I was the OTHER woman. Am I hanging on to notthing?

[Pami jean in Kansas]

HI. I am back...see my other post "Hes Married". This is the end of the story. He confessed to his wife, and she warmly and lovingly welcomed him back, professed her undying love and forgiveness to him, and they are going forward to repair what was broken between them and move forward in their lives together. Okay, I get that, its respectable, its the "right" thing to do, it shows quite abit of strength to be able to repair the damage done not only from having an "affair", but also the fact of him falling in love with me. So lets all give kudos to him and to her. I am a caring person, I did not ever want to be labeled a "homewrecker" or intentionally cause any riff in anyones life. Yes, having an affair with a married person is wrong in every angle you look at it, everyday I scold and question myself for having done "it". Unfortunatly sometimes we make choices that lead to greater consquences than just the obvious. Despite how wrong it was, I fell in love with him, I can wrap my head around the fact that its WRONG, but my heart doesnt hear it. Although he and I have agreed to NOT see each other anymore, (which is pretty easy considering the distance) we have continued to talk and email each other frequently on the concensus of being "just friends", our conversations these days are sprinkled with talk of day to day happenings and life events, I believe we truly are trying to be "friends", I tell him all the time that I do support the choices that he made regarding maintaining his marriage ( I honestly believe I do, even though it hurts me to the core) I know he is not coming back to me, I know that the relationship as it once was will never be again, so my question is this, Can I continue to be "just friends" with a man I love who has told me and shown me over and over again that he doesnt love me enough to change his life for me? Is that possible? I value him as a person, and despite the negative feedback to how our relationship began we do truly have a beautiful and true friendship, I fear losing that. I do not feel like I am "hanging on" I accept where he is at, or at least I think I do....
please advise.

[scarbowl]

It sounds as though you are "hanging on." You don't need him as a "friend" from a long distance. You have people available in your daily life to be friends with.

I recommend that you stop emailing and stop talking to him. Get him out of your life. He shouldn't be doing this either. He continues to betray his wife.

Don't be part of it. You'll feel better for it.

[Beagle]

I agree with ScarBowl. He has made his choice. You're hanging onto a fantasy, as much as you try to convince yourself that you're not. Remaining in contact is just keeping the wounds open for everyone concerned. Time to move on.

[Indianagirl020]

You really should just get him out of your life for good, if his wife took him back even after your affair together, then that is it, He chose her, not you. In order to get yourself out of this situation, you need to just cut off all communication with him, you continue to talk to him, he'll still be betraying his wife and i dont think you wish to go there again do you?

[Beagle]

Very well said, IndianaGirl020. Welcome to the forums.

[sweetlove8]

I truly think this man has now moved to your past. You said it yourself in the title of this thread. You are the other woman, not THE woman. There is a huge difference. If it's a steady relationship you want, find somebody who loves you and only you. If it's a casual hookup, then it shouldn't matter that he has moved on anyways. There are many people in this world. Find one that will suit your needs, whatever they may be. Good Luck.

[gollyg]

I have just exited a long affair.
destroyed my life, my family
I thought i loved both, but good sex can blind you to ll else.

the easiest thing is to stop all contact. move to an new chapter in life and make it the each new day better than before.

I am doing the time after the crime, but regaining trust is hard to impossible.

contact with the other s O.U.T. out and i hope she moves on too.

Best wishes for your future.