How do I have a successful affair?

[Kevin in Denver]

My wife and I have been married for 8 years now and we have 2 kids. I love my wife and my kids very much, but my wife is addicted to online video games. She plays every moment she can and it has gotten increasingly worse over the last couple of years. Now, she is always up a lot later than I am and has no interest in sex. We have sex once every several weeks or couple months. I pretty much have to beg. And, because of that, even when we do have sex, it's not passionate. It's just going through the motions. No matter how hard I try, that is where it is. She is very resistant to the idea of seeking help. She is convinced there is nothing wrong.

Anyway, that is my situation. After many months of pursuing ways to fix this situation to no avail and much resistance from the wife, I'm at a desperate point. I love my family too much to ever think about getting a divorce, but at the same time, I have needs that are not being met. The thought of having an affair gets me really excited. Am I just delusional to think that an affair could actually save my marriage? If I found someone in a similar situation somehow and we just helped each other through these hard times we're having?

Please don't condemn me or judge me. I've tried being the patient loving husband for several years and I'm at my wit's end. I feel like if I don't have some real sexual attention I'm going to explode. I'd like to try this as opposed to getting a divorce. I want to keep my family in hopes that my wife will eventually come around and leave this crazy addiction to her games.

Thanks for any help/thoughts.

^ Kevin

[SnakeBabe]

I understand you are going through lots of stress from this but you took a vow for better or worse. If she was in a car accident and could not have sex ever again would this be your answer? How about if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were an alcoholic and neglected her needs. Would you want her to cheat on you? I think not, you want your spouse to help you. So you must help her. It may take months or years but that’s what a marriage is. You re there for each other, good times or bad. Never give up.
Get to therapy
Plan dates outside of the house where she has no access to the video games
Invite friends over for a 4-some.
Delete the game while she is at work.
Do an intervention
Maybe I’m a bit out there with these but you get the idea.
Good luck. I hear about sexless marrages from lots of guys and I am sure it really hurts.
Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria

[Sam in New York]

Maria is so right. What if it was the other way around? You would not be ok with that. Still, I totally understand where you're coming from. I agree that it is unfair that she is neglecting your needs. That really sucks. In all honesty, if the passion is gone, I'd get a divorce. She's taking you for granted. But you might be doing the same if you cheat on her. Don't expect loyalty from her if you don't return it. Unfortunately, I can't see a "for sure" way to solve this problem. Possibly try to be romantic? Candles and rose petals? It might work...but that might be a short term remedy. But it might reawaken her sexual side! Does she orgasm when you have sex? That might be anther problem.