Boyfriend with "big" secret

[Becca018]

The other day I was using my boyfriend's laptop to look up movie times and when i started typing in the address the browser tried to guess what I was typing and brought up a porn site. Thats really no big deal... but it wasn't a regular porn site. It was a "big girls" porn site. Im talking woman who are obese not just a little chubby. And it weirded me out even more that he was a subscriber to a one "big girl's webcam" inparticular- she has similar features to me (asian facial features and even the same hair cut and color!!!) This is even more mortifying to me since I am exceptionally petite. I'm 5'3 with a small frame, I only weigh 121 and I'm very fit.

What do I do? Should I tell him I caught him? I'm really weirded out by this. How can I beleive him when he says he loves my body when the truth is he wishes I was about 200 lbs heavier!??!?!


EEEEK!
-Becca

[Dan And Jennifer]

Hi Becca.

The good news is that if you put on a few pound he should be OK with it.

In this situation, I would just be honest with him. Tell him how you cam across the site and how your curiosity led you to find this other woman on webcam. The trick is to be very light hearted, but not make fun of him because he may be embarrassed that you found out. And do not be angry or accusing, if you want him to be honest with. When it comes to sharing their feelings, men are a lot like puppies. They need lots of encouragement and positive reinforcement. They tend to pee on the carpet - a lot.

I think this is a perfect opportunity to deepen the level of communication in your relationship. Hopefully the two of you can have a fun and open communication about this and why it turns him on. If you can make this fun for both of you, maybe you can start to share more intimate fantasies.

I wouldn't worry about him lying about your body and liking it. It is very possible that he just likes women regardless of body type. Also, this maybe a fantasy of his that he's been afraid to pursue because of his guy friends. They can be very cruel when it comes to larger women.

[Exavion]

As Jenna (I assume it's Jenna, don't ask why ) pointed out, it's very likely that he's not only interested in big girls, but the whole spectrum, which is very rare indeed. I concur with the idea that you should try to calmly address the issue with your partner, be open and honest with him and I'm sure everything will be fine.

[Dan And Jennifer]

LOL - close but's it's actually Jennifer. Too cute!

[Exavion]

I know, I just thought you'd like a shorter nickname.

Jenna seems to fit, what else do you have in mind?

[K. in Cleveland]

I agree with Jennifer. It is something he is probably ashamed of, as it's not socially acceptable to be obese, much less enjoy supersized BBWs... But I truly do understand that some men can appreciate the tiny girls to the bariatric beauties and everything in between... my man is one of them.
Just let him know you happened upon the site, not checking up on him or anything (if he were really afraid of anyone finding out he'd probably have cleared his browser hx) and were curious about it. You may also find that if you tell him a fetish or fantasy of yours that is kind of embarassing to you, that your intimacy will improve... honest talking, especially when it's something that really makes us open up and feel vunerable, does that.

Don't be too worried about it, or judgemental about it. There are different tastes for everyone, and some people like vanilla, chocolate, pistachio, and rocky road.