Is cheating always a bad thing?

[rob]

I know this sounds strange, but think about it.
(I'm using Dan and Jennifer's definition of cheating-a breaking of trust)
If you are in love with someone other than your spouse, and don't tell your spouse, then is this neccessarily bad? You can't help being in love after all.
Note: I'm just curious, it doesn't apply to anyone.

[scarbowl]

Dishonesty and lying are unhealthy for all parties and are bad. Yes, bad. It's one thing if someone's partner indicates a willingness to "look the other way" for some reason. That's complicity. Otherwise, it is wrong. Have the decency to tell the one you are cheating on.

[ian4fun]

Rob...I'm going to say No...not because the other poster has said yes it's bad...I understand what they are saying...but there is far more to a relationship than just what people can see. I was still married to my wife, seperated but not divorced. I met sanother girl who was also married but only thought of her husband as a friend. We knew that Yes technically we were cheating on both our partners, but it did not feel bad or sordid or wrong...it felt normal. i think you have to take EVERY case on its own merits. There is NEVER any simple black and white answer to anything like this. Love is, afterall, far too complicated.

[scarbowl]

If you are still living with someone and you are having a relationship with another person without your spouse's knowledge or permission that is cheating and, yes, it is bad.

This isn't a "case on its own merits." You are married and there is an explicit vow. If you are in love with someone else and not your spouse then you should go ahead and tell them. Don't cheat on him/her. Be honest. Be forthright. Don't be a liar. You do far more harm.

If you can't be honest then you should forget about the other person. Be a good and moral person. Wouldn't YOU want the same?

[gollyg]

sometimes the feelings u have fo another do not interfere with those u have with your spouse.

U can love her, and yor kids, so why not another ?

Especially when that other gives u something your spouse cannot or will not.

It feels right, is addictive and so so so good.

BUT you are lying to your spouse.
Betraying her turst every time you are with the other.

There is no justification to do that.
it is so very bad.

I did it
I know

It is always bad betrayign those you love.
If you say you were cheating and she stayed, then - enjoy buddy

[rob]

This is just to clarify some things: some people seem to be saying that I am cheating. I am not.
This was just inspired by something I saw in another post, from the perspective of one who said they'd cheated, and they were forced (it seemed) into marriage, more or less.
To answer Scarbowl's (possibly rhetorical) question, yes I would want my fiancee to be honest as I love her and I'm sure she loves me. If we were distant, then I'd feel more annoyed than betrayed.
I think Ian4fun captured my idea best (though I admit it might just be that I didn't describe my question well enough); when a marriage is more like a friendship.

Finally, before anyone says it, whioch a number of people have said, not just online, no I am not hunting for a specific answer, though I do tend to give that impression. I'm just looking for opinions on this scenario.

[gollyg]

Hi Rob,

I understand totally the marriage and frendship thing.
I thought that is what I had, and just needed sex to make it (life) "complete".

For me the guilt affected my temper just abit and patience with those i love.
Gave me an out in the normal downs in life - "I could be with her and not put up with thisshit", of course I did not want that, I wanted tobe with my family.

Now I miss that friendship with my wife so much it is hard to even take a breath.

playing with fire and sex can be fun, but you will always get burned in some ways.

[Jasperky]

You can't cheat on someone who loves you enough. I've found that if you love someone, and they cheat, no matter which manner, if they're sorry then you can forget it, and if they're not you're unable to get angry at them. Not sure if this is just me though.