girls - how do i get confidence?

[Denilson]

...of the skills you need to accomplish the task at hand.

It does not matter what it is. Think about how you learned to ride a bicycle. You started out with training wheels, and once you got the hand of keeping your balance on the bike and controlling it, you took the wheels off.

It is the same here. You must learn the skills you need. It is more difficult in this arena, because there is no step-by-step instruction manual that will give you a fail safe method. It is a lot more trial and error and determining what fits your personal style as opposed to a rigid, uniform method. However, you can read and understand what works for others and get some idea as to what the general consensus is as to specific strategies, tactics, where to go to meet MOTOS, etc. Then, try them out for yourself.

[Alexstrandberg]

Hey Bret,

Great advice, modern savage. I want to add that a large portion of confidence comes from pushing through fears. Every time you push through one of your fears you automatically gain a little more confidence. Push through enough fears and you won't even recognize yourself because of how confident you are.

Learn to love yourself. I wrote an article about this on my site but I'll give you a little bit to help you out. Repeat this affirmation over and over till it sinks in-"I love and accept myself completely." At first it will seem like you are lying to yourself but over time you will truly believe it.

"I don't feel like I am enough for women"-Repeat the words "I am enough" over and over. I am enough means that you don't need anything outside of yourself to make you feel happy. You would enjoy more women and more money but you could take or leave those things. It also means that you are complete and whole and don't need more money or a nice car in order to attract women.

Any time that you feel your insecurities rising up ("women won't like me because...") repeat that affirmation. It will calm you down greatly.

Alex

[FemaleOrgasm]

YouTube "emotional freedom techniques" for a demonstration. You tap pressure points to release trapped negative emotional energy.

It sounds like hocus pocus but it works and it's free. Go to EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) for a free ebook.

[Beagle]

Hi. Brett, I've been there. I was the school geek; couldn't have got a date with a shotgun. I didn't come out of my shell until I was in college. I got tired of being miserable and got into counseling my freshman year and he helped me develop my confidence and handle rejection. I started trying and when it finally clicked for me, it clicked. My biggest problem was exactly what you're describing-trying to be someone I'm not to impress them. that has the exact opposite effect on women. They need to see that you're confident enough in yourself that you are able to handle how they feel about you. The basic psychology here is that you've got to become more interested in life than about how they feel about you.

The biggest thing I had to accept is that it's OK to get shot down.

It's obvious you need some skills. He's a little crass, but I think the Mystery Method CD's are great. The audio CD's that come with the tapes are great and helped me a LOT. Watching the Pick-up Artist Show also has some great tips. I realize your ambition isn't to be a pick-up artist; mine neither. It does have some great basic instruction in social skills; like when the guys have to interact with the little kids and the old ladies. You can pick those up on eBay at a really good price. Also, don't forget the old classics. "How to win friends and influence people" or "Living, Loving, and Learning." The key isn't to try to become someone else, but to mine these books for good ideas. Every idea you decide to "steal," personalize it and make it yours.

Now, the downside to meeting women that way. You are likely to meet women with whom you have nothing in common. Another step: Get out and get involved. I realized my activities weren't things where I was likely to meet women. Take an aerobics class, classes at the junior college, walk your dog in the park; anything where you're meeting people. You're not going to find the girl of your dreams at a D&D meet, but you might meet her volunteering at Habitat for Humanity, Amnesty International, etc. Just be sure to include activities that attract single women. If you're the intellectual type, take classes that attract women (literature, education, etc.). Heck, I even took Women's History and Ballroom Dancing as electives in college. It's amazing how easy it is to meet women when there are twenty women and five guys.

I've got to agree with Matt. It's time to get off the pity-pot and get out there and start living. Buddy, you're going to make a fool of yourself when you start trying to meet women. That's life; man up and get over it.

I know you're in a rough spot; I've been there myself. If you think my ideas have any merit, just hit me back. You can do this!

[justaman]

Confidence is a mask for facing your fears with passion .

It's just well toned, and cleverly done, when one is considered an expert.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Hi Justaman, welcome!

I'm going to respectfully disagree with you here.

True confidence - the confidence that Jennifer and I talk about - is the opposite of the mask we all carry around, the false front, the pretend cocky confident mask that some dating programs teach.

To be secure enough to show your true inner self is the sign of true confidence.

But that level of confidence comes from the core, from truly accepting yourself as OK and worthy and deserving, it's true self love and acceptance. which is too much for most people to embrace at first.

All that having been said, there's also the old saying, 'fake it till you make it'.

And one of my favorite quotes of all time: "the best way to start living the life of your dreams today in any small way that you possibly can."

[justaman]

Originally Posted by Dan And Jennifer

Hi Justaman, welcome!

I'm going to respectfully disagree with you here.

True confidence - the confidence that Jennifer and I talk about - is the opposite of the mask we all carry around, the false front, the pretend cocky confident mask that some dating programs teach.

To be secure enough to show your true inner self is the sign of true confidence.

But that level of confidence comes from the core, from truly accepting yourself as OK and worthy and deserving, it's true self love and acceptance. which is too much for most people to embrace at first.

All that having been said, there's also the old saying, 'fake it till you make it'.

And one of my favorite quotes of all time: "the best way to start living the life of your dreams today in any small way that you possibly can."

I won't disagree , but I don't think neither of us are right.

I could see your confidence being meaningful , effective to someone's life. I can see how someone could perceive such an interpretation of what confidence is. I certainly don't disagree, and I only acknowledge that its a valid point for someone that you have made,but my personal bias still exists.

I think that we all merely pretend to exist, we play the parts that we can, and we call that self, but does anyone truly know why they exist ? Do they really know If their existence has a true, deep meaning to this universe?

If you ask me , life is just a theater .

I do not disagree with you, I allow you to be an individual .

All the answers never exists, it never will.We all perceive things, convince ourselves, pretend that its our reality . It can be shared, but it never escapes the individuals visions, imagination, pretend ability . We convince ourselves that we exist, but we are clueless how, why we even do exist. We pretend we know why, we say there is a reason...

The truth is no one is right, or wrong . I believe that confidence is a spiritual, magical word, that some people use to describe motivation, and personal passionate desires that they follow through in clarity .

[Tango@6]

Try not to think too much. Take control of your cognitive process. Focus all your energy on how to execute (how to speak better, present better) because you have already decided - to approach the girls.

What you can do is:
1. List down what you want to say, point by point.
2. Practice them in front of mirrors.
3. 3-5 times a day in the morning and before you sleep.


Don't be afraid of mistakes, nobody is born to know how and everything - it takes effort and of course times, we all trembled thru our lives, nobody is perfect.

Instead of thinking what if she says no - think from the other light, what if she says YES? wohoo.. that will be exciting isn't it? In a psychological research, generally it takes 7 rejections before 1 success. Be sure to summarize your learning experience always. That's more crucial. Confidence comes after that.

[Chris from arkansas]

Hey i'm new to the site so here goes nothin. lol

In the video they to pratice getting rejected. And man there's nothing wrong with rejection it happens. Just swallow the pain and move on. When I'm at work ,and you have to be careful with this one cause there is such a thing as sexual herassment, but I like to flirt the customers and women i work with, mostely the older women cause they get a kick out of it and 7 times out of 10 they take it as a joke and tell you no. But you're basically getting the same responce that most women will give you if you come onto them the right way. Don't be overbearing and just come out and say "hey i wanna have sex with you" or something crazy like that. Just open your mouth and flirt with them a little bit. Rejection hurts but it's part of taking chances. Remember the worst thing that can happen, if you do it right, is being told "no".

[Dan And Jennifer]

Hi Chris, welcome!!

Right on! most guys never take that chance... and so you "choose" to strike out.

The trick is to treat that woman as a real person... you can actually chat with her about anything, whatsoever... she'll realize you're paying her special attention without you having to use corny pick up lines and stuff like that.

And by getting to know her a bit you have way better chances of getting to know her better... she won't be as resistant as a women who knows NOTHING about you at all.

It's like "cold calling" for dating... it doesn't work in telemarketing / sales and it doesn't work well in getting a date. ;-)

-- Dan

Originally Posted by Chris from arkansas

Hey i'm new to the site so here goes nothin. lol

In the video they to pratice getting rejected. And man there's nothing wrong with rejection it happens. Just swallow the pain and move on. When I'm at work ,and you have to be careful with this one cause there is such a thing as sexual herassment, but I like to flirt the customers and women i work with, mostely the older women cause they get a kick out of it and 7 times out of 10 they take it as a joke and tell you no. But you're basically getting the same responce that most women will give you if you come onto them the right way. Don't be overbearing and just come out and say "hey i wanna have sex with you" or something crazy like that. Just open your mouth and flirt with them a little bit. Rejection hurts but it's part of taking chances. Remember the worst thing that can happen, if you do it right, is being told "no".