A little broken and morally disappointed in myself...

[Aquarius Red]

I've been involved with a married man for a little over a year. I am divorced, and left my ex-husband, who is a wonderful man, because we had fallen out of love and I didn't want to find myself in a position to WANT to cheat. I respect marriage and did not want to compromise the promises that I made to my husband.

That being said, I am very disappointed in myself for the position that I'm in....I fell in love with a man, accidentally, because he was a dear friend whom I was listening to and trying to help with his 'years long' issues in his own marriage. He told me for months that he lacked the strength to leave, but desperately wanted to, and knew that he needed to for his own happiness, and the happiness of his 13 year old daughter.

So, after months of denying my own feelings, and him denying his, we 'fell' into a relationship. I am not happy because it doesn't mesh with my morals and I don't believe in that type of behavior.

I feel that your advice would be, "if you are not happy right now, leave or end it" and I wouldn't argue that it would be good advice. Here's my problem....I am mad crazy in love with him and I have NO DOUBT that he has the ability to make me happier than I ever thought possible from another person. I am a strong, single, mother of an eleven year old son, a business owner, and independent as all get out....

I am patient, I don't push, I'm not trying to force his decision to leave, and I just want to know that he does what he feels he needs to for his family. His wife recently left her job and he doesn't have the heart to leave her when she has no income. She is very fearful about retirement and he knows that this would send her over the edge. I respect that. I have no ill will towards her, she is his daughter's mother.

I am an intelligent woman, and while I am smashingly, to-die-for in love with him, I can't help but worry that I am not being a 'poor dumb woman' like so many other women who listen to married men make them promises that they never intend to make happen.

I do NOT think that is the case with him.

I guess my question, and pardon my rambling, is....when have I been taken advantage of? When is too long too long? I do not want to leave or walk away and I do not want to force his cards.....

I want to spend forever with him. I think he is who God meant for me to be with, and we met at the wrong time.

We openly discuss all of this. He is pained to hurt me, but he feels like she is the one in this relationship who deserves protection at this point because she is unknowing of our actions, and I do agree with him.

I am in a bad place in my dream relationship and I have no power to help him, help us.....

Should I continue to be patient, for a man who promises me an eternity of love, and who I truly believe has that intention?

It's just very, very hard.....and I can deal with hard. I was in a twelve year marriage that should have probably only lasted nine, because I was determined to make it work....I just couldn't.

I can handle the pain, for a glorious outcome. I just want some kind of reassurance that I am not being a completely rogue whore who is wrecking a marriage and being snowed.....it's really very unhealthy.

I wish this wasn't our position, and I know he wishes that, too. They are not intimate, and have discussed divorce several times. They basically just co-exist, and really not even much of that.

I feel badlly for his daughter. I love him.

I'm just lost as to what I should do at this point.....

I OBVIOUSLY shouldn't have let this happen, but now that I have, I feel unable, and unwilling to stop it....

Help!?!?

[scarbowl]

Painful as it may be, you should let go of him. Three reasons:

1 - His daughter - who would be hurt deeply by this. And you would have some responsibility for this. She would never accept you. Ever. And why should she?
2 - His wife, with whom he should try to work out his issues (perhaps including a therapist)
3 - You - for ending his marriage, violating your own values, and perhaps ending up with the same problems he has with his current wife.

Get some help. Leave him. Don't look back.