Should I tell him that I love him or should I say nothing?

[looneybopper]

Im 24 years old and I love a guy who's currently in a 4 year relationship with another girl. I work with him for the last 2 years, he's 27, she's 25. When I started working there I thought he was cute but never gave him much thought at the beginning. For the last two years I have heard from several people, (friends of his that work with us, including his best friend) that he talks about me all time and he's obsessed with me....for the last year i've realised that I have strong feelings for him too...i've talked to friends about it and they all say the same thing...he's with her so he prefers her, but it's just not that simple. The amount of hinting out of our coworkers about him liking me is too numerous to ignore but I though nothing of it until a few weeks back I bumped into him and his girlfriend..I said hello to both of them and he totally nearly had a heart attack! he could hardly get the word "hello" out and he didn't even use my name! It was so obvious that he's hiding something cause he stepped back so his girlfriend couldn't see his face. I want to tell him that I like him too but everyone's telling me to leave him alone....im so confused....Last week a co-worker said to him while I was standing right there next to them..."go on, ask her out", god, it was mortifying for him, he just stared at the floor?

[Xero]

I think you need to talk to him about the situation at hand. It seems as you could be ruining his relationship. I doubt you would want that to happen to your own relationship.

Lets say you have a bf and your bf was being taken by another girl would you enjoy that?

I think you need to talk to him and end it or try to swing with him

I highly doubt they want to swing, but you never know. But I find it wrong to ruin someone's relationship.

Your just going to have to decide whats right for you and what you can life with.

[looneybopper]

Hey, thanks for your answer, it made a lot of sense....but isn't he ruining his own relationship? Everyone at work knows that he likes me and wouldn't his girlfriend go crazy if she knew he was disrespecting her behind her back?

[Beagle]

I wouldn't do anything behind her back. I wouldn't be "second fiddle."

My view is that if they aren't married, then he's fair game. But before he jumps into a relationship with you he needs to end it with her first. He's a big boy. There's nothing wrong with giving him a choice. You can't take him anywhere he doesn't want to go. I agree with Xero. This is a conversation you and he need to have.

[Xero]

To add another thought that just came to my mind.

Like Beagle stated he should end the current relationship before he moves on to you. I suggest if he makes a move on you while hes still in a relationship you should tell his girlfriend. If he cheats on her then he is bound to cheat again in the future. That's just usually how things go with people.

[looneybopper]

I know a few of "her" friends and they're all engaged or getting married....she must be hinting or at least wanting to be proposed to....if he asks her to marry him and I never got the chance to tell him how I feel, i'd never be able to forgive myself......Having a conversation with him about this is not possible because he dosen't know, that I know he likes me or that I like him....god, I must sound like a crazy teenager. All this hinting from everyone has been going on for just over two years now....friends of mine have said, "flirt with him so he at least knows that you like him", im not so keen on flirting with him outright behind his girlfriends back.

[Xero]

Ok, I understand where you stand on this now. I think you should keep doing things as normal. You can't really do anything because it would cause you to be back stabbing his current relationship. Mostly all you can do is just wait until he makes the move. But then you have to make sure that he is broken up with his current girlfriend.

There is not much you can really do currently to fix your feelings. The best thing would be is to find someone else.

[looneybopper]

I suppose you're right and waiting is all I can do. I know from working with him that he's the kind of person who dosen't like to rock the boat or upset anyone..he likes everyone to like him and he's not into confrontations.....one or two of his friends joke sometimes that he's scared of his girlfriend....