What is Cheating?

[Dan And Jennifer]

Tell us what you think...

We think that cheating is a breaking of trust or predefined boundaries, whether sexual, emotional, or psychological.

Another definition is doing anything when your partner is not around that you would not do if they were sitting right beside you.

Here's our discussion about cheating on a recent Live Show:

LIVE - Cheating, Infidelity, and Affairs

So what do YOU think?

• Is sex with another cheating?
  
• Is Porn cheating?
  
• In phone sex cheating?
  
• Is internet chat cheating?

[Becca018]

We think that cheating is a breaking of trust or predefined boundaries, whether sexual, emotional, or psychological. YUP

Another definition is doing anything when your partner is not around that you would not do if they were sitting right beside you. AMEN

Is sex with another cheating? DUH

Is Porn cheating? NO

In phone sex cheating? ABSOLUTELY

Is internet chat cheating? COULD BE- BUT IN MOST CASES NO

[SnakeBabe]

Originally Posted by Dan And Jennifer

Tell us what you think...
.... anything when your partner is not around that you would not do if they were sitting right beside you.....

This is the definition I use
Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria

[Mac]

Treat your spouse the way you would want to be treated. I know this sounds like a bunch of hoopla with religious overtones like christ would preach but this is the success to a happy relationship.

cheating is when you do something that makes your partner feel "cheated" out on. You're time, your attention, your emotional physical and spiritual availabilities.

when you are in a relationship be it a swinger or monogomous, there are various boundaries that are predefined or otherwise an unwritten rule of thumb we go by. Would you be offended if your partner watched porn alone? or with you?
Would you be offended if your partner was chatting on line with other women / men?
Wouldn't you be offended if your trust and boundaries were breeched?

once you break someone's trust and "cheat" them of their time, attention, emotional, physical, or spiritual needs then that is defined as cheating.

Think about it for a few minutes and you will see how that falls into play. Regardless of the relationship boundaries (monogomous, swingers, open, etc) there are different rule sets for different relationships but the same will always remain the standard. What is acceptable and what is not in your individual relationships.

Sometimes swingers allow multiple partners, dates, and sex clubs etc. But if the partner in question goes beyond their boundaries such as a date or sex with another partner without following the rule sets such as... spouse knows about it first, or meets the person etc, whatever it may be. The trust has been compromised and it is there for "cheating."

In a monogomous relationship this is already defined usually as you and your partner are only available for each other. When online relationships begin to develop or porn is becoming a issue, or even an affair... all those things break the trust and go outside of the predefined boundaries and is thus considered "cheating" by the other partner in the relationship. Basically what I'm saying is "cheating" is not rocket science. Generally speaking you will already "know" what cheating is because your relationship has those set boundaries. If not then the communication of the needs and wants was not present and even if miscommunicated the relationship was in trouble before it began.

Breach of contract is what I like to call it. The boundaries were set, and the trust was broken. Whatever those boundaries were.... the fact remains that "cheating" was determined by breaching and breaking your partners trust and "cheating" them of their time, attention, emotional, physical, or spiritual needs otherwise reserved for them and not what was allowed to be given to someone else.

That's my buck fifty response about cheating, I hope it serves you well

[Dan And Jennifer]

Originally Posted by Mac

Treat your spouse the way you would want to be treated.

Well said! Wow, what a concept, treating others like you yourself would like to be treated.

[fawkse]

dan and jenn, this is a really great question. as we all know, everyones boundaries are vastly different in the nature of how we identify with cheating.

sex with another person:

yes, this would be cheating.
if you are to have sex with another person unknown to your current partner, you have cheated.

watching porn:

no, this not cheating.
whether you admit this openly or not, porn is absolutely normal to both male and females. dan defined porn correctly by stating it is a visual aide to sexual fantasy.
i bet that many women are just too afraid to admit that they too like to watch porn...

phone sex:

difficult here... i suppose if you call a hotline and use it for personal gratification, it would be like live porn...
so no, it wouldn't be cheating.
if you are on the phone with someone that you are emotionally connected to other than your partner, and your parnter isn't aware that this is going on...
then yes, that would be cheating.

internet chat:

i believe that this also is a two way street.
it really depends on your intentions.
if you are using this chat for personal aide in gratification, then no.
if you are using this chat to connect outside your current relationship then yes.

personaly, i believe cheating can be defined as a secret. if you can not do it infront of your partner, with your partner, or consent from your parnter, you are practicing the art of cheating.
we all are guilty in one way or another.. lol

[Lee]

Originally Posted by Mac

Treat your spouse the way you would want to be treated.

The golden rule of relationships...it's great because it can apply to monogamous & open relationships

[rob]

I think cheating covers a lot of things, but most of them are less serious than actually having sex with someone else.
For example, watching porn can count as cheating, as you are watching others having sex, but it isn't as serious as, say, phone sex as phone sex is a method of 'physically' being with someone else. (Sexual) Internet chatting is similar in this way to phone sex, as it involves another person in the same way, although you aren't touching. Masturbation counts as cheating, though to a fairly small degree, as it doesn't involve anyone else.
Overall, I think the main point in cheating is whether or not your partner knows; if you and your partner enjoy using toys together, then that doesn't count although you are trying to achieve an orgasm with someone/something other than your partner. This also covers threesomes, as they involve you and someone who is not your partner having sex, but (as long as your partner is willingly involved) it doesn't count as cheating.