating since there is the motive of deception behind it.

Thank you for being willing to share the pain that came from your situation. It takes a lot of courage to look at the consequences of our behaviors as honestly as you did. I will say that, from reading between the lines, I get the feeling that there was more going on with your husband and this other girl, though. Was that part of what lead to your affair?

[slittylicker]

Yes it's cheating!
As well it's gay cheating.
Have you ever thought of getting some therapy to help you work through this stuff?