Confused

[tater]

ok im lost on this one guys and gals. its been 2 months now after i split up with my ex. and have met this wonderful girl. we hung out with friends for a few weeks and then started getting close. hung out for days holding hands. laying on me, asking if i could stay longer wanting me not to leave fixing, me some food after work,calling all the time. we end up having sex one night all went well. she would do the same stuff that we did before we had sex that one night and all was well. spent a few night with her and no sex just holding each other. i finally ask her if there was something more and that if we could take it to next step( GF/BF) kind o thing. she told me that im not looking for a long term thing. just not ready. and i was ok that's fine with me we can still hang out and have fun.with that said she stop talking to me phone/txt. see her at a store the next day and blew me off completely. i called her and finally got a hold of her one day and was told that i have to call u back (which never happened) a few weekend go by end up have to much to drink and called her up to ask if she could take me home. she told me that she just got to bed and had to get up early for work. and that she would call me later.(which never happened). a week goes by and i get a call back from her saying sorry. and that she end up messing up her wrist and that's why she did not call.and wanted to she if i could help her out. taken her bra off and helping her take a shower or something like that.


ok whats going i dont like being toyed or played with.im lost plz help

[Emily in PA]

It sounds like she got scared by the fact that you mentioned becoming more serious. I don't think she meant to hurt you, but she jumped to the conclusion that more distance needed to be put between you guys to get you off the bf/gf track. Sometimes people get put into a mode of anxiety from hearing that their friend wants to become more, even with reassurances that being just friends is okay.

I'd say talk to her about it. Seriously. But don't approach it in a way that might seem like an attack.

For instance:
"Hey, I was just thinking about something. During those weeks that we weren't talking, I got the feeling that maybe I had made you feel uncomfortable by bringing up the girlfriend-boyfriend thing. And hey, I might be wrong about it, but I still want to say that I really love the relationship we've got going, and if you're feeling weird at all about anything, I want you to let me know. Okay?"

Use "I" statements rather than "you" statements. And try to be sympathetic. How she reacted to the situation was wrong, but it's easily fixed.

Hope this helped!

[tater]

ya i asked her if there was any thing that i did to make her uncomfortable or give her the wrong impression of who i am. she told me that some of my friends told her that i was looking for long term and that she started to back off and leave me alone because see did not want to hurt me. which was very sweet of her. now after a few days after my (drinking come pick me up call) and blowing me off at the stor like i was not there. she calls telling me how she hurt her hand.why would she call me back after i called her up somewhat drunk and woke her up in the middle of the night early morning?do i call her up and ask her if she is doing ok,and if she is feeling better? or leave it at that and move on. she lives with some of my good friends so we will see each other some time