I can't stop my affair

[liz in ma]

Hi Dan and Jenn,
I am a unhappily married woman with three kids. I started having an affair with a married man one and half years ago. He also has children. We really care about each other and both wish we could be together but neither of us wants to hurt our children and break up the familys. He seems to be able to deal with this better than I. I love him so much and all I do is think about him and miss him. I am definitely having trust issues with him. I wonder where he is at times and what he is doing and why he doesn't call sometimes. I've tried to end this affair a few times, because I just can't stand feeling this way. I also thought by doing so, He would tell me how much he loved me and that he would do anything for me. No such luck! He just tells me he cares about me and says let's keep things going, and enjoy the time we have together. The more I want him, the more he seems to back off. Should I end things with him or just relax and have fun when we can be together. What are my rights in this relationship? THANKS! Liz : confused:

[Pvt Gi Jane]

Hi Liz, if you wont mind, I want to also post my reply to your thread

Sad to say but the reality could be that you are a convenience to the guy Think if he really really wanted to leave his wife he would have done that a long time ago. At this stage he doesnt see it neccesary to leave her anymore, because he got a nice time both sides. I know this hits a woman very hard, to feel used, cause I was in the same situation once before. Truth is that some men (woman also maybe) but mostly men can live years loving more than one women. I would suggest, hard as it may be, break up with him, cause, think real hard: If he should leave his wife and move in with you, would you "Ever" be able to trust him again, or would he trust you? The thought of what you guys did for the past 1.5 years would always stay in the back of your head. Also: If he should move in with you, is this reeeeaaaaaally the man of your heart, is this uncertain way of living what you really want for the rest of your life and is it worth taking the risk, to only be dropped for the next women maybe at the age of 45 or later

If you move this man out of your life, try to get him out of your head, make a huge effort to patch things up with your hubby, just maybe you can also have the great life you deserve

Take Care

[Dan And Jennifer]

I just have one question...

Are you happy?

If the answer is yes, then by all means continue down the path you're on.

I feel however that the answer is no.

When you are in a situation where you feel unhappy, you have two options. Accept it or change it.

In this situation, you can accept the fact that this man is happy with things just the way they are and that you wish there could be more and that's just how it is.

Or

You can change the situation. But before you make any changes, you need to answer some questions for yourself.

Why are you having this affair? This about you - do not blame your husband or anyone else for your feelings. When you answer this question, make it about your feelings. "I'm having this affair because I feel ________.

Most people have affairs because they are looking for someone, another person, to make them happy. What you have to realize is that happiness comes from within you. Once you've identified why you're having this affair - sex, loneliness, emotional connection, boredom, whatever - then you need to find ways to fill that void yourself.

If you truly decide that you do not want to be with you husband, then leave. If you want to be with your husband but there are some problems that need to be resolved for you to stay, then work on those problems with him. GO to counseling if you need to. Try to take him with you, but if he won't go, then go yourself.

Simply put, you've got to find the happiness within yourself. This other man cannot do that for you. Only then can you have a happy relationship with another person.

[sexisgood4u]

When somehting is over it's over. No matter how long two people have been together. I caught my ex-wife with two different men. It was over, but I let the slut come back and it was a mistake, because she stole money from me and we ended up in court of a bettery charge. It was a mess. Don't wait don't waste anymore time with someone that it's not right. I mean all the time you've been with this person was time wasted.

[Xlife]

This is NOT meant to offend you by any means


Married men just want someone to have sex with because their wifes are giving it to them.

Sorry I know the truth hurts.

I would leave him and call him a scum that is my advice, he is just using you for sex.

Sorry again NOT meant to offend anyone.

[gollyg]

hi,
I can understand teh attraction and safety he gives u
as he is married u r both discrete.
Both passionate with each other.
but u r falling too deep in love with him
u will hurt your family

Think of how u will feel if u r found out.
I was found out.
pain is real.
Shame is unimaginable.
Uncertainty and out of control because it is up to my wife to forgive.
I cant do anything to convince her except live the pain every day.
do as much as i can for my family.

try and move on and enjoy your family.
The alternative is more awful than you could imagine.

best wishes