boyfriend is COMPULSIVE liar...after almost 5 years should I stay or go?

[hurtandhumiliated]

My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years in april. We have had problems in the past regarding him lying over the dumbest shit (e.g. hanging out with a certain friend of his who is absolute scum or boldface lying to me about some lost money he found-i was going to pay him back for the misplaced $100 bill and he STILL didn't fess up). I am recooperating from H1N1 and a few nights ago i discovered that he has been texting another girl. She is in 2 of his soon-to-be-ending grad courses. He said that he knew she was into him and that he used this to his advantage because she is an overachiever, he used her for study guides and, let's say, an 'educational edge'. He swears it never went further than that.
Jeremy is my one and only. we met when i was 20. i had/have never been with another man, nor have i ever even thought about it. he just led her on to get extra help with the course.

I dont know what to do, I love him so much- but i have never hated anyone this much before either. I feel so broken and lost. I feel like I am dying.

[Xero]

I'm not too sure what to tell you.

Part of me says break up before you get married and it ruins your marriage and possibly kids.

Another part of me says go and seek help from a professional.

I read the the other day some where that is is much better to get out now rather than wait until later and ruin more important things. Though I would advise seeing someone before you make another step in breaking up. I think you should try all possiable options before a break-up or divorce. (these options being reasonable of course)

[scarbowl]

I suggest you leave and you leave immediately. Do not wait. Do not tolerate this crap. You have to assume he will never change and you've given him permission to continue with this reprehensible behavior by staying with him.

You deserve better. But you are punishing yourself by remaining with someone who lacks respect for you and is abusive.

He will not change. It is you who must make the change. Run away now!

[hunnyhunny]

think before you act.. it is easy to say for us to leave him because we are not really connected with you or your boyfriend, but you should first have a one BIG reason why you really need to break up with him, have you caught him holding hands/kissing/flirting with another girl, if you haven't then you might just be paranoid about your relationship, it seems like your trust for him is breaking apart and in order to bring it back again all you need to do is to have a face to face conversation with him and the other girl you are talking about.

[scarbowl]

I have to disagree. You seem to be saying that 100 small lies don't matter, only one big one does. She can't trust him and he's not going to change. Why should she put up with this when there are plenty of men out there who don't lie like he does?

The Imperial Chinese had a form of torture called "death of a thousand cuts" where they would make very small cuts in a person, none big enough to kill someone, but together they were very painful and the person bled to death.

One big cut or a thousand small ones - the result is the same.

[Beagle]

Dear Hurt: After reading your post and the replies, I'm afraid I have to agree with ScarBowl on his point about the death by a thousand cuts.

I did see something in your post that I think is worth bringing out. Your post basically says "I'm not happy with the way he acts. How do I get him to change?" One of the sad realities of the human condition is that we can't change other people. Realistically, barring some major life-changing event, his basic personality probably isn't going to change at this point. Therefore, your choice become to make peace with his behavior, or end your relationship.